DELTARUNE (OKAY I’M DONE NOW)

Kris…

Despite everyone's assurances, Toriel knew in her heart something was wrong with her dear Kris.

Of course, they'd been visibly depressed ever since Asriel left– even more so when the internet blackout started. Of course it was natural, especially for someone like Kris, but that never made her feel any better. She wanted to do more– be more to help her youngest, but ever since Dess… she felt so powerless to help them.

Carol, bless her heart, always tried to tell her to keep her chin up, and that Kris would be in top shape when Asriel came back in town, but Toriel had her doubts. Whatever was troubling them, it– it only seemed to worsen over the last couple of days.

First, it was after they were out studying at the library with Susie, the day poor Berdly got sick. Kris never spoke much about him, but apparently they must have been close, judging by their reaction to the news.

After that, it was after church, when they'd gone to Noelle's. Carol was furious with Susie, while Kris had spent their time kicking the poor trashcan, allegedly. She didn't get to talk to them before Sans came over and helped her unwind.

Now she wished more than ever she hadn't let herself get carried away. While Carol was a good woman, and she did trust Kris to be smart and safe, she felt she should have at least thought to call or do something to check in– but Sans had been determined to see her forehead un-crinkle.

And then this morning… Kris looked ghastly in bed. As much as Toriel wanted to waste the day away, nursing her hangover, something about Kris… it wasn't right. It was the festival, for goodness’ sake– and while Asriel wasn't here, Susie had proven herself to be a wonderful friend, so… so it didn't make sense. What could have caused such a regression?

Her books on teen health told her it was just a relapse, to provide support and continue helping as normal, but it didn't feel normal. This felt– something in her very soul was telling her something was wrong with her baby, but unlike before, she didn't have the internet to ask. Carol and Rudy couldn't help much either, both busy with the festival. Asgore, too, for that matter (not that she particularly enjoyed reaching out to him in the first place).

She was happy they eventually got up, even if the toast went uneaten. It was good for them to get some sun and spend time with Susie (whom she knew was outside, but was admittedly too embarrassed to greet).

Toriel tried her best to not pace the empty house anxiously while they were gone. This was a small town, and the parade would be running by soon, and then Kris would be home, it was fine, it was all fine. Toriel was just an old goat, a worry-wart. Teenagers slept in, it was just a depressive episode, Susie would surely help them, she's such a nice girl. Plus, Carol said Kris and Noelle were reconnecting, so they could hang out again too, like when they were young.

Like when they were young…

Toriel shook her head. Kris– Kris wasn't like December, they didn't have the same habits, they… it was fine. Kris was fine and hanging out with friends, even if the sun was starting to set. They were fine. Everything was… it didn't feel fine, but it was. It was. Toriel was worked up over nothing. It was nothing.

…But then the sun set. And three hours passed.

Toriel called Kris, and they weren't answering.

“They are just having fun,” she whispered to herself. “They're just caught up with their friends.”

She called again, just in case Kris hadn't noticed, and to signal the urgency– only to again be ignored.

Her heart was pounding in her chest at this point, but before she could call, she received one of her own. She let out a heavy sigh of relief before picking up.

“Thank heavens, Kris, you had me worried sick–”

“ah, uh– sorry, just me, tori.” It was Sans on the other end.

Toriel’s heart sank before she straightened up anxiously. “O-oh, I'm sorry– I'm not disappointed it's you, it's just–”

“been a minute since the kid’s been home?” he guessed.

Toriel nodded. “I know, I know, I'm paranoid, but… but did you see them at all this evening?”

“sure did. they were with that purple girl, and she got them both some ice cream. wasn't ready though, so I just gave them some bread in the meantime.”

Toriel blinked. “... Bread?”

“for ice cream sandwiches.”

Despite everything, a snort managed to escape her. “I'm sure they loved that.”

“that susie seemed to like it, which seemed fine by them.”

