SLUT / SAINT

bold :      always   applies   •     italics :     sometimes   applies    or   partner   specific     •  bold   +   italics :     favorite   •     strike :      never   applies     •     no emphasis :  neutral . 

stole from @fezdispenser

           it’s frustrating sometimes, the way he wishes he could talk with the ease; that he could articulate the feelings that he doesn’t know what to do with, but he’s never know how too; eighteen years of being told those feelings make you weak, that they couldn’t be trusted; and that’s all he’s seen; a jaded view on what love looked like. but now he’s thinking that maybe his grandma was wrong about that – that this could be something really fucking beautiful – but still, that doubt that eats it him, about what he deserves, still playing somewhere in the back of his mind. he’s always set on high alert, ready for the pin to drop in any given situation, and it’s tentative still – this could all fall apart at the seams and that’s  makes this whole trying to talk about his feelings terrifying, but not as terrifying losing her again.

           her hand moving to his wrist, the feeling of her skin on his electric, the way it made him crave for her touch even more, to hold her, to kiss her, that is all  he wants now, it’s like everything he’s held back for months is coming pouring out, adrenaline rush through his veins, and he’s sure this high beats any man made chemical reaction, because he’s been high, but nothing’s ever left like this.

            he keeps her close, foreheads touching, his hands moving to her waist, eyes fixed on hers like she’s the only thing in the fucking world worth looking at (and isn’t she though?) his mind still racing, trying to piece together what this meant for them now, did she like, forgive him? she kissed him back, her hands slip around his waist too, head on his chest, and fuck this is all he’s wanted for months; this moment, this feeling, and it’s a little overwhelming the way it all bubbles up in the chest – this was for real.

           caught up in his own thoughts for a moment, her voice pulling him back out, and he’s nodding, hell yeah – this is perfect. “yeah – ” eyes slip closed as they just hold each other, focusing on the way her arms feel around his waist, the closeness between them, her face buried in his neck, he can feel her breath on his skin, and he’s leaning in, lips pressed against her temple, a soft sigh of relief follows. his voice soft, mouth curls to a nervous smile, cause like they were really doing this. “ it cool if i stay for  bit? – this is nice” nice was a fucking understatement, but he’s nervous, his teeth sinking into his lip, no part of him ready to leave, and he hopes she feels the same.

                   kat was sure that if she had any tears left in her, this moment -- being entangled in him with his lips pressed against her skin -- would cause her to cry again. but at least this time they would be tears of joy. she couldn’t help but still feel a little overwhelmed with the way things had played out over the last few minutes. the waves of emotions that crashed over her were turbulent to say the least. from the lowest low to a moderate high. breathing him in like this, having fez so close to her now seemed to make it all worth it. 

                   they lingered in the closeness for a moment before his words distracted her, he always managed to bring her back down to earth when she’d gotten a little too lost in her head. long lashes fluttered open again as her head came up off his chest. though she kept her arms around his middle, her hands had slid to the side of his body which allowed her to step back again and really look at his features. this time, she wasn’t looking at him through a cloud of glassy tears or heightened emotions. she could now see the effect all this had had on him too, his eyes showing her just how much he’d hurt - even if it wasn’t half as much as what she had felt. that was important to her, to be able to see that he meant every word.

                   nodding softly as a hand came up to push a strand of her own hair behind her ear. her stomach doing somersaults at the thought of him wanting to stay there with her, because fuck yeah it was nice. she offered a sheepish smile before saying, “y-yeah, of course you can stay.” he didn’t have to fucking leave if he didn’t want to but she wasn’t going to say that out loud, not yet at least. kat’s hand droppded down to his and turned her body back toward her bed. she tugged on his hand softly to direct him back with her. 

                  literally minutes before she wanted nothing more than for him to leave, now all she wanted was to stay -- to be under the covers with him pretending the rest of the world didn’t exist. climbing into bed she reached the other side and lay down to face him as he settled in awkwardly. this was the first time any guy she’d really liked had ever been in her bed like this, which felt weird. like she was a little frozen in the fear of rejection, even though he’d just professed to her how much he wanted her to be his. kat was all out of logic right now so instead of overthink things like she maybe normally would have she pulled herself closer to him again. 

                   as she stared up at him again, there was no room in her mind for intrusive thoughts or overthinking. this was what she had wanted for the longest fucking time and even though getting here caused her so much pain... she was finally happy. her hand moved up to lightly caress the back of his neck before holding him, she was now reaching to pull him down because all she wanted was to kiss him more. kat tilted her head slightly and their lips met. every single time she found herself kissing fez her eyes practically rolled back, he smelled so fucking good, he tasted so fucking good, this was pure bliss to her.