5 Most Common Mistakes with Dialogue
As an editor, Iâve been thinking about how I need to do a post on some of the most common mistakes I see in dialogue. Many are a matter of fine-tuning, moving from a great writer, to a professional one.
Dialogue Tags Donât Match the Dialogue
As Iâve mentioned before, Iâm not wholly against alternative dialogue tags (âgroaned,â âcried,â âyelled,â âlamented,â etc.), and I think they can be particularly effective when the dialogue and the context of the story canât portray the way that itâs said. For example:
âThatâs great,â Melody groaned
But sometimes the dialogue tag honestly doesnât fit the way itâs said. Itâs hard to give an example of this in a blog post, because often whether or not the tag fits the dialogue depends on the context of the story. But look at this:
âElephants use their skin folds to crush mosquitoes,â Milo whined
The direct dialogue doesnât sound like whining. The content doesnât sound like something to whine about, and the structure doesnât sound like whining. But that is the chosen dialogue tag. It doesnât fit.
âElephants use their skin folds to crush mosquitoes,â Milo said matter-of-factly.
But sometimes you get weird combos like this:
âElephants use their skin folds to crush mosquitoes,â Milo whined matter-of-factly.
I donât know about you, but âwhined matter-of-factlyâ sounds like something thatâs pretty difficult to pull off.
Here are some more examples:
âI need to lose weight,â Taz wondered.
âCan I check into my hotel room now?â Kelly raged.
âWant to pick up the groceries?â Katie exclaimed.
Sure, grammatically, they are fine, but other than very rare occasions, the tags arenât appropriate for the direct dialogue. Make sure what you write matches.
Modifiers Donât Match the Dialogue
Some people really love using modifying phrases (participial phrases) with their dialogue tags. Again, Iâm not against this, but like anything, it can be overused, and more than that, it needs to make sense. A modifying phrase after a dialogue tag is adding information to the dialogue tag. Â It works as an adjective. Here is a fine example.
âDo you ever sunburn?â Manny asked, squeezing sunscreen into his palm
âSqueezing sunscreen into his palmâ is a modifying phraseâit adds information to âManny asked.â Because it functions similar to an adjective, itâs also saying that Manny squeezed the sunscreen into his palm at the same time he asked âDo you ever sunburn.â Not after. The same time.
Here is a problem example:
âGrab the gun!â I yelled, holding my breath as a cloud of smoke came our way.
You cannot yell and hold your breath at the same time. So this is a problem. But you can easily fix it:
âGrab the gun!â I yelled, then held my breath as a cloud of smoke came our way.
âGrab the gun!â I yelled. I held my breath as a cloud of smoke came our way.
âGrab the gun!â I yelled, and I held my breath as a cloud of smoke came our way.
âGrab the gun!â I yelled, holding my breath as a cloud of smoke came our way.
Other times, the participial phrase doesnât match because it doesnât fit with the dialogue (usually it doesnât logically match in length).
âYes,â she said, putting her dress, socks, and pajamas in a suitcase and then the luggage on the floor.
You canât tell me she put her dress, socks, AND pajamas in a suitcase AND then put the luggage on the floor the same time she said âYes.â Â Unless sheâs Quicksilver from X-Men, itâs not possible to do all those things during a one-syllable word.
You can fix it like this:
âYes,â she said, putting her dress in the suitcase. She added her socks and pajamas, and then placed the luggage on the floor.
Some writers say you should try to leave out participial phrases like this altogether, since cognitively it is difficult for the reader to imagine both things happening at once. Iâm personally okay with it and donât think itâs a big deal. They just need to make sense.
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