kinmeowfallen

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“UNO!” You raised your hand victoriously just as you put your second to last card down.

Harlequin rolled his eyes, splaying the twenty some-odd cards he held on the makeshift table, a mere barrel with an old lacy bit of cloth on it, in a huff. Nudging the menace while sporting an affectionate smile, you tried to tease him a little to lighten up the mood.

“Aw, sore loser?” You cooed.

The Pierrot on the other side of you was overjoyed at your impending victory.

“So talented! Amazing!” He clapped happily.

Chuckling, you began fanning yourself dramatically with the one card in hand like a movie star waving to their adoring public. Admittedly, you could not help but love the attention Pierrot was giving and began soaking it all up as quickly as a sponge.

“I try, I try~” you beamed.

Harlequin however, scoffed at your boasting, “Dearest, when you said you wanted to spend some ‘quality’ time with us, I assumed it’d be far more….entertaining….than this~”

Predictably, the red clown glared at his rival for souring things, who in turn smirked back at him after giving the middle finger. Sighing and sitting between the two, you couldn’t help but smile at the ridiculousness of their seemingly endless feud. Still, at least they weren’t stabbing one another again. Progress, right?

“We all know what you were expecting, Harlequin, but this isn’t over yet! Don’t give up!” You positively emphasized by waving your single card in his face.

Much to your surprise, both clowns seemed to surrender to their fated loss as their smiles slowly faded. Harlequin yawned again, this time obnoxiously stretching his arms behind his head and nearly hitting you with his elbow.

“What a waste of time and a good hiding spot,” he complained. “Sneaking you in without you-know-who noticing was no picnic, mind you.”

Pierrot glared at Harlequin before donning a usual kind smile in your direction.

“I-It’s alright,” the golden-eyed clown placated, “I would love to finish this round with you. Whatever you like, my dear!”

You frowned looking between the two. True, that you were just a single step away from victory, you couldn’t help but realize that the menace was actually….right about something. Sighing in frustration, you pondered on how to keep the party going while looking up at Pierrot’s tented ceiling. While rocking back and forth in your creaking metal seat, counting the stripes up top, inspiration finally struck like one of Pierrot’s knives lodged in a picture of Harlequin’s face. Quickly, the green and red figures turned to look at you, brows raised as a mischievous smile gradually crept to the corners of your cheeks.

“Harlequin’s right,” You admitted, “so, let’s make this game a little more interesting, fellas!”

Pierrot tilted his head cutely in that way that always made your heart grow warm, Harlequin however began to eye you (as he often did) warily; though this time it seemed you had actually peaked his attention somewhat.

Exhaling, you started to shuffled the cards, saying, “How about this: whoever wins this next round gets a kiss on the cheek, from me!”

Pierrot brought his hands to his now reddened face.

“A k-kiss?”

Harlequin predictably perked up. Leaning closer, said menace brought his chair next to your thigh as you doled out the remaining cards to each player.

“How could I refuse such a delicious prize, dear one? Now, THAT is motivation, wouldn’t you agree, mutt?”

The red clown glared at Harlequin over the predictable insult, something the menace seemingly took with even more pleasure in his glistening eyes. One green clawed hand raised over his sharpened mouth as Harlequin replied with a routinely theatrical flair.

“Oh? So you DON’T agree that our dearest’s lovely lips are a good enough prize? How shocking, Pierrot,” he gasped. “Well, if you don’t want it, I’d be more than happy to accept in your stead~”

Swatting Harlequin’s arm playfully, you scolded, “Hey, no fighting you two! Besides….those aren’t the only terms we’re adding to the game.”

The ever so sweet clown blinked at you as Harlequin gave a low whistle, leaning back in his seat now fully invested; an action that caused the rusted hinges in his metal folding chair to creak as he did so. Just as you finished handing out the cards and placing the rest of the deck in the middle of the table, you rubbed your hands gleefully like a villain plotting the hero’s demise. Both clowns blinked, wondering what conditions you would add to this already strange game. A game you’d already bested the two of them at for a few rounds now (partly no thanks to Pierrot’s inexperience plus Harlequin’s lack of interest).

Once more, fanning your cards in front of your face, eyes batting coquettishly as though you were a debutante looking across a ballroom for a beau—nearly everything was set.

“Now now,” you paraded flamboyantly, “while the victor gets a kiss on the cheek from me, the two losers instead, have to share an ACTUAL kiss themselves. Sound fair?”

Pierrot blinked two more times, “Um..?”

“Great! I’ll start since I basically won last round, ok guys?”

At first, the fast-given information presented seemed balanced; nothing out of the ordinary or unreasonable. That is of course, until the menace specifically started putting two and two together. The sudden realization of the consequences from following these newfound ‘terms’ made Harlequin squint at you before picking up his cards, keeping them out of sight from either side.

