Kister

On the outside looking in. You see bubbly, confident and happy. On the inside I struggle a battle only few can understand. This isn’t to say I’m not that bubbly happy confident girl. I tottaly am her. But I also am closed off, full of anxieties and have sever self esteem issuses. The lil white pill helps but it isn’t the fix, I need to be what people want which makes me sad. My whole life I have battled with who iam as a person. The extrovert and the introvert. Maybe Iam both? I just wish it was okay to be both without always hurting someone or myself. I am my worst enemy,I wear my scars deep. At 30 years old I still do not have it all figured out. I have many questions to where I want to be, or how to get there? But I feel like are we really suppose to know? I kinda enjoy the surprizes life gives me. I spent my whole life trying to please people and divide myself between love and friends and love for friends. In the end I ’m never the winner. The person I always need to work on is me. I should be loved for who iam. This is me love it or hate it. I have always been me, I’m not fixable I can be flexable but it has to be on my own time. Which is selfish to say. But for my own sanity it needs to be done. When I disspoint someone or hurt someone if affects me in ways they will never know. I make mistakes I fuck up. I’m sometimes happy but then get really sad. But its me this is just who iam. I Krysta Marie King am a person who suffers from anxiety. The best way I know how for me.

Everytime I try to write on these things. I get a little anxiety on how to go about it. It always starts as this amazing story that has a strong moment, a sad moment a happy moment. But then soon as I open to write it it's gone. So frustrating if I could openly express how I feel.I would probably be less hostile. I wish someone could just come visit how I think and feel for a minute. Too see the real. To see what it's like to live in the mind of "Krysta". I'm not even sure what that means. All I know is that thirty years on this planet and I'm still trying to figure out the world. I almost feel like a sitcom where the whole world knows what I should do but me. I'm just the pun of the joke. At thirty I figured I would have a four year old by now. Who was bright and smart. Funny and a reflection of who their parents were.A job that appreated me, because of the hard work I do. But as I look back on my life I'm still the same ol Krysta with the same unrealistic goals still hoping to meet hanson. And have some children to teach weather it be my own or not. I also think I'm still the same Krysta that loves , that stays and the one who cares to please the one she loves more then herself. Who knows what the furture brings for me. But i hope in the end I get a happy ending.

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