◤｡✧·˚. — Kara Violet Evans

“So, someone left ice to melt on the floor… and now my sock is wet. –So, who wants to die?”

“Oh, Frick! Baby, I’m sorry!” “That was... probably me.”

“Galapagos turtles sleep for 16 hours a day. I could do with being a Galapagos turtle right now.”

“Do Galapagos turtles... leave their.... family for years at a time? And only come back after they’re family thinks they’re dead-- which is really mean and stuff?” “Huh?” “Because if so then you’re... definitely like a Galapagos turtle. A very mean one, to point out.”

‘ it turns out if you spend your whole day off reading, your brain literally feels like mush after 5 straight hours. –ANYWAYS! how’s everyone elses’ week going? ’

"Oh my gosh, I haven’t read a good book in a while.” “Actually, I’ve never read a book, more like graphic novels and magazines.” “But still- haven’t read in a while.”

Does anyone want to come and potty train my toddler? He is starting to learn how to go to the bathroom like the cats. So, I need a little help here, because I have no idea what I’m doing.

Uhm, honestly I dunno if I’d be much help on that bub, sorry. Ask dad? Or did you like.. google it?

“Kar…a… I’m not… What? Am… am I missing something?”

“...We thought you were dead.” “You-you’ve been gone for almost--” “..Where have you been?” “Where the hell have you been?”

The sun is bad for your skin, anyways, sweetheart. Wear sunscreen. The sun will just make you look older faster or give you skin cancer. 

Oh. It will? I-I didn’t know that. 

“When you start peeling can I peel the dead skin off your back?”

“Baby.....Ew?”

“Question: did you try tanning outside or go to a bed? Because I recommend going to a bed because it’s a lot less dangerous than trying to use the sun without proper sunscreen. Also, don’t lay in a bed for more than ten minutes given that you’re super pale and you’ll just have to wait gradually until you become sun-kissed. And please, please, for the love of God, don’t get a spray tan — I had to get them all the time when I was a Cheerio and they were the worst.”

“I tried tanning outside. And I wasn’t even really actually trying, I was just outside at our pool, and I didn’t put sunscreen on and I was just kinda hoping I... wouldn’t burn.” “Really, tanning beds? But aren’t those like... bad?”

“I think you need to just refrain from trying to tan.”

“I  knooowww.” “I just-- my girlfriend tans so well and i’m like so jealous and I just wanted to see if I could.”

If I see another child with a Lego up their nose, I’m going to go crazy.

I sincerely hope your week is going better than mine. 

Where are you where kids are sticking lego’s up their nose?

… I – I just lost my voice from sucking too much dick. I wish this was a joke.

Why--why are you telling us this? Ew.

If I get called short one more time I’m stabbing someone in the shin … and that someone will most likely be Levi … or Luca.

Awe... my little shorty.

“I can’t believe I forgot how much I fucking hate Lima.”

“...Dallas.” “...You’re not..-”

lopezlevi: 

shut up, Fiona!

No! I want to know where you thought the shin was.

Be nice, Fiona.