fuck

saying cats don't contribute to the household is slander: they do have a job and it's going into mystery crevices and collecting all the cobwebs on their stupid little head

She should be at the club

(absolutely haunted expression, 1000 yard stare) Do yuo want to play with me this weekend

earlier this year 2 boys got expelled from my school for going on a teachers email and sending another teacher an email that says “you’re a disgusting little man” and i laugh about it all the time because imagine opening an email from your coworker and thinking it’s important and then it says that

travelling back to the paleolithic era to explain to a neanderthal that in the future there will be food that is simultaneously disgusting and also the best tasting food you've ever eaten. the neanderthal nods and says "oh yeah we have that" and leads me to a clearing in the woods where a perfectly normal mcdonalds sits.

Look outBig tooth cat in play place

hello my name is Stray Hair snd my big dream is to play the itsy bitsy spider on broadway. doyou mind if i practice on the side of your head.

first rule of storing tupperware is have fun and be yourself. second suggestion is slam the cabinet door quickly and don’t worry ‘bout it.

if you vote me for president i vow to make everything the ocean again. no more land only ocean. this will solve all of our problems and replace them with new, far more interesting problems

and neither of them are actually hiring

Those is some weird alligators