I'm a 30-year-old Early Childhood Education graduate from #EIU. I love my Chicago teams! Big supporter of anything related to mental health and special needs.
I'm tagging @stormmist114 @giirlinterrupted @whiteheartkane @74limelight @likearrietty @ashxxkook @neckarinselstrand @kvd963 @joiningthestars @love-giselle and @dumb-ass-biatch you don't have to do this if you don't want to đ
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Hey sorry I've been MIA these last couple months. Life has been one hell of a Rollercoaster ride this year. There have been many health issues this year, some great heartbreaks, and a lot of stress. I'm still healing, mentally and physically. Hoping things will turn around soon.
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Basic husbandry and animal care needs to be taught in school. Holy shit. The amount of times Iâve had to explain to people that, no you canât feed your cat on vegetables alone, there is a lot of blood involved when animals give birth sheâs not being abused, the baby rabbit doesnât care of your dog is being âfriendlyâ itâs terrified and likely to die of shock, no the baby deer wasnât abandoned itâs waiting for itâs mother to come back do not pick it up holy shit stop taking perfectly healthy baby animals out of their environments your literally dooming them
animal care is fucking important. We share this earth with animals, they are a part of out daily lives. Itâs not just people going into animal care that need to know this shit, itâs terrifying how much people donât realize
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a/n: hi im back with a new fic even tho it kinda sucks (???) because my skills are rusty but yâall better still love me <3
summary: after countless painful heartbreaks, jonah swore to never love again but for you, he might give it one last try.
warnings: angst with fluff in the end hehe
word count: 2250
Jonah was perfectly fine with living alone in LA. His career took flight after his last breakup and he was free to live his life as wildly as he desired without having silly romantic relationships tying him down. He moved out from his old house and chose to settle in a cozy little apartment with his pet cat for a new start; he went to every single party he was invited to and usually ended up kissing way too many girls, getting way too drunk or waking up the next day with way too many gaps in his memory of the previous night; he got to put all his focus into making more music now that he had no girlfriend to put as his number one priority. Life was never better for the 23-year-old singer and he had never been happier. He was thriving on his own and he definitely didnât need toâŚ
âCanât sleep again?â
âŚhead to the neighboring apartmentâyour apartment in the middle of the night just because he couldnât sleep. He was strong enough to deal with the inner demons that kept him up at night by himself.
Yet there he was anyway, doing exactly that and falling into your arms the moment the door opened wide enough for him to pass through. You werenât the least bit surprised with his actions though, since it wasnât unusual for him to engulf you in his tight bear hugs at the most unexpected times. Or visit you, that is.
He was grateful that you never complained about them.
âYeah,â he mumbled, his voice muffled with his head buried in the crook of your neck. He couldnât stop himself from inhaling a lungful of your scent. It wasnât until then he realised how much he missed you, although the last time he saw you was this morning when you were about to leave for work and him for Danielâs house. Hours apart felt like eternity when you werenât around. âYou?â
âLost track of time while working, nothing new,â you admitted, rubbing his back in familiar strokes that put him at ease.
âWho the fuck works on a weekend?â
âYour favourite girl is a workaholic, apparently,â you joked and a smile involuntarily spread over his face and against your skin.
âAre you sure youâre my favourite girl?â
âI better be, or Iâm kicking you out of my home right now,â you tried to make your threat sound less serious by adding a light laugh but Jonah knew you werenât joking this time. You meant everything you just said (you never gave blank threats) so to some people you might be come across as intimidating, perhaps, but to Jonah, wellâŚhave you seen how small you were compared to him? He doubted you could do anything to make him leave your home if he didnât want to. But you wouldnât have to do anything becauseâŚ
âYep, youâre definitely my favorite,â he chuckled and felt how your body tensed when goosebumps started to form on the side of your neck where his hot exhales caressed.
Right. âJust friendsâ equals personal space unless you say otherwise. He reluctantly removed his head from its previous comfortable resting spot on your shoulder.
