Flotsam & Jetsam

do you ever bite into a piece of cheese on bread and immediately find yourself as a true and honest shepherd boy in the 1300s who sometimes steals apples but is overall hale and truehearted

Weird. I bit into bread and cheese and find myself mischievous knave from the 1500s as ready to drink an ale in good company as to cut the purse of a lord, but is an overall wastrel.

i bite in to bread and cheese and im ratatouille bitch

crows are just small guys who live in town alongside you

anyone else convinced that their purpose on earth is to love and support those close to them, and maybe play some gay dnd characters along the way?

Im gay and stupid and that’s what makes me so sexy

one time i was on an old street in glasgow and i made a loud joke about vampires and as i did this beautiful man with long hair on the other side of the street made direct eye contact with me and then ten minutes later he walked by again and looked at me and I still count that on my list of the five closest times I’ve ever come to dying

likely: I am just too loud to not look at in public places and he was just lost downtown also likely: vampire, scoping me out for the kill

I want to hear about the other four closest times you’ve ever come to dying

you’ll be surprised to hear the other four have nothing to do with glasgow

Did they have to do with vampires tho

This is still one of the best executed jokes I’ve ever seen