He knew he should never trust a harbinger, that’s what everyone told him when you first entered his life. But you were so full of life and ideas, matching his thirst for knowledge and need for long talks on philosophy, with a hefty enough wallet to afford another one of his expensive whims.

Zhongli knew what it was he was falling for, he was no fool. He was sure that if you truly had a deeper, hidden side that you would show the cracks in due time.

But when he did see behind your perfect appearance, he saw a broken person with desires and raw emotions. He saw the pain in your eyes as you told him you didn’t want to continue working for evil, but you had no other choice. He cried for you, just as you cried for him. He loves you, and you loved him, no matter what other people may say.

And you understood him. You understood his personality, the hidden motives behind every action, and even when he did some of the most questionable acts, you knew that it was for the better of Liyue.

You were flawed, just like any other human being, but oh, were you perfect in Zhongli’s eyes.

He knew you were meant to be together as your lips fell against one another’s, perfectly synchronized like you knew what Zhongli was going to do and matched him perfectly. He knew you were meant to be together as you both went walking around the plains during a full moon, singing to glaze lilies and having to fight back against the whopperflowers that came.

He knew you were meant to be together when on your first anniversary, you smiled at him as you handed him a gift wrapped in ribbon, that smile that only seemed to have him in your eyes forever.

And ever.

And.

Ever.

“…why?”

He knew he should’ve never trusted a harbinger, heeding to the warnings of the people around him saying that you were a spider trying to get him caught in your web. He should’ve known the hidden truth behind the crocodile tears that escaped your eyes and the venom that poured out of your lips every time you spoke another beautiful lie.

“I’m sorry Morax.”

Why didn’t you sound sorry?

Why were you smiling so sinisterly that Zhongli couldn’t recognize who you were and why you had taken on the appearance of his kind lover?

“I tried to encourage you to give away your gnosis, I really did! Oh, but you were just too stubborn and forced me to take it myself.”

He still wanted to believe this was all a sick joke, even as your hand went through his chest and tore out his gnosis from within. But no matter how much he tried to wake up from this nightmare, he could never escape the condescending grin on your face.

You must’ve been planning this for a long time to know a way to forcibly pull out his gnosis without his permission.

He wondered if you could feel the way his heart sank from where your hand was.

“We could’ve been something, ya know? Too bad luck just wasn’t on our side, right honey?”

You took your hand out of his chest, holding the small chess piece in your fingers, the light orange jewel in the middle was dyed red with his blood. Zhongli fell forward into your arms as he could no longer support his own body from the gaping hole inside of his chest that caused him severe blood loss. He grabbed onto your shirt tightly, bunching up the cloth in his hands as so many yet so little words tried to escape his mouth.

“…how much of it was real?”

Oh, he hated how warm the arm you had around him that prevented him from falling over was. He wanted to believe you still loved him, that this was all just you being blackmailed into doing another mission by your crazed ruler.

“My dearest Morax.”

My.

You said my.

Zhongli’s eyes lit up with hope as he craned his head to gaze at you. You cradled his chin in your hand just as you always did, and smiled kindly at him.

“None of it.”

That smile was anything but kind.

“Every archon except the Tsaritsa could die for all I care, as long as it’s in her interest nothing matters. Whatever made you think I could love you beyond the act I put up to get you to trust me? You’re a filthy, conceited and no good God that is undeserving of the dirt at the bottom of my shoe.”

Every word you spat out in hatred sounded so lovely, velvety as it resounded in his chest. Or at least what was left of it.

“…why?”

He would’ve preferred it if you just killed him before he fell deeply in love with you.

Zhongli felt his eyes brim with tears. He wanted to laugh at how foolish he was for ever believing your lies that you coated in sweet deception and false adoration.

“Morax. You are the strongest archon, with full devotion for your people who love you equally as much. But the higher up one is, the harder they fall.”

Your eyes narrowed coldly, in the same way you gazed at your enemies. Frankly, the only reason why you bothered to give him his desired answers was because of all the time you spent together.

“That’s why we decided that if the losses would be too great if we fought, why not just betray you? Ah, but you don’t hold anyone close to you, so we had to create someone.”

You watched as he writhed in your hold, trembling as he cried into your embrace and despite the circumstances he couldn’t help but still find the comfort he felt before today.

“Please Morax.”

A hand laid on the back of his head as you hugged him, feeling how he gradually lost the energy to continue fighting.

“Just die quietly.”

Your fingers combed through his hair and he couldn’t see the expression you were making, but he didn’t desire to. For once, he just wanted to pretend to himself and imagine that you were crying over him.

“If I wasn’t an archon, would you have loved me?”

“Perhaps. I hope Celestia will find a place for you there, and you won’t despise me too much.”

He laughed sorrowfully.

“I could never hate you.”

And now here you stood, holding your fallen lover in your arms, with his gnosis in your hand. His blood dripped from his body to the floor beneath you, and all you were left to remember him was the emptiness in your heart where he once filled.

“Happy first anniversary, Xiansheng.”

With heavy lids, you gazed at the world in front of you through the glass window of your house. The nation you had created, built from scratch of the ashes from the previous archon war. Briefly, you consider their fate after your demise and realize they wouldn’t need you anymore.

This world doesn’t need you anymore.

Or perhaps it’s that you don’t need the world anymore.

The Tsaritsa knew what you were thinking when you willingly gave away your gnosis to her. It was hard not to, after centuries of a close friendship. Since that day, you were already expecting your death. You didn’t have the life in your eyes you once did 500 years ago, but like a corpse floating on water you carried on aimlessly.

For too long.

“Is this my erosion?”

Like Azdaha who went mad, losing his memories of the nation he once swore to protect, you were also gradually losing yourself after years of fighting.

