Kiss of Wanderlust

Sometimes I wish I had the guts to text you and see how you’re doing, but then I remember that you probably don’t care. I don’t know why but the more my life carries on the more I think about the past and wonder how things would have turned out had I not gone and fucked it up. I wonder what our future would have been like - would my life be better or worse? I wish I could have been there for you when your mum passed away but I wasn’t, and there is nothing I can say to change that. Not enough apologies to turn every hurtful thing I ever said back. To turn back all the things I did. I doubt you’ll ever see this but if you do...I’m not sure what to expect. I can’t be so full of myself as to wonder if you still check up on my life. I wish I could see you and see how you are doing and talk face to face. As a friend or whatever. I miss my best friend, believe it or not. And that’s what you were. I wonder if there is anything left there. Despite all the hurtful shit that went down towards the end, time really healed and matured me. I can finally look back with a fondness at our time together. I appreciate the memories and the life lessons. All the growing we did together. Thanks to you I really did progress a lot. And so for that, thank you. And if you do ever see this, let me know. And then I’ll know all this that I’ve been wondering :) The end.