Opposing Sides;

I’m sick of having to go around laugh and joke and pretend I’m all happy when I’m messed up on the inside and done with everything. I’m sick of having to do things that I’d never wanna do just because I’m too afraid to say no and refuse. I’m sick of not being able to explain and defend myself nor say how I feel, I’m sick of it. I’m sick of the way I talk and act in front of people and how every situation makes me too nervous and the way my heart drops every time my phone rings and how I’m always too hesitant and insecure and unsure about myself. I’m sick of spending nights overthinking every little situation I’ve been in and feeling extremely embarrassed about myself and everything that I do. I’m sick of trying yet failing to change and fix myself but mostly, I’m sick of thinking I’ll spend the rest of my life getting sick.