âIâm sorry. I was too closeââ
You shook your head. âItâs fine,â your hands found their way onto his face, cradling it between them gently, the simple gesture knocking his breath and all his problems out of him. God, he loved the way you touched him. âI like it when youâre close to me. Itâs just thatâŚâ
âI know,â he said when you trailed off, unable to say your thoughts out loud. He understood what you meant. Itâs just that it hurts when he does all these things to pull you closer, further blurring the line between friends and lovers, only to let you down again and again in the end. He resisted the urge to apologize once more, knowing that youâd merely brush him off with another âitâs fineâ if he did. You put up with his bullshit too much. He wondered why you hadnât blocked him out of your life after all the emotional distress he had bestowed you. Yet.
A beat of silence passed with him watching you as you studied his face. He knew what youâd see. Tired eyes, unshaven beard and disheveled hair. In short, a mess. He hadnât bothered to make himself look presentable lately. He wanted to but he couldnât find the energy to. To be honest, he had been too emotionally and physically drained to do anything lately.
He knew youâd notice and a selfish part of him desperately wanted you to fuss over him. He was an asshole, really, for wanting and taking everything from you but not giving you anything back in return. The thing was, you didnât want just anything. You wanted his love and he didnât think he was in the right state to give you that. You deserved the special kind of love that would last for a lifetime, not a pathetic one coming from a broken heart that was still in the process of healing like his.
Guilt ate him away bit by bit, especially as you did exactly what he yearned for.
âWhen was the last time you slept well, Jonah?â you asked softly, thumb brushing over his cheekbone. All traces of playfulness were gone from your eyes and were replaced by concern, worry and everything else of the sorts.
âCanât remember,â he admitted frankly, licking his lips and taking a gulp for extra courage before adding, âBeen traveling a lot lately and sleeping in foreign hotels arenât the same asâŚsleeping by your side.â
It was true. He didnât know whether itâs the domesticity of preparing for bed together and the shared âgoodnightâs before heading on a journey to dreamland, or maybe itâs the soothing feeling of your body pressed flush against his that made it easier for him to shut all the negative thoughts out, just for the night. Either way, he ended up growing addicted to holding you in his arms as he slept, which was why the nights without you had been torture for him.
A faint blush dusted your cheeks at his confession. You were oh so beautiful, he thought to himself. It scared him sometimesâhow much he adored and wanted you even when he shouldnât. âGlad you missed me.â
You sounded glad, relieved even. It was as ifâŚyou really thought you meant nothing to him.
âI always do, Y/N,â every second of the day until Iâm back in your arms. He hated himself for not having the guts to say his true thoughts out loud.
You shook your head while smiling as if you found his reply incredulous. âYouâre tired. Câmon, letâs get you to bed.â
âI meant every word I said, Y/N,â he insisted. âI didnât say that because I was delirious.â
He received no answer but he noticed how your smile seemed forced after the words left his mouth.
At this point, you probably knew better than to let yourself believe in any of his sickeningly sweet but honest words. He didnât blame you for that.
âThanks, Iâm flattered. Now, sleep time.â
He watched as you built your defenses up around you again. It was one of the most painful things heâd ever witnessed, thatâs for sure.
âAlright.â
#
The bed dipped, followed by the rustling of the comforter, before a familiar warmth hit Jonah as you nestled against his chest. This wasnât the first time you had done this, nor would it be the last time, but the effect your action had on Jonah would never cease.
Eruption of butterflies? Check.
Increase of heartbeat rate? Double check.
Suddenly having the overwhelming urge to make you his? Triple fucking check.
Habitually, he wrapped an arm around you, his hand casually resting on the curve of your waist. He could stay like this with you forever, he realised and he didnât like it one bit.
The last thing you needed in your perfect life right now was a dumb, broken man for a boyfriend. One who only knew how to turn his life experiences into songs and getting led on by girls with bad intentions because he craved the feeling of loving someone and being loved in return, even if itâs fake.
But God, it was impossible for him to not fall harder for you each day when you were the one who lights up his world with your smile, the one whoâll drunkenly blabber about how big your crush on him is in the most adorable way after accidentally having too many drinks, the one who is always there to help him catch his breath whenever he feels like drowning and most importantly, the one who sees all his flaws but doesnât love him any less because of them.
