Lately I've learned to be a little more guarded & jaded. I'll still care but I now realize there's a point where I just have to stop. Because it's not worth my time or energy anymore, no matter who it is. Friend or foe. I just don't really care about anyone other than myself right now.....

Things are starting to look up I'm really happy with everything in my life It feels so good I can't even believe it sometimes But I hate seeing those who I care for go through bad times, I feel like I can't do anything to help even though I try my best. But I'll keep trying to help others.

Holy shit I need to stop drinking

You get to a point where you realize everything will be okay. The world will still turn and the sun will rise the next day. I've got a lot of emotional maturity I need to do. I need to be more empathetic because my actions/ words can really hurt others.

It's 2:35 I'm not sure why I'm here drinking again.... I'm less than a month out from my tournament. I have no self control. Drinking whiskey makes me feel good and loosens my mood up. I fucking hate it.

I've got to stop living in the past. I keep reopening old wounds. It's over and done with. Let go, move on & heal.

My love is undying Forever grateful for everything and everyone Hate is evil and wasteful Love is stronger than hate Always forgive, always love I love those who I'm closest to Be a better person, patience Be kind to everyone, no matter what You are important and you are enough Don't forget to love yourself Above all else, peace in your heart & mind will lead to everything else in your life being beautiful

It's almost 3am I'm sitting here at bar by myself taking shots of Jameson after a long shift. I'm about a month away from my tournament. Life is fucking weird. Get your hear ripped out, stumble, get back up and repeat. I'm not sure how I got to this point that I'm at in my life right now. It's kind of scary. I'm not really sad anymore just think everything is strange. I guess you could say I'm somewhat happy but not quite fully. I'm not sure where I'm going with this post....

I've realized that is okay to be different from everyone. I don't have to do what everyone else is doing. Chances are most people aren't doing what I'm doing.

To dwell on my own disappointments would be selfish & wasteful. To fill my heart with hate is not who I am. I'll take this as a lesson learned & try to make myself a better person because of it....