Grace

𖦹 aux : perfect by the smashing pumpkins

you and jean broke up again, but when is that ever new? this time you lasted eight months, that's gotta be in the top three longest times you've stayed dating. it's been a few weeks since the fight, usually you ghost him for at least a month and a half, but it's a little different this time around.

you're in this situation right now because you left your favorite tee at his place. normally, you wouldn't give a shit, he could just keep it. but it was your fathers, and you'd rather deal with jean than lose that shirt. a part of you wonders why you even bother at this point, you'll probably be back together by the end of the year.

getting the shirt from him was the easy part, he had it sitting by the door after you texted him about it. it was leaving that really hurt. jean didn't argue or bicker. he just gave you the shirt without a single word. the front door didn't even have the chance to close behind you.

could it really have been 'the breakup'?

that didn't matter now, you just needed to get home, get away from him, and eat a tub of ice cream like everybody does when they're sad. you'll listen to your favorite songs in the car and forget all about the way he looked at you like you were just his past.

it's really raining by the time you get to your car. your interior lights hadn't even turned off. it really was a one and done. yeah, it's a breakup, but the relationship isn't actually over. right?

your eyes suddenly lock onto a very important item sitting inside of your passenger seat. oh god. it's your fucking keys.

your heart skips a beat as you quickly attempt to shake the door open. damn it. you're locked out. this is exactly the shit that would happened to you when it's pouring and you're right outside of your exes house.

what the hell do you even do??

you subtly turn behind you and jean is watching from inside of his house. it was always his thing to make sure you left safely before he shuts the door. curse his caring habits.

he notices, of course, your hesitation, "what's wrong?"

unfortunately, you heard that, and more unfortunately, he hears you reply back, "nothing!! just left my keys in my damn car!"

"come back inside!" he yells from the porch, arms crossed.

"no, i'm not going back inside," you grumble.

if you did, things would change again. you'd put down your purse where it used to sit every day, take off your shoes and lay them gently right beside jean's, by then you'd snap out of this stubbornness and just stay the night. probably forgetting the shirt again.

you can hear his annoyed grumble through the downpour, "fine, be stubborn. i'll just come out there."

"ugh! don't bother! i'll figure it out myself," you huff, aggressively pulling the handle, "can't have you ruining your hair, huh?"

you swiftly move to the other side of the car to the drivers side, testing that door too. oh if you had the chance to just drive off before he got to you.

but alas, fate isn't on your side today. with the car inbetween the two of you, he attempts to calm down the situation as if that's at all possible.

he tugs on the door handle too like it would work for only him, "it really is locked."

"no, really??" you roll your eyes, "i had no clue."

he looks over at you deadpan, "it doesn't hurt to check twice."

"it does a little," you mumble under your breath.

when he groans, you know he heard that, "i don't understand why you won't just come inside."

"because!" you reply.

"that doesn't help," he retorts, "you can call someone inside."

you pull out your phone, "i can very well call someone out here too."

"it's pouring, do you really want to ruin your phone right now?"

"at least i wouldn't have to see your face in my photos anymore! or in my recommended contacts!" you let out a long, frustrated groan. your phone won't accept your wet finger's commands.

he sighs, "can we just figure this out and get you home without an argument?"

you glare at him, "i don't need your help."

"it really seems like you do, [name]."

"then just shut up and help me already!" you cry out.

you can't tell if the water flowing down your cheeks is rain or tears. deep down, you know what they are. you hope jean can't tell so easily, but he always knows you better than you could know yourself.

you lean your head against the roof of your car defeatedly, letting the downpour practically waterboard you in the process.

this feeling reminds you all too well of the breakup. you never cry when it happens, the final blow is always an angry 'i hate you,' or a frustrated 'we're never getting back together,' followed by a breakdown at your apartment that night.

it's always the same forumula.

but a couple weeks ago felt slightly different. it wasn't the usual argument, tossing around meaningless insults and promises with a slight romantic tension in the air. this breakup was cold and quiet. it was exhausting. you don't even remember what started it anymore. he said something that pissed you off, or vice versa, and it just got worse from there.

"okay, let's just breakup then," you rolled your eyes, already tossing some of your stuff in your backpack.

he reached his arms out to you, but his hands never quite made it to your waist, "come on, [name], let's talk about it."

"fine, apologize then?" you retorted.

he sighed, pulling his arms back, "for what?"

"this is exactly it. this is exactly the problem, jean," you threw your hands up frustratingly, "you don't have the faintest clue that you're an asshole."

his eyebrows furrowed, "that's not fair. apologizing is pointless if i don't know what i'm apologizing for."

