MIDI for your soul

Raymond Jonson (American, 1891-1982)

"Rock at Sea", 1920–1922

Oil on canvas, 88.9 x 104.2 cm (35 x 41 in.)

like, perhaps you are seeking out new skills to try not because you're necessarily interested in just being good at them, but specifically to see if you will be exceptionally good at them without trying. ykwim? testing to see if you "have talent" because it would prove to the part of you that doesn't comprehend your inherent preciousness as a living human being that there is "something of value" in you. which, again, the thing of value in you is you. you had inherent immutable value as a baby and babies can't do shit*. do u get me. everything else is just gravy.

it's very easy to learn fast without trying and exceed expectations as a child, for obvious reasons I think. and if that's the only thing you felt valued for, you are gonna miss that feeling like hell as an adult and part of you might even get Big Mad at the insinuation that you have value even if you are truly doing nothing and producing nothing and excelling at nothing. at which point it's time to sit with that feeling and affirm it but also ask it some questions.

so anyway my end point here is that although "you need to get comfortable with being bad at things so that you can get good at them" is not bad advice, I think it might not be addressing the actual source of the issue for a lot of people