krinsbez

I wanna see more stories in the “Batman Nobody Knows/Legends of the Dark Knight/Have I Got a Story For You“ model.

Some Possible Variations:

-Native Gothamites trying to fill in a new arrival.

-A bunch of low-level crooks in Blackgate sharing stories of how Batman nabbed ‘em.

-A bunch of cops trading stories about sightings.

-Several doctors at Arkham, recounting what they’ve reconstructed from their assorted patient’s rambling.

-People on a cryptid website, none of whom have ever set foot in Gotham.

-A team of D-list heroes (actual characters) gossiping.

-A team of D-list heroes (invented for story) gossiping.

–Several academics share theories.

BONUS: At least one person in each case is an incognito member of the Bat-fam, lying outrageously.

The Batman Nobody Knows! is a short from the Bronze Age, in which Bruce, in his persona as a billionaire philanthropist, takes three under-privileged inner city kids on a camping trip as some sort of Big Brothers mentorship dealie. The kids, being kids from Gotham City, inevitably end up talking about the city’s most famous cryptid, with each having a very different (and to Bruce’s increasing dismay, very wrong) idea:

-One kid asserts that, being both a stone-cold badass and objectively cool, Batman has to be a Black man, painting him as hi-tech Blaxploitation hero.

-Another declares that no, he’s an inhuman monster, like Man-Bat actually is.

-The third relates a story he heard from an ex-con who’d been captured by the Bat. Bruce’s hopes for some accuracy are quickly dashed, as said ex-con embellished the story to make himself look better, depicting Batman as a ten-foot tall giant with ludicrously huge ears, who caught him more by dumb luck than anything else.

The story concludes with Bruce donning his costume, and claiming that that’s what Batman actually looks like. The kids tell him to stop making a fool of himself.

==============================================

“Legends of the Dark Knight“ is an episode of The New Batman Adventures, in which several Gotham City kids gossip about the latest criminal menacing the city, which segues into them talking about how Batman will inevitably kick said villain’s butt, and then segues into an argument about what Batman is like. One kid says he’s some kind of “pterodactyl monster”, but the substance of the episode is taken up by two other kids, who’s stories are depicted as homages to past takes on the Gotham Gladiator; one to the Silver Age Batman, in the style of Dick Sprang, the other a homage to The Dark Knight Returns.

After telling their tales, the kids manage to witness the final battle between the Dark Knight and the mystery villain, who turns out to be Firefly. In the conclusion, all of them crow at having been vindicated, prompting another argument.

===============================================

…



Screw you, Lincoln.

Haw haw haw. Yeah right. Whatchu do, man. You ain’t got a scratch on you. The heck you doing in D block if you ain’t the same lowlife you always been? Ha ha ha.

I said screw you Lincoln! Screw. You.

Ooh, I hit a nerve or somethin’? Come on, baby. I gotchu. You miss ol Lincoln? You miss Mama Blackgate???

It was the bat, you ass.

Psssh get outta here with that.

….

Even if the Bat was real, which he ain’t, what the heck he want with a schmuck like you?

I was throwin’ merch bound for the Iceberg. Hired me clean thru my PO. A dock job. 7 hours on, 1 hour for lunch, union, the works.

How’s a con like you get a gig like that?!

I know, right? But Amber just had Mikey Jr., and the money was amazing up front and no one was hiring.

Damn, dude.

Alls I gotta do is show at the docks around 11 on a Sunday night and throw some crates in a truck. I don’t ask. I don’t care. All I want is my biweekly and my PO to die in a fire.

So cut the bull, man. You’re back here in my loving arms.

SCREW. YOU.

Come on, baby. Don’t be coy.

Douche.

Come on baby. Sit on daddy’s lap.

Screw you, screw your dumbass kid, your whore wife, and your ugly useless damn dog.

Ante up, baby. It’s your deal. Gotta pay to play, sugar.

Here’s your ante. 5 stud…

I was throwing my crates man. Nobody getting hurt or robbed. Loading boxes is all. Next thing I know, the driver loses three teeth and get a dislocated jaw. All I see is flash of movement. The guy from the iceberg (forgetisname) sunglasses, a suit, and a gun at night like a jerk. Well, he’s down next. Black hand grabs him under the nose and slams him onto the concrete. I keep hearing that sound. 

Damn, bro.

Right? Like it was way beyond sickening. I heard it and it made me wince… anyways. I see this, I dunno, Black thing running around popping dudes. Each of them falling down screaming.

Tell me you ain’t no rat. Tell me my celly baby ain’t a damn rat.

Cool it, Lincoln. I didn’t rat. I just didn’t fight.

Pussy.

Yeah, because there’s some nobility in doing a dime with a broken nose and no teeth for the first year?

Haw haw haw, that’s damn true. So what’d you do, baby?



I sat my happy ass on crate and surrendered.