"i know that," you hissed, "that's not the fucking problem. the problem is that you don't even know."

you expect anger, fighting. a quick witted counter or a match in your energy. but instead he just let his shoulders fall and a tired breath escaped his lips.

"okay."

you smiled, "'okay,' you'll apologize?"

he just shook his head, "'okay,' let's break up."

your hands froze in place, one of your hoodies fell from your grip. you turned to face him and saw just how over it he was. he didn't look at you, but you could tell in his eyes he just couldn't do it anymore.

instead of fighting more or acting happy, you just silently packed the rest of your things and left. of course you were stupid enough to leave behind the most important shirt.

at the time, you just convinced yourself he was tired for some other reason and that nothing had actually changed. in a few months you'd be back together like nothing happened. you'll become a better person for him and then you won't break up again. and even though you say that every time, this will be different.

in the rain, seeing his face again, the same expression, you know it's actually different. he's done. it breaks your heart in a way you've never felt before. it takes you until now, when the relationship is really over, that you love him more than anything else out there.

you turn to him in the rain, his tired and dejected eyes stare back into you, "is it really over this time?"

he doesn't reply, but his eyes tell you everything.

suddenly you remember your spare key that you keep in the side pocket of your bag. you dig around and find it, soaking everything else in your purse. manually, you unlock the door, popping it open.

and it's over just like that.

still, you wait in the rain. he could stop you, tell you to come inside. he would only have to ask once.

instead, he just stares at the propped open door, "good, you figured it out."

'so you can go now,' you mentally finish his sentence.

you bite your lip and slide into the car, tossing your bag and the tee into the passenger seat. you stare out of its window, you're just met with his chest. he doesn't bother to bend down and say goodbye like he always does.

you simple turn on the engine and begin drive off. the car automatically connects to bluetooth, playing the two of your's song. you'd listened to it on the way, ignorantly believing that things would stay the same. you look back at him in your side view mirror. he stands in the rain, watching you drive off. your relationship has changed for good. it can't be mended like it normally can be.

but, you know, maybe next spring.

sorry it's a bit shorter this time!! i really couldn't figure out any other places to put more detail. i hope u enjoyed!

nav.

𖦹 aux : perfect by the smashing pumpkins

you and jean broke up again, but when is that ever new? this time you lasted eight months, that's gotta be in the top three longest times you've stayed dating. it's been a few weeks since the fight, usually you ghost him for at least a month and a half, but it's a little different this time around.

you're in this situation right now because you left your favorite tee at his place. normally, you wouldn't give a shit, he could just keep it. but it was your fathers, and you'd rather deal with jean than lose that shirt. a part of you wonders why you even bother at this point, you'll probably be back together by the end of the year.

getting the shirt from him was the easy part, he had it sitting by the door after you texted him about it. it was leaving that really hurt. jean didn't argue or bicker. he just gave you the shirt without a single word. the front door didn't even have the chance to close behind you.

could it really have been 'the breakup'?

that didn't matter now, you just needed to get home, get away from him, and eat a tub of ice cream like everybody does when they're sad. you'll listen to your favorite songs in the car and forget all about the way he looked at you like you were just his past.

it's really raining by the time you get to your car. your interior lights hadn't even turned off. it really was a one and done. yeah, it's a breakup, but the relationship isn't actually over. right?

your eyes suddenly lock onto a very important item sitting inside of your passenger seat. oh god. it's your fucking keys.

your heart skips a beat as you quickly attempt to shake the door open. damn it. you're locked out. this is exactly the shit that would happened to you when it's pouring and you're right outside of your exes house.

what the hell do you even do??

you subtly turn behind you and jean is watching from inside of his house. it was always his thing to make sure you left safely before he shuts the door. curse his caring habits.

he notices, of course, your hesitation, "what's wrong?"

unfortunately, you heard that, and more unfortunately, he hears you reply back, "nothing!! just left my keys in my damn car!"

"come back inside!" he yells from the porch, arms crossed.

"no, i'm not going back inside," you grumble.

if you did, things would change again. you'd put down your purse where it used to sit every day, take off your shoes and lay them gently right beside jean's, by then you'd snap out of this stubbornness and just stay the night. probably forgetting the shirt again.

you can hear his annoyed grumble through the downpour, "fine, be stubborn. i'll just come out there."

