high times

[ID: a realistic drawing of a brown bull with red, yellow, and white flowers around its left horn and in its mouth. End ID]

i think every gay person should get a monthly stipend for. piercings and such also beverages. and i think every trans person should get to hit people with sticks legally

LOST SEWING NEEDLE INCIDENT NOBODY MOVE

I want to log on to the mushroom chat so bad

chefs kiss...? 😳 no way.... do they? seriously....? 😳

it’s jsut fucked up that we bred pigeons to be our companions and then when we no longer had use of them we just abandoned them and now we treate them like menaces and pests and  people want them dead they are our FRIENDS

I was drunk but right

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."

scooby doo taught me that its okay to smoke weed and eat a big sandwich