Welcome back, sugar. Haw haw haw.

-Legends of the Dark Knight #94, “Viewpoint”. Quoth mirrorfalls:

It’s been more than a decade since I read it, but I can still distinctly remember the plot: a bunch of people get trapped in an elevator and share anecdotes of Batman to pass the time. 

Unlike the stories you mention, this one is more explicitly a tribute to different points in Batman’s history (Golden Age, Silver Age, etc.) 

(which I guess makes it like the B:TAS episode?)

-Batman #423, “You Shoulda Seen Him…"  Quoth mirrorfalls:

This one is told from three cops’ viewpoints; I’m not too hot on it because it was written by Jim Starlin at the height of his “be Frank Miller except worse in every measure” kick, so there’s a fair bit of Reagan-era brainrot, but for completionism’s sake… 

-The BTAS episode “P.O.V.” Quoth mirrorfalls:

It’s prooooobably stretching the premise to the breaking point to include BTAS’ “P.O.V.” (and you’ve likely already seen it), but give that an honorary mention as well.

(I have seen it, though I don’t recall it well. However, I’m pretty sure it’s really more of a Rashomon-type dealie, so mirrorfalls is right on both points)

-Detective Comics #719, “Sound and Fury”. Quoth mirrorfalls:

theoretically a tie-in to Cataclysm, but the earthquake stuff is solely in the last two pages. Before that it’s a charming (if childish) tale of a petty con exaggerating his encounter with Batman.

-Batman #584, Quoth mirrorfalls:

“The Dark Knight Project”, is about two student filmmakers going around making a documentary about Batman. They do interact with the man himself at the end, which might spoil the fun a little, but I remember it being a pretty good story.

(There was a fan-film of the same title made after Batman Begins; no idea what that’s like.)

Thanks again to @mirrorfalls!

Serum Visions

Package art for the Casshan: Robot Hunter (1993) OVA (original video animation) from Tatsunoko Productions and Artmic.

James Bond Collection

Octopussy (1983)

Me: So it’s like hot pot meets conveyor belt sushi-

Wife: Okay so like the toppings come around—

Me: No. Instead of a belt there’s a trough with broth. To cook stuff you hold it in the hot trough soup. If there’s a thing you like that’s been cooking you spoon it out into your bowl.

Wife: This is awful

Me: I strongly feel troughs are being underutilized in US cuisine.

Wife: …are you secretly a pig?

Illustration from AN ANIMAL A B C by Harry B. Neilson (London/Glasgow/Bombay : Blackie and Son Ltd., 1918?)

WG11: Puppets (1989) is another painful “Greyhawk” scenario that adds nothing to the setting and is filled with groaners. There is a leprechaun named Freddy McKruger who is looking for his friend Jason. That’s about the level of humor we’re looking at here.

This thing is cobbled together from two RPGA tournament scenarios, one of which was originally set in Ravens Bluff (which would eventually be incorporated into Forgotten Realms, not Greyhawk). I think this is also true of Child’s Play and Gargoyle, and probably goes a long way toward explaining why these are trying so hard to be funny and feel so out of place for the setting. Honestly, the second half of this one, which involves animated Puppet Master-style puppet thieves, could maybe be worked into something decent. But out of three modules, that’s honestly all that’s worth mentioning.

The thing with jokes in games is that you can’t write them down and expect them to land. Freddy McKruger was possibly a funny quip on the fly at a convention game, but as soon as it got written down, it became the stupidest parody joke ever. Laughter is a staple at the table, but you have to let it be free. I am always trying to incorporate the stupidest stuff to get laughs, but it’s for the table, not posterity. All these joke scenarios are trying so hard to be funny when what they should be doing is trying to give the players the material they need to be funny.

Wrapping up the WG-series this week, beginning with WG10: Child’s Play (1989).

Now, truly the nadir of the series, and perhaps all of Greyhawk generally, is WG9: Gargoyle. So if there is one positive thing about Child’s Play, it’s that it didn’t drag the line into deeper disrepute. But that’s about it.

Just look at the thrilling text from the back of the book, which tells you absolutely nothing about the scenario. As if it were embarrassed to mention that there is section involving yeth hounds titled “Yeth or No.” Or that Yeenoghu shows up to hunt rabbits. Or that there’s a gold dragon who speaks in a litany of Valley Girl “likes.”

This action-packed adventure module is especially designed to give beginning Dungeon Masters and players help in learning the AD&D game system. But don't be fooled by the title! The adventure is far from easy — in fact, it has challenges that can bring the careless character's adventuring career to an abrupt halt! Filled with surprises and excitement, the adventure is still easy to referee — and during the game, players and the DM alike will pick up tips and information that will prove useful for many games to come.

So, yea, it’s an introductory scenario rated for characters level 13 to 15. It has a froghemoth in it. And a demon lord. And a vampire named Luigi.