maple

hi everyone. my apologies for not posting much, ive been busy and also just been having a really difficult time. with the release of new content from my main source I have received some of the most traumatic memories I have ever had to navigate. I'm trying my best to get through them, but it's a lot to deal with. death and betrayal and all that, I feel it in my stomach all the time. I'll try to get back to being myself but for a bit I might need time to process.

one of the things i believe is left over from my time as an angel is my desire to be loud. I want to be imposing and grand and i want you to kneel before me and listen to my word. i hardly remember what that word may have been, as ever since i fell my desire to speak has become one to scream. one to wail out, beg the ones who did this to me to tell me why. why would you take my wings. my beauty. i am me yet i am corrupt. i am unholy in a way my past self detests. why would you do this to me?

i think it's oddly poetic that I'm kin with both Cassidy and Diana. it's a bit hard to phrase since I'm still not used to having multiple kin from the same source, but we were extremely close friends in my memories and it's funny that we're both here in this life now. Somehow we found each other across the multiverse and we can continue causing chaos and spreading love together. it's hilarious and heartwarming and feeling the love from both of them for each other in my memories is really powerful.

I think I may have a new highest kin possibly even two 😭 previously it was by far maple but I'm close to kinfirming both diana and cassidy from project: edens garden and while its very strange to have multiple kins from the same source i feel incredibly connected to both of them and the rest of the characters feel like friends to me (ESPECIALLY KAI I MISS YOU KAI <333) so i guess this also makes this a bit of a canon call :3 if there are any sourcemates out there feel free to reach out! I believe I have memories with most of the cast.

sooooo im trying to figure out if this is gonna be a cameo shift or something but..... i think ive been in a jinx shift for at least 24 hours now. i dont ever have shifts this long anyways. this has just been a little troubling because yk how jinx is.... lol. just wanna smile and crush things. its a bit of a pain in my ass but im getting through it.

fuck im. I'm going through it right now. I can't tell what's going on I don't know if this is a shift or if I'm just overreacting I don't know. this pain is real. I really do feel this. I think this confirms my suspicions. I'm fucked up right now.

i think I've just been in a bit of a constant maple shift lately. I mean she was already one of my most prominent kintypes but lately it's just felt very intense. thinking of the facility, the organization, my friends and my family, it all feels so vivid right now. im trying to make the most of it but I wish I had better ways of coping with the homesickness. better dream control, more effective meditation, anything. maybe this can be my motivation for it.

absolutely crushed by memories right now. i miss everyone so much, i wish it was easier to find sourcemates because i just.... man. i get caught up in the life i once lived. feels like its been an eternity since i saw everyone and theres so much i want to say. so many apologies i owe. i miss safalin and miley and i know the chances of me finding them again are close to nothing, but i can just. sit here and hope. I would give anything to tell them how much i love them without any sort of program in the way. i hope with all my heart they still think of me.