🖤🩶Jiwoos my favorite gender 🩶🤍

You and Chan were a great couple, you’d been together for a little over 3 years now & everything was perfect. But then you started questioning your gender and in your mind everything came crashing down. After about 4 months of thinking and questioning, you’ve finally come to terms with the fact that you’re nonbinary.

You had no idea what Chan would think or what to tell him. You knew that he accepts lgbtq+ people of course, you both had multiple friends that were part of the community, but that doesn’t mean he’d still be interested in dating you. Your brain was just too full of all the what ifs. Everything that could change if you told him how you felt.

Finally, you decided to just rip the band-aid off and tell him. He needed to know. This was something important about you and you were honestly getting even more nervous the longer you waited so you needed to get it over with.

You picked a day when he wasn’t going to be super busy, and you had the day off so you could go over to the studio during his lunch break. You picked up your favorite food on the way, hoping it could bring you some comfort and calm your nerves. The walk up the stairs of the JYP building was extremely nerve-wracking, you almost turned back about 4 times before you finally got to the right floor. Taking a deep breath, you slowly opened the studio door to find 3racha hanging out in there, an unexpected sight since Chan said he was working alone today.

“Ah! y/n!” Han smiles & waves

“Hey y/n!” Changbin leans around Han to wave as well.

“My baby!” Chan giggles, excited to see you.

“oooh, food for us?” Han reaches out to the bag in your hand.

“uhh no sorry guys, I only bought for Channie & I. I didn’t know you’d be here too.”

Han pouts but accepts it and moves back to where he was.

“We were actually getting ready to head out for lunch anyways” Changbin says, packing up his backpack and telling Han to grab his stuff too.

“We’ll work on it more later, yeah?” Chan asks as they walk out the door, both of them nod and head on their way.

As soon as the other boys are gone you’re reminded why you came here and the nerves set in again, trying to force your whole body not to start shaking.

“what’s wrong?” Chan asks, immediately sensing your anxiety.

Your mind races, no words come out and you can’t even think of a real sentence to start this conversation. Before you know it tears are falling from your eyes and Chan is pulling you into his lap in his chair, holding you close.

“Hey, take a deep breath, what’s going on? Talk to me please” Chan speaks softly.

You take a deep breath before finally just letting it all spill out.

“I feel like I’m not a girl and I know you probably hate me and want to break up so I should probably just go.” You ramble while trying to climb out of his lap, expecting him to push you out any second.

“Woah what?” Chan says before taking a second to process all that information you just threw at him.

Finally, he finds the right words to respond, pulling you back into his lap fully while you continue to cry.

“How long have you been holding all that in?” is the first question he asks, face and voice filled with concern.

“Like… 4 months probably” you hang your head, feeling slightly guilty you kept it from him all this time.

Hearing that, Chan’s heart breaks. The idea that you’ve been struggling all alone and feeling like you can’t come to him all that time makes him hurt.

“I understand if you want to break up Channie…” you say, not knowing what to do with his silence.

“What?! No! Why would I want to break up?” He genuinely sounds confused.

“Because you like girls… and I’m not that.”

“Baby no I love you for you. If you feel like you’re not comfortable as a girl then it’s my job to take care of you the best I can and help you.”

You melt at his words, just curling into him closer. So thankful that he’s not upset with you and doesn’t want to leave you. After a bit of silence and just trying to settle your anxiety, Chan speaks up.

“Do you want to use different pronouns?”

“I would prefer to use they/them pronouns.”

“What do I call you now? Like not my girlfriend anymore but what do you want instead?”

“I haven’t thought about it much, I think just partner is fine.”

“Are you wanting to change your name?”

“No, I’m ok with it now.”

Chan pauses, thinking of more questions that could be important.

“Should I just say baby now instead of baby girl?”

“Yeah I’d like that” you get a little shy, just loving that he loves you so much and cares about how to make you comfortable.

He pauses again, obviously thinking about something.

“What is it Channie?”

“Earlier this week, I called you a good girl when we were uhm yaknow…” he trails off, ears red with embarrassment.

“Channie just say it please” giggling and rolling your eyes about how he has no shame when you guys actually have sex but afterwards he can’t even say what you did without looking like he’s going to burst into flames from embarrassment.

“You know what I mean. But when I said that you kinda like, zoned out or something. Took a second to get you back in the moment I mean. Is this why?”

“Yeah…” You feel bad because you really do love the praise, just not the gendered portion of it.

He sighs, disappointed in himself more than anything. He never wants to make you feel uncomfortable so knowing he did, and he didn’t even think much about it makes him mad at himself.

Noticing his sadness, you try to comfort him a bit.

“Channie there’s no way you could’ve known it would make me uncomfortable you say that all the time, how are you supposed to suddenly know?”

“I should’ve noticed babe; I’ve been your boyfriend for 3 years I should be able to tell when something’s changed.”

He pulls you even closer, if that’s even possible at this point with how tight he’s holding you, and just takes a deep breath before talking again.

“Shit I probably sound like this is all about me and how I feel, I’m sorry my baby it’s not about me” he apologizes.

“No no it’s ok Channie I understand what you meant; I know this is an adjustment for you too.”

The two of you continue to sit together in a comfortable silence for a while before you hear footsteps and the door opening with Han and Changbin returning to work again.

“Ewww get a room” Han jokes, seeing you in Chan’s arms.

“Uh believe it or not this isn’t your studio.” Chan reminds.

“Technically they had a room already.” Changbin points out.

“Ay woah Changbin hyung you’re supposed to be on my side.” Han whines

“Now why would I do that?”

“Alright alright quit whining I’ll let you guys work” you say, starting to get up before Chan pulls you back down quickly.

“Don’t leave yet baby” he pouts.

“Chan you guys have work to do.” You scold while laughing.

“I can work while you’re here.” He argues.

“Bullshit you cannot.” Changbin points out.

“Yeah hyung last time you tried to work with her here it took like a week longer to get the song done.” Han agrees.

Chan notices you cringe just a bit at Han referring to you as “her”, running his hands through your hair to comfort you a bit before leaning down and whispering to you.

“Do you want to tell them? Should I?”

“You please… I can’t do it all again myself today.”

Chan clears his throat before speaking up over Han and Changbin who had moved on to some other random topic.

“Actually, Hannie it’s them, not her.”

“Huh?” Han had completely forgotten anything he’d said more than 30 seconds before

“You said her, referring to y/n. They actually use they/them pronouns now.” He tells them.

“Oh, sorry y/n!” Han smiles

“Cool, good to know.” Changbin says before they move back to their conversation.