Toriel relaxed a little. “Susie… you do not suppose she's with them now, do you?”

“probably.”

Toriel bit her cheek. “Probably” was not the answer she was hoping for.

“...should i come over? to keep you company?” Sans offered.

“No, no, that's not– I think last night really upset Kris, and I– well, I doubt they'd be excited to see you here again.” Toriel shook her head.

“yeah, probably not. but to be fair, this skeleton isn't meant for every-body.” She could hear his stupid grin.

She chuckled. “As much as I appreciate the gesture– which I do– I–”

“it's cool, seriously. but know you can just say the word and i can be right there, ok?”

Toriel traced the phone chord softly. “Thank you, Sans, I–” she was interrupted when the phone started beeping, indicating another call. “Sorry, someone's trying to call– I promise I'll let you know if I need anything, alright?”

“no worries, we’ll talk later.”

“For sure. And– thank you, I– I needed a joke or two,” she said as the phone beeped again.

“anytime.”

“Goodbye.” She smiled, before finally picking up the other call. “Dreemurr residence, this is–”

“Toriel, it's me,” Carol interrupted. “I– look, I'll cut to the chase: Rudy collapsed while decorating, and Noelle isn't picking up her phone–”

“Oh my goodness! Is everything alright?” Toriel immediately asked.

Carol paused briefly. “It's… being evaluated, but look, I know Noelle is probably with Kris, so I was wondering–”

“Kris is not answering my calls either,” Toriel stopped her again. “I– I have not heard from them since they left to see the remains of the festival, just before sunset.”

Carol paused for longer this time. “I… I'll let you know if I hear from them–”

“Wait, Carol, wait,” Toriel urged. “If both Noelle and Kris are not answering, shouldn’t we tell someone?”

“No, it's– You know, the two of them have been reconnecting, it's been really good for Noelle. I'm sure they just have gotten a little carried away,” Carol reasoned.

Toriel bit her cheek. “I do not know, Kris was not doing well this morning–”

“I caught a glimpse of them at the parade, they’re doing just fine, Toriel, relax,” Carol encouraged, before pausing. “If they remain out past 12:30, I'll call officer Napstablook. Either way, you won't have to do a thing.”

“Oh, good,” Toriel said, eyeing the clock at 9:43. “I… you'll keep me updated though, won't you?”

“You should get some rest, Toriel. You've been so stressed lately,” Carol changed the subject, as if she wouldn't catch it.

“Just promise me, won't you?” She urged. “I– I just have this familiar feeling–”

“Don't.” Carol warned. “It– it isn't–... I'll handle it.”

Toriel winced. “You're right, I'm– I'm sorry, Carol, I should not–… just let Asgore know too, yes? Tell him to keep an eye on the beach especially. I know Asriel and Dess used to love going there in the late hours.”

“I'll handle it,” Carol agreed.

Toriel nodded. “Thank you, Carol. Send Rudy my love.”

Carol paused, the silence in the call hanging for a long time– to the point where Toriel was just about to ask if she heard her– before Carol said, “I'll handle it,” and hung up.

Toriel hung the receiver with a heavy sigh. Carol was right, she was exhausted. It almost wasn't fair; Carol was the one organizing the festival, counting the competition votes, and with Rudy all injured… it really ought to be Toriel who should be handling this. But, if there was one thing Toriel knew about Carol, it was that she needed to be in control. Toriel could just change into her pajamas and sit and wait in the living room, like she always did.

Or make Rudy and her a pie– and make Kris one too, for when they were back. It'd be like a message– a simple “I love you, and hope you feel better,” to all of them.

It was certainly better than just sitting and reading about snails again, that was for sure.

So, Toriel got changed, and went to work.

Sans was ever-so kind to bring over some sugar from the store when he stopped by, so Toriel had no struggle at all to gather all of the ingredients necessary.

“Alright, easy now– easy as pie,” Toriel joked to try and relax herself. It was less than effective, but still, Toriel was able to lose herself to the well practiced dance of baking a pie.