“First, let me get one thing straight, dearest…” the green one inquired.

You perked at that, “Hm?”

“If I were to win,” Harlequin winked at the now fuming Pierrot, “then you would kiss me…only me…on the cheek, correct? But if you were to win….”

A beat of silence passed and, if it were possible, seemingly echoed in the small tent.

The silent clown quickly straightened his back as Harlequin’s analogy began to sink in, masked lips trembling at the idea before he slowly turned his head to meet the equally stunned menace. In a flash, Harlequin quickly changed his expression from shock to smarmy, sealing the deal with a wink that made Pierrot grit his teeth in annoyance.

In a blur, Pierrot turned to face you, pleading, “B-but, dearest…if Harlequin were to win then that would mean you would kiss me, correct??”

The menace paled, his grin falling a noticeable fraction as you nodded eagerly.

“Yup! You got it Sweet P! And hey, cheer up,” you turned to Harlequin sympathetically, “you can’t tell me that this game is too ‘boring’ now, right?”

Harlequin squinted his eyes in a small glare, “Hm, you’re far shrewder than expected, dear one…how surprising.”

“Heh! You got it. Now, let’s play some UNO!”

“You’re doing it on purpose!”

Harlequin winked at Pierrot, “Of course I am, stupid dog, that’s part of the game~”

The menace stuck his tongue out chuckling while pointing at his skip card in hand. Eyes of gold turned into shiny bullets ready to rip apart his rival’s scaled flesh as, yet again, Harlequin tried to prevent Pierrot’s progression. However, the silent clown’s ire was soon ebbed by the feeling of your soft hand on his arm; practically sighing as you touched him, smiling sympathetically. Pierrot unconsciously leaned into you, happy to stare at his love instead of the depressingly large handful of cards he still had.

“I’m afraid he’s right, Pierrot,” you tilted your head towards the green goober. “Harlequin can make you skip this turn, but that’s ok—see?”

The red clown soon noticed your observation while following your gaze; grin widening at the dwindling amount of cards in The Harlequin’s hand.

“He’s…winning.”

Pierrot’s gaze soon became half-lidded, almost haughty in a way you’d never seen before as he realized this. After staring him for a while, you coughed; trying to remember to stick to the game itself as your cheeks began to heat up under Pierrot’s seductive leer.

“Uh…yeah, P-Pierrot….”

Harlequin’s brow twitched; a sickening feeling brewed inside him when seeing the two of you look so lovey dovey like that. Disgusting. Immediately, the menace tore his gaze away, looking down at his own cards in frustration.

Only having three cards in hand, Harlequin was quite close to victory. Under normal circumstances, a kiss from you was the true prize, but it’d only be a kiss on the cheek. Nothing compared to what the loser would get. Of course, Harlequin had planned something shrewd the moment you set your ‘terms’:

Should the menace win, then he’d just turn his head at the last minute as you tried to kiss his cheek to instead give you a real kiss. A sweet consequence he looked forward to, however, all would be for nought if that horrible Pierrot got the same treatment….willingly.

Harlequin knew he had to change his strategy.

“How about we skip YOUR turn this time, my dear?”

You blinked in surprise, “Uh…me?”

“Oh of course!” Harlequin gestured, one arm outstretched specifically between you and Pierrot as though to create a divider between the insufferably ‘cute couple’. “It’s true, I have been paying far too much attention to you, ignoring our precious guest. How rude of me!”

Pierrot narrowed his eyes at the menace’s glittery words. Smarm, charm, and a bit of sex appeal were often in The Harlequin’s pocket when it came to any competition, but unfortunately UNO was a game of chance. Fortune may favor the bold, but it was also a fickle mistress. No way Harlequin was letting Pierrot win ANY prize, not on the green goblin’s watch. Determined to make sure the red idiot would….well…wait…?

…What would happen if Pierrot lost again?

For a moment, Harlequin could feel a fluttering in his chest at the thought of what the two of them would have to do as per your own rules. Sure, there was also the option of losing WITH you. Having those sweet, soft human lips against his own. Both scenarios however made Harlequin’s brain hurt, fuming and smoking like a broken toaster he growled before clutching his own head in pain—which was worse? Which was better? Why did.…both options seem good? Ridiculous. Impossible!

“Everything ok?”

Your voice cracked through the crust of Harlequin’s sturdy mind.

“Fine,” the menace gritted his teeth, shaking his head, “just…thinking…”

You sighed, relieved he was ok, “Yeah well, there is ‘some’ strategy I guess, but sounds like you got a tough hand! Sorry about that!”

As Harlequin took his turn, he realized, happily that the dog had changed the color needed to be set. Eagerly, the menace practically dove at the pile, drawing card after card until he could find a playable one; relieved that he was no longer winning much to Pierrot’s obvious chagrin.

