Lumo Ladybug

My entire body is in a constant state of pain. My mind is constantly trying to keep me out of this inevitable terrible depression that keeps happening every few weeks rather than months now. I can’t get up because of my depression and I can barely walk without pain. I can’t do good academically because of all my math, reading, and writing disorders. I’ll never get anywhere. I’ll never achieve anything in this body and mind. Yet I’m the one who’s wrong for wanting to peacefully leave this world. Somehow I’m wrong to want peace just because my issues won’t directly kill me. Anything I want to do just gets crossed off my list of stuff I can do because of all the invisible disabilities I have. They’re invisible, but they’re still there. They are still the reason why every waking moment of my existence is agony. And because no one else can see it I have to act normal or else people call me an attention seeker. I just want to rest. This isn’t a body that was made to last. This is a self-destructive headspace that won’t let me thrive. And I just want rest. I want to be peacefully put out of my misery and rest in peace.