She didn't need to look up a single thing as she worked, preheating the oven to 350°, mixing just the right amounts of sugar, flower, vanilla bean, salt, and butter until the crust was a perfectly coarse meal– all without breaking a sweat. Pie baking was as easy as breathing to her, a love language passed down from generation to generation in her family. She had taught Asriel and Kris, as well as December and Noelle how to bake– and would have taught Susie too, if not for–

“Shit,” Toriel cursed, cutting herself with the knife meant to remove excess crust. She immediately sucked on her finger, before inspecting the pie for blood (of which there thankfully was none).

Toriel shook her head with a sigh. She then went to the bathroom to patch herself up, purposefully ignoring her reflection in the mirror. If she wanted a reminder of how old and slow she was getting, she’d just substitute for Alphys again.

Under the sink was where she kept the bandages, though it had been quite some time she'd gotten more. The last pack she got seemed to be Super Smashing Fighters themed, and the only one left was that purple lizard Kris liked– or was it more of a fusca? It was always so hard to tell. Either way, the bandage went on with ease, and… heavens, why was her throat tightening? She was fine, Kris was…

December…

No, no. This wasn’t like that. Kris knew better than to… They had been there, after all, even if they couldn’t remember…

Toriel needed to get back to baking.

And back to it she got, finishing cutting off the leftover crusts before and placing it in the fridge to chill.

Making the filling was a much smoother process, Toriel being completely able to turn her mind off. She was a well-oiled machine like this, just baking in harmony with the soft autumn night. Hours flew by as she worked on the fillings, whisking everything to just the right consistency and never even coming close to burning any of the mixtures. This was what she was made for.

Once the filling was done, and most of the set up had been cleaned, Toriel was able to move back to the crusts, washing over both of them with egg. Pricking the dough with a fork was easy, as was the rest of the crust preparation, and before she knew it, she was combining the two stages and placing them in the oven.

After putting everything away, Toriel was left with… nothing. There was nothing left to do, except wait. It still wasn't midnight, and so there was nothing she could do. There was nothing she could do.

Toriel shuddered, a sudden chill crawling through her– though, an itch would also be a proper description. Without even thinking, her eyes wandered to where she stored the wine.

Just one glass to calm her nerves would not hurt, right? After all, Sans wasn't here and she wasn't in a “party mood”, so… it'd be fine. She just needed a breather.

She poured herself a glass before sitting in her chair, slowly sipping as the minutes went by. It caused a burning in her throat, despite the semi-high quality (thanks to Sans bringing it over). She willed for it to relax her, to help her sink deeper and deeper into her favorite chair.

She thought about getting up, of calling Kris again in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, they’d pick up. Another part of her told her it was already too late and to finish her glass while she still could.

She drank it halfway gone.

From there, she rested her eyes, waiting and waiting and waiting. She tried to take deep breaths of cinnamon-butterscotch air, urging it to relax her. However, it just wasn’t working– the scent caused an ache in her heart, and the silence of the house was deafening.

“Oh, Kris, where are you?” she whispered to herself, fighting back tears. She finished her glass, the burn in her throat nice and sharp. Her mind still wasn't numb, but she stayed sunk in her chair.

She had not realized how long she had closed her eyes when the phone rang and she sprang to life once more to answer.

“H-hello, hello? Kris, is that you?” she asked as she tugged on the phone cord, twirling it around her finger rapidly.

“...No, Toriel, it’s me,” Carol sighed.

Toriel’s breath caught in her throat. “Y-you– you have not heard anything from them?”

“No,” Carol confirmed. “I– I thought they’d be at Asgore’s but–”

“Asgore’s?” A spark ignited in her chest. “Why on earth would they be at Asgore’s?”

“Just– I don’t know, festival things,” Carol guessed with exasperation. “Noelle mentioned wanting flowers. It’s just– He hasn’t seen them.”

