kings&queens

wowowow what the heck tonight was amazing you were amazing i hugged you despite you not wanting me to tpuch your sweat but i didnt care i love you and you said you love me tonight and you dont want to forget and i definitely dont either but tonight tonight my heart is on fire and youre the only one who cant put it out you are the source of my light o love you i love you i love you

walking home is always lonely. no matter how mad you are or how happy you are, it is always lonely. there's a strange eeriness as i enter my subdivision, flickering street lights and plants everywhere. there are no evening walks for the people here. there is a sound of crickets and evening exhaustion. on nights like this where i have a heavy load on my back, and i worry too much of what is to come tomorrow, i hesitate to go home. it means time will pass faster. when i walk alone there are two shadows trailing behind me— my own, and the spitting image of my sister. every time i am with her i want to run away. people call me by her name but i nod and smile and wave and greet. i am not her. for once i want to be myself. i think of running away but i do not trust my rusting bones. i'm trying to learn how to forgive. trying to learn how to forgive my bones for forgetting how to be strong. i'm sorry, i don't know what strong means either

all i can think about is my body computing how much fat i gained every single day. i have this strange obsession with my thighs and my not-so jutting clavicles. there might never come a day when my toes and my fingertips are not calloused but here's the bottomline i don't think i'll ever be deemed beautiful by anybody

I don't let myself feel sad. Sometimes I do, but it's only because the world hates me sometimes. I have to suffer from the hell of feeling too much.

Wait, they don't love you like I love you.

People are leaving and I'm scared.

It is raining cats and dogs this afternoon and I just realised how much I missed the sound of raindrops. I missed the raindrops but not the speed of them and today they’re plummeting. It rained as if the God was angry. I was sheltered but I pictured what it looked outside– ants scurrying from their destroyed homes, people running, looking for shelter. There is a couple sharing an umbrella. Kids who don’t know run in the rain with smiles. Did you know, that when I told you I liked you, it rained an hour later? I knew it wasn’t going to be a good day. I should’ve listened to myself. Did you know? You are rain. You are the bad kind of rain; the one that steals hearts of writers, ruin houses and kills innocent people. You are the storm God warned Noah about.