You donât deserve her, a voice in his head said as he silently looked at you. Yet why were you here, resting in his embrace?
It must be another sick joke made by the universe to taunt him. To show him how close you were to him yet still so unreachable. Even if he did manage to reach you in the end, then what? All his past relationships either ended with him accidentally breaking his significant otherâs heart or the other way round and he wasnât going to risk it with you.
He didnât want to lose you like how he did with them becauseâŚhe wasnât sure if he could ever recover from that loss.
Instead of continuing to lay on his side, he shifted his sleeping position so that his back was fully pressed against the mattress, with your head remaining on his chest.
Your bedroom was dead quiet save for the sounds of your breathing and the soft swish of the curtains that were slightly billowing in the chilly night breeze that entered through the opened sliding doors that led to the small balcony. You always slept with the curtains drawn because it let you get a clear view of the wide expanse of the night sky and if youâre lucky, you got to see stars that were littered across natureâs dark canvas. They were your only company during the lonely nights before he came along, you had once mentioned to him.
Now that he slept on the side of the bed that blocked your view of the outside world, the only thing in your line of vision was his chest, his neck, or if you tilt your head a little more upwards, his face.
Which was exactly where youâre looking at now.
âWhatâs on your mind?â Your voice was soft but it cut through the silence all the same, tearing his attention away from his racing thoughts.
âYou,â he answered swiftly, offering you a weak smile that you didnât reciprocate, causing his to eventually falter.
âFor someone who said he wasnât interested in a romantic relationship when I confessed my undying love for him, you sure think about me far too much,â you tisked and he couldnât quite tell whether you meant your words in a teasing manner or were they pure sarcasm?
âThat doesnât mean I donât feel anything for you, Y/N,â he was as torn as he sounded. One part of him yearned for you whereas the other wanted to push you away, to keep you safe. From his mess of a life and the pain it might inflict on you. âI justâŚdonât want to hurt you.â
âBut youâre hurting me now by not letting me in, you know that?â You sighed. âLook, Jonah,â âI canât wait forever for you to make up your mind.â
âBecause it hurts like hell to be this close to you,â you reached up to run your thumb across his jaw, âbut not being able to call you mine. And if the pain gets too unbearable one day, whoâs to say I wonât leave?â
He hated that you were right.
So for a moment, he let himself picture what it would be like in a world where you belonged to him and vice versa; where he could have slow, lazy mornings in bed that consisted of intimate kisses, touches, and words that warmed hearts; where heâd be able to return to a home that wouldnât be empty anymore due to your bubbly present; where he could keep you close in public with an arm securely looped around your waist or a hand holding yours without worrying that paparazzis would spread rumours that you were dating because it was true. You are his.
Life still wouldnât be perfect, but at least itâd be complete with you in it and heâd definitely be happier than he was before.
That was when he realised he was a coward for spending too much time fearing what could go wrong, instead of thinking of all the beautiful things that could go right.
Sure, he had messed things up in the past and hurt the people around him in the process but his relationship with you was the present.
That should mean something right?
MaybeâŚjust maybeâŚthe only way to truly mend his shattered heart was by learning how to love again. By giving love one more chance. One last chance.
So with a shaky breath of nervousness, he admitted, âYouâre right. Iâve kept you waiting for too long.â
âBut not any longer.â
Then he closed the remaining distance between your lips.
So my mom has been in the hospital since 2am November 20th. She had gallbladder surgery on Tuesday the 23rd. She is still dependent on oxygen, holding a lot of liquid, and can't get up and walk on her own. Sometime this week she will be moved to a rehab facility to get her up and moving more so that she doesn't have to depend on my dad or me to be home at all times. Please pray or keep her in your thoughts, whichever your comfortable with. Thank you so much guys.
So my mom has been in the hospital since 2am November 20th. She had gallbladder surgery on Tuesday the 23rd. She is still dependent on oxygen, holding a lot of liquid, and can't get up and walk on her own. Sometime this week she will be moved to a rehab facility to get her up and moving more so that she doesn't have to depend on my dad or me to be home at all times. Please pray or keep her in your thoughts, whichever your comfortable with. Thank you so much guys.
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