k.may

                                   2pm I 27.10.17 I friday 

so i went out to dry my hair 

in the warm sun

  as i was walking past the park i saw 

those  empty swings  begging for someone to sway with them 

and i went

 without thinking twice about what could go wrong

 like I am taught to do so 

i started to swing 

slowly at first- like testing the waters

i found myself getting conscious of my attire-

revealing my long slender legs that were out in the open 

beyond the insecurity jail

my dark now short bush- like hair staining wet the white t-shirt 

that once belonged to my mother

my colorful shoes that looked bigger than my feet 

but the swing did not stop 

and i kept moving 

to and fro 

to and fro 

to and fro 

i let myself drench in the moment 

and i could feel my eyelids shutting away the world 

and then 

there was the wind again 

reaching me swiftly past my diffidence

and lead me to Her 

she did not care about 

the middle aged man looking at her through his window 

or the people on the bench silently judging her 

or taking pictures of her 

or laughing at her 

or her thin legs 

or her fluffy hair 

or huge shoes 

and 

every time she went back she came forward higher than the last time 

why did she not care ?

why would she bother to move forward if she was going to be pushed back anyways ?

i realized the swing was slowing down now 

as i dropped to reality and 

she was gone 

teaching me that 

she had loved herself too much to care for what they think 

and strived relentlessly for what she desired 

She was Me 

not now 

but so long ago that i forgot i had her in me 

my hair was dry now 

so i went home 

hoping to meet her more often 

as food for the dreamer in me.