"ugh! don't bother! i'll figure it out myself," you huff, aggressively pulling the handle, "can't have you ruining your hair, huh?"

you swiftly move to the other side of the car to the drivers side, testing that door too. oh if you had the chance to just drive off before he got to you.

but alas, fate isn't on your side today. with the car inbetween the two of you, he attempts to calm down the situation as if that's at all possible.

he tugs on the door handle too like it would work for only him, "it really is locked."

"no, really??" you roll your eyes, "i had no clue."

he looks over at you deadpan, "it doesn't hurt to check twice."

"it does a little," you mumble under your breath.

when he groans, you know he heard that, "i don't understand why you won't just come inside."

"because!" you reply.

"that doesn't help," he retorts, "you can call someone inside."

you pull out your phone, "i can very well call someone out here too."

"it's pouring, do you really want to ruin your phone right now?"

"at least i wouldn't have to see your face in my photos anymore! or in my recommended contacts!" you let out a long, frustrated groan. your phone won't accept your wet finger's commands.

he sighs, "can we just figure this out and get you home without an argument?"

you glare at him, "i don't need your help."

"it really seems like you do, [name]."

"then just shut up and help me already!" you cry out.

you can't tell if the water flowing down your cheeks is rain or tears. deep down, you know what they are. you hope jean can't tell so easily, but he always knows you better than you could know yourself.

you lean your head against the roof of your car defeatedly, letting the downpour practically waterboard you in the process.

this feeling reminds you all too well of the breakup. you never cry when it happens, the final blow is always an angry 'i hate you,' or a frustrated 'we're never getting back together,' followed by a breakdown at your apartment that night.

it's always the same forumula.

but a couple weeks ago felt slightly different. it wasn't the usual argument, tossing around meaningless insults and promises with a slight romantic tension in the air. this breakup was cold and quiet. it was exhausting. you don't even remember what started it anymore. he said something that pissed you off, or vice versa, and it just got worse from there.

"okay, let's just breakup then," you rolled your eyes, already tossing some of your stuff in your backpack.

he reached his arms out to you, but his hands never quite made it to your waist, "come on, [name], let's talk about it."

"fine, apologize then?" you retorted.

he sighed, pulling his arms back, "for what?"

"this is exactly it. this is exactly the problem, jean," you threw your hands up frustratingly, "you don't have the faintest clue that you're an asshole."

his eyebrows furrowed, "that's not fair. apologizing is pointless if i don't know what i'm apologizing for."

"i know that," you hissed, "that's not the fucking problem. the problem is that you don't even know."

you expect anger, fighting. a quick witted counter or a match in your energy. but instead he just let his shoulders fall and a tired breath escaped his lips.

"okay."

you smiled, "'okay,' you'll apologize?"

he just shook his head, "'okay,' let's break up."

your hands froze in place, one of your hoodies fell from your grip. you turned to face him and saw just how over it he was. he didn't look at you, but you could tell in his eyes he just couldn't do it anymore.

instead of fighting more or acting happy, you just silently packed the rest of your things and left. of course you were stupid enough to leave behind the most important shirt.

at the time, you just convinced yourself he was tired for some other reason and that nothing had actually changed. in a few months you'd be back together like nothing happened. you'll become a better person for him and then you won't break up again. and even though you say that every time, this will be different.

in the rain, seeing his face again, the same expression, you know it's actually different. he's done. it breaks your heart in a way you've never felt before. it takes you until now, when the relationship is really over, that you love him more than anything else out there.

you turn to him in the rain, his tired and dejected eyes stare back into you, "is it really over this time?"

he doesn't reply, but his eyes tell you everything.

suddenly you remember your spare key that you keep in the side pocket of your bag. you dig around and find it, soaking everything else in your purse. manually, you unlock the door, popping it open.

and it's over just like that.

still, you wait in the rain. he could stop you, tell you to come inside. he would only have to ask once.

instead, he just stares at the propped open door, "good, you figured it out."

'so you can go now,' you mentally finish his sentence.

you bite your lip and slide into the car, tossing your bag and the tee into the passenger seat. you stare out of its window, you're just met with his chest. he doesn't bother to bend down and say goodbye like he always does.

you simple turn on the engine and begin drive off. the car automatically connects to bluetooth, playing the two of your's song. you'd listened to it on the way, ignorantly believing that things would stay the same. you look back at him in your side view mirror. he stands in the rain, watching you drive off. your relationship has changed for good. it can't be mended like it normally can be.

but, you know, maybe next spring.

sorry it's a bit shorter this time!! i really couldn't figure out any other places to put more detail. i hope u enjoyed!

nav.