But your erosion wasn’t as simple as going mad. No- it was gradual, and painful. Not for your physical vessel, but for your mind.

The Tsaritsa had long realized you were losing yourself, losing the zeal she once looked up to as a young archon. Morax told you that it’s only a matter of time, and Barbatos could only gaze at you with a sorrowful expression.

— “You don’t enjoy being an Archon anymore, do you? You are the strongest of your nation, you feel that it is your responsibility to care for and lead them, because they all look up to you. Nobody will know who’s died in your arms, they will only know the great legends of your title. Yet, what about you? What about what you want?”

— “What I want..?”

Relief. Relief from your duties. To live in the minds of the future generations as a strong and powerful Archon, and not as the miserable shell you have become.

You stared blankly at the children walking with their parents, some running around with their friends and ordering food from street vendors. They all feel safe under the world that you created. It was a perfect serentity, at the cost of one singular archon’s freedom.

So why couldn’t you feel the same serenity? The same safety?

— “I know this because…well.”

You have eroded.

— “You have the same pitiful expression as I do.”

You collapsed to the ground, coughing up a black, syrupy substance that could only be from your own body being corrupted from the inside out. Almost mockingly, the children outside laughed louder, making your ears ring as you couldn’t stop coughing up the pitch black, eroded blood.

This was the physical manifestation of your suffering.

All of this pain, this black blood, was already in your mind.

— “Just call my name, and I will be there.”

You extended your stained hand to the air, towards the window that allowed bright lighting to escape. A sickening smile on your face, not out of happiness but irony.

“Adeptus Xiao.”

— “Every time. No matter where I am, I will always be there when you call. I promise.”

“Alatus…”

Like a mantra, you kept on chanting his name in desperation, each time more slowly than the other until all that came out was a small whisper.

Since when were you staring at the ceiling? You pondered. And why couldn’t you move your limbs anymore?

“[Name]!”

And like the shadow in your mind that always followed you, he arrived without fail.

You grinned, trying to speak but the words proved to be difficult to come out.

“…You kept your promise.”

Not once had Xiao ever expected to find you like this. Not you, the strongest person in this world who stood tall against the greatest of adversities. Regardless of the slim possibility of there being someone who could even harm you to this extent, there wasn’t a chance of you dying. Somehow you always found a way.

You can always find a way, Xiao believed such an absurd idea wholeheartedly.

But you were bleeding so much black blood, and he was growing nauseous from the trepidation as you beckoned him over.

Oh, but what would happen if you didn’t want to find a way out of your death?

At the realization, the lump in Xiao’s throat grew larger, like it wanted to swallow him whole. Maybe it’s because you have the same grieved expression as him that made him realize it, realize that the darkness within you was an overwhelming desire for death but unable to kill yourself.

But you have lit up his painful life, and made it livable— even the tiniest bit easier.

So why?

He fell to his knees beside you. Gently as he always did around you, his calloused hands lifted up your head and his eyes filled with burning tears that only increased as you smiled softly at him, running your hand along his cheek. He tried to wipe away the blood off of your lips, but it seemed the more he wiped the more that escaped from your mouth, so he could only resort to comforting you in his arms.

“I’m dying, Xiao’er.”

“No…there has to be a way! You- you can’t-”

Your thumb rubbed his cheek, wiping away at any tears that cascaded down his ivory skin.

Why wasn’t Xiao enough to make you want to stay?

“Be good without me, okay? Take care of my people, remind the traveler to take a break, don’t you dare neglect your health too, or I’ll get Morax to beat sense into you.”

Xiao choked out a sob, shaking his head repeatedly with his eyes closed, whispering ‘no’ and ‘you can’t die.’ But you ignored his words and continued speaking.

“Alatus, I will always be with you, even after death. You have lit up my miserable life and made it enjoyable, for that I will forever be grateful.”

“Then-then why are you leaving me? You’re stronger than anyone, erosion can’t kill you! Unless…unless you’ve been wanting to die.”

You neither confirmed nor denied his words.

“I’m tired, Alatus. Far too tired after all this time.”

Your eyes turned to crescent moons, wrinkling slightly at the edges as they glistened with tears that almost seemed to sparkle in the lighting. Your body slowly started to fade away, starting with the fingertips that held Xiao’s cheek comfortingly. He hopelessly tried to grab at your body, like if he held you tight enough he could prevent you from disappearing.

“You said we were gonna stay together forever, and once you finally found a successor we would run away to somewhere we could be free from the troubles of the world! You liar! [Name], you liar!”

Now that you thought about it, the thought was nice. Living in a small cottage, just you and Xiao. You’d live by the lake and take a stroll together in the forest everyday, say hi to the elderly neighbors and help them take their groceries home. Xiao would complain that you are too nice, but the small smile on his face as the neighbor’s grandkid’s crowded around you both would beg to differ.

Before you knew it, almost your entire body had turned into the glitter that escaped out the window and out into the air. The families passing by, pointing at it and watching in awe as it swirled around in the air and did tricks to amuse the children, like it was trying to show the energetic personality of their archon, who loved all their subjects until the very end.

“Alatus.”

“No, don’t say it. Please, don’t say it. Don’t make this sound like a goodbye!”

“I love you.”

He yelled for someone to help you, anyone, even the mysterious beings up above in Celestia.

“Farewell, my beloved Alatus.”

And as the last bits of you turned to dust, he clutched your clothing that now lacked a body and cried into it for what seemed to be days.

“Goodbye, my [Name].”

Xiao wished you had just called his name sooner, when you first began to suffer quietly.

Maybe then the painful aching of his heart would’ve been relieved, if even the tiniest bit.

It was you who died that day, but he swore he died as well.