Losin my will to live

(My real name is kinsley but no ones supposed to know that....)

starve

I dont even have YouTube

If anything, I just got worse. I should be posting this on my alt, but whatever. I feel like everyone who follows me should know. I'm slowly getting worse. Ive been crying myself to sleep the past few nights because of how sad it all is. I don't even have major trauma that would make me this way, so why am I doing this? The worst of it was last night when I curled myself into a ball and just sobbed harder than I ever have in my life. I feel so unloved by the people that I need love the most from. I always get shut down and pushed away for no reason, I hate it. I hate myself for letting it happen. When I had that talk with my mom the other night, I was gonna tell her the guilt I feel for making it known that I'm not doing well but she just said "it's fine", stopped crying automatically, got out, and slammed the car door. That doesn't even sound bad, but it was. It tore me to pieces and I don't know why. That hurt, and for no apparent reason. I haven't had the guts to talk to her again since that happened. "But you have Kyle right??" nottttt exactly. Even he's been erratic with me lately. More so now than in a while. Both of them have been cutting me off just when everything I've been meaning to say was about to come out. Kind of tired of it but hey what can I do. Gotta mix the good and the bad. Kyle has his reasons to be like that with me I guess but my mom doesn't. I always apologize to them for saying something about their actions, but why don't they apologize for their own actions towards me? Whenever I try talking to my mom her phone just magically starts ringing and whenever I try with Kyle..... I only have Kyle's attention for so long. Fifteen minutes of talking tops before he moves on. Thats why I haven't been telling them anything. Same goes for all of you. I've only been telling starzy and willow (and my secret friend no one knows about) things because I'm just so worried I'm gonna get blown over again. Everyone says theyll change, but they only mean for themselves. Its not necessarily a bad thing, but I wish treating me better was in that plan somewhere. I had a lot more to say but I already forgot most of it so whatever.