I wish I could go back and made sure I ran in the other direction when he came into my life. I wish I knew what I did now and stayed clear of him. I want to be normal again.. I feel disgusted being intimate with my boyfriend. I have issues with aniexty attacks on the daily.. I have nightmares multiple times a week. And with all of this, he can't respect my life to leave me alone. It's been almost 2 years and you wouldn't think I would be his target.

The way he treated me has effected how I act today in my current life and relationship. I flinched at so many things, I feel an overwhelming amount of hatred and disgust for myself trying to be intimate with my partner who I have been with for over a year now. The fact he treated me like I was just a body and nothing more, abused my body and mind to the point of where I felt like I was nothing. It's been hard to recover. I hate myself for letting myself be involved with someone like that for so long. For someone to hurt me when my world already shattered, not knowing if my father who was in the hospital would be alive or not. To accuse me of the nastiest of things when all I did was work, spend time with him, and my family. I don't want to give him any power over me, but I need to heal. I need to feel safe, I need respect for my space, my body, my mind, and my life. I want my life back and I don't ever want to be scared again.