Why Am I Still Here?

if you vote me for president i vow to make everything the ocean again. no more land only ocean. this will solve all of our problems and replace them with new, far more interesting problems

btw it's so fucking stupid you can be anxious physically in your body even after you've decided mentally you don't care. I'm supposed to be in charge here

i hate the word spicy can we bring back calling things erotic

rolling up to Wendy's to get an erotic chicken sandwich

people should be allowed to have low ambition, and also be able to feed a family on the salary of a cashier at a convenience store.

[looking at people younger than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at people older than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at myself] its over

"Are you good in bed?" No, I can't sleep.

I just don't think we ever wrapped up the Clown Sightings of 2016 in a satisfactory way.