Boss lady is cray cray and I don't like having bits and pieces of human in my office...
My boss some-fucking-how acquired some sketchy as shit human samples from the nearby hospital.
To be very clear: I do not work in a hospital, nor do I work in a lab that should ever have anything human that isn't attached to a living being. It's a chemical synthesis/analytics lab for gods sake.
And yet! Here we are. Came back from a 3 hour meeting where I amongst other things learned that our chemistry department had not had an official fire drill in +5 years and that 3 people had managed to electrocute themselves on the same thing, because number 1 didn't tell anyone it happened, number 2 was the consequence of number 1's stupid and number 3 was an idiot who wanted to check if the same thing would happen to him if he touched it too.
Y'all I was already fed up. And then I see both of our researchers standing outside my office looking stressed with a box.
R1: Where can I put these samples? They need to be in a freezer?
Me: Not possible, our freezer just broke down we have literally zero space (another story in itself). What is it?
R1: Human tissue samples.
Me:... what.
R1: Yes, do you want to see *starts opening box*
Me: NO! stop, stop stop.
R2: I don't think we're allowed to have that here... Pretty sure this is how we get in the news.
R1: So where can I put them?
I don't think I can accurately describe where my brain went at this point. The level of what the fuck was simply too high. Turns out these samples had been standing around in an office for a few hours in a flamingo box with some ice. When told we had no available freezer space she tried to put them in my office instead. No documentation, no notes. No instructions on how we should store it. Could not confirm whether it was all human or some was pig, but there was definitely human in there.
The boss' boss was abroad on conference and when she finally answered it was basically "tee hee oopsie daisy, forgot to check rules about having human bits in a non-bio lab. Will get approval for that real quick".
Ma'am. There is no way in hell we will get any sort of approval for this. We do not have the training, the right security, nor the equipment.
"Ah oh well, we will figure something out."
Other lower level boss: "Can't we just treat it like a schnitzel?"
NO WE CANNOT TREAT THE BITS AND PIECES OF A HUMAN LIKE A *@#* SCHNITZEL!!
Ngl, I almost quit that week. Never have I so publicly lost my shit at work, lets just say there was some raised voices in the hallway. Went through all five stages of grief. The box is now stuck in limbo in a basement freezer as we do not even have the proper permissions to get rid of bio hazard waste. One of the researchers kept asking when she would be allowed to perform tests on it... (never)