The game then went on and on, far longer than any of you expected. Every time you were close to victory, you noticed how the two clowns seemed in total panic; looking at each other with glares or reddened faces.

“Aw, come on guys, not eager to swap spit?”

The silent clown sputtered at your joke, hiding his expression behind his cards. Idly, Pierrot would glance across at the green figure who often winked at him whenever you weren’t looking. Gritting his teeth, Pierrot was equally annoyed as he was confused by the menace’s flirtations.

In mock sadness you broke Pierrot’s concentration, “Aww…nobody wants to kiss me? I’m so hurt.”

“I DO!” Both clowns screeched.

“Well, better step-up your game, boys,” you began fanning your cards once more haughtily, “cause I’m about to win the whole damn pot and kiss myself at this rate!”

Pierrot’s face grew redder, if that were even possible, as he started to wonder if losing would be all that bad. Of course, more than ANYTHING in the world, he wanted to kiss you, his love, his dear, his everything— but the way Harlequin was looking at him now, those lidded emeralds peeking through darkened slits, made Pierrot wonder how bad losing would actually be. Wait…What? Immediately, the red figure shook his head and placed a single card down, ending his turn. Still, that new…and strange feeling continued to well up in him as a confusing mantra began beating on the walls of his skull:

Kiss you, kiss Harlequin, kiss his dearest, kiss ‘him’—

—What? Why?

Pierrot felt his spine shudder in way that made him burn, more so when glancing over at you who, in a form of rare blessing (or cruelty), blew him a kiss with a playful wink. Then, to Harlequin, who stuck his green tongue out seductively. It was madness, pure madness. Shivering, the silent clown was left on autopilot for the rest of the game. Harlequin however, noticed you had the same amount of cards he had. His claws twitching around a red number four, eagerly waiting for you, who just played yet another wild card, to pick a new color.

“Getting cold feet, dearest?” The menace taunted.

“Sure, about as much as you did when you couldn’t give me that candied apple, babe~”

Laughing while slapping a knee, Harlequin retorted hotly, “Always so spicy! Such a shame you might win, perhaps better luck next time on that kiss, I know you’re so disappointed~”

You stuck your tongue out, “Next round I’ll make it so you can kiss my ass instead!”

Pierrot jolted as Harlequin covered his mouth, sputtering a half-muffled laugh which would have been far louder had he not stopped himself in time. Looking around to make sure no one heard, the three continued playing as you finally picked a new color.

“Kinky~” Harlequin complimented.

Then, you blew him a kiss, much to his surprise. One he’d only seen you do for that Pierrot; a gesture that surprised as much as it pleased Harlequin, knowing you shared such affections for him too.

“Not that you’ll ever know~” you winked.

Harlequin’s body overheated at your words. Strangely, he seemed to react amorously no matter who was winning or losing; a confusing hodgepodge of emotions that Harlequin didn’t dare think too hard on. The menace returned your wink before playing a card. After, the Pierrot went, and then him, you; the game continuing until….

…the unthinkable happened.

“No,” Harlequin sucked in his breath.

You blinked, mouth open wide, echoing Harlequin’s perturbed statement; the room felt as cold as ice suddenly.

“…No,” the menace repeated, firmly.

Pierrot as well looked down at the single card in hand right after shouting the titular ‘uno’—just as you did….and as Harlequin had. All…at the same time after placing you second to last cards down.

“So,” you clicked your tongue, “does this mean we tie?”

With that, the menace flipped the makeshift table over, causing the cards to fly in the air like rectangular snowflakes. Harlequin’s breathing grew ragged with the rage of a hungry beast as he quickly looked between you two in anger? Frustration? You couldn’t tell, though in a way you completely understood where he was coming from…

“Well, that sucks,” you shrugged.

Pierrot looked down at his hands as though he were about to cry, “…No kiss?”

Leaning over, you rubbed his back sympathetically.

“Not this time, big guy, but hey there’s always another day—!”

“DON’T!” Harlequin seethed. “There will be a round two! A three and four if necessary! I will not let things end this way, you—!”

Before the malevolent menace could finish his rant, a smooth voice interrupted; someone who possessed an edge to their sentences, as sharp as steel and as cold as permafrost.

“Pierrot, what’s going on in there?” The voice asked outside the tent, their silhouette making it clear who it was.

All three of you tensed up, finally realizing how much time had passed since beginning this little venture; one that you especially weren’t supposed to be part of.

“Oh shit,” you all muttered simultaneously.

“Jester!” Pierrot shouted in a hushed whisper before grabbing both you and Harlequin, trying to find a loose piece of tent in the back where you all could scramble to freedom.

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A/N: Special Thanks again to @disastergingerr for commissioning me!