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He died tired. He died cold, and alone. He... hhe was in pain. He was in so much pain. I want to drown, just so maybe our bodies can wash up next to eachother halfway across the world. But I can't. I'm not scared of dying, but I can't. I have the kids. I have RL. Who will probably snap soon as well. I've been vomitting nonstop. I should have died. I shouldn't have taken his immortality from him. I should have died. This is my fault. I should be dead, not him

I think I am sick. Is it strange to be happy around someone you love but sad when you shut your eyes. I'm crying for no reason a lot lately.

Something is wrong but I'm too tired to figure out what it is anymore. I think Dirk is feeling better and so I'm happy. But I feel so empty still. Why.

I hate this loneliness. I hate it. Before I was fine, before I began talking to others I didn't mind spending years to myself but as soon as I fell in love I couldn't stand an instant without someone holding me. With such a lonely heart I guess it shows that no matter how many people I surround myself with I'll always end up alone.

Is it pathetic that I'm pretending it's him while I fuck someone else