I cannot stop from comparing myself to others. This feeling makes me feel nauseous and I can't help feeling pathetic and angry at myself. I think this feeling is getting worse and I really don't like it. It ruins so much, seeing something that I am not, seeing a connection I can't make, etc. I want to puke and I just really detest this feeling. How I can't be happy with myself, my situation, etc but at the same time aware of how wonderful and precious everything is. Sometimes I just get lost comparing myself to others and how their lives are or how they look or how they are around people. I can't help it no matter how aware I am about how silly these things I'm comparing myself with are or how I know how wonderful everything in my life is. I feel sick all the time. I realized today I have changed a lot since before (obv) but in a sort of bad way. My constant struggle with comparing myself stops me from so much.. I really wish it didn't.

It’s weird how my relationship has grown so much in the past year and a half. We have lots of learning to do along the way but just thankful to have someone who wants to try as much as I do and someone who has also taught me so much in ways he won’t he even know. I am very much in love and I love it, i love how it feels to be with him, to see him, to talk to him and be excited for our future. Fuck I am so in love it’s crazy amazing.