What should a single fatass do on Valentine's day?

Eat. Drink. And get bloated as fuck waiting his stomach to be rubbed by someone of course

*I enter the room, shirt and pants unbuttoned, belly hanging out, floor straining every step I take*

‘Uhhh hey! Wow and I thought you might be a little nervous but clearly not...have you been eating..tacos? You had 12??? Oh my goodness, ok now I’m flustered please sit down’

*I sit down, the room shakes a bit, I can no longer hold it in so I begin to belch. Everyone is staring in disgust*

‘Oh my god now I’m the one embarassed. I’m the one out on a date with a pig at a fancy restaraunt. Please button up your shirt, your gut is gigantic’

Seriously you can hear the creaking and feel the vibration from the other side of the entire house when I take a single step.

(Tumblr won’t let me upload just the audio from my phone so have a fun morph of me by @3transformmorphing)