“O-oh.” Toriel’s eyes wandered back to the wine bottle. She refilled her glass.

“I’ve already got a search party going, but– but Rudy– I–” Carol cut herself off.

“Is– is he ?” Toriel’s heart dropped.

Carol paused. “He– he just– it's a minor operation–”

Toriel's eyes widened. “Oh, Carol–”

“–I’m handling it. Just… I'm handling it. Don't worry about anything, I’ve got it all covered. Just try to get some rest.”

Toriel fought back tears. “Carol, please– what about you?”

“...I'm fine, Toriel, don't be silly,” her friend laughed, with a slight bitterness. “Just stay home and keep an eye out, will you?”

“I– I can,” Toriel hesitated, taking another sip of wine. “...I baked you and Rudy a pie, you know… It is still cooling down, but I can bring it by when it is done.”

Carol went quiet for a moment, the faintest sniffle managing to break through. “Thank you, Toriel. Just get some rest. I'm sure– We’ll– Just let me take care of it.”

Toriel closed her eyes. “I trust you, Carol. Just… do call if you hear anything… anything at all.”

“I'll take care of it, Toriel, you just– just be careful.”

Toriel looked down at her glass. “I think I should be saying that to you, do you not think?”

Carol paused again. “I won't let it happen again. I won't.”

Toriel sucked in a breath, the sudden words causing a tear to slip. “Carol–”

“I won't lose them, Toriel, I won't, I promise–”

“Carol, Carol– please, d-do not–” Toriel tried to comfort, before there was a sudden knock at the door. Toriel quickly dropped the receiver and ran to the door. “Kris? Oh, Kris, I–” she opened the door, to find Sans standing out in the rain.

“we, uh… gotta stop meeting like this, huh?” the skeleton joked, while Toriel sank back.

“I-I– you– you’re supposed to be…” She brought a hand to her forehead, trying to fight the sensation of her heart breaking in two.

“...still haven’t found ‘em?” he asked, stepping inside and closing the door.

Toriel shook her head, walking back to her glass and finishing it all in one drink.

“woah there, i’m sure there’s still something we can do.” Sans winced, taking the empty glass from her and setting it down.

Toriel shook her head, going and picking up the receiver once more, only to find Carol had hung up. “She is ‘handling it’...”

Sans tilted his head. “who, the mayor?”

Toriel nodded.

“well… sounds like we got nothing to worry about, right–?”

“Stop,” Toriel snapped. “Stop– telling me not to worry– not worrying is how we got here! You should have seen them this morning– they refused to get out of bed until five, and they have not even eaten all day, and they could be lost, o-or hurt, o-or worse!” Toriel collapsed into her chair, holding her head in her hands.

“oh, tori.” Sans placed a hand on her shoulder.

“I-I don’t know what to do Sans– it– this just cannot happen– not again.” She shook her head.

Sans looked away, his hand continuing to stroke her softly, until she couldn’t take it anymore and stood, grabbing the bottle of wine and drinking straight from it.

“t-tori!” Sans shouted in surprise. “y-you– you probably shouldn’t–”

“Shouldn’t what?” Toriel clutched it tight. ”Shouldn’t prepare for the inevitable?”

Sans, to his credit, was able to snatch the bottle from her. “you don't know that yet, they could still turn back.”

Toriel looked out the kitchen window. “...you said you saw them today, right?”

Sans nodded, putting the bottle in his wet coat. “gave ‘em bread, though they looked like they’d rather’ve killed me, honestly,” he laughed a little.

Toriel eyed her coat, discarded on the couch. “Did you see where they went..?”

Sans shrugged. “they left because that noelle wanted to talk. Alone, apparently, because susie came to wait with the ice cream. didn't see ‘em after that.”

“That means… that means the lake, they're by the lake,” Toriel thought out loud, her mind starting to buzz and buzz hard.

“i guess, though i do not know if–”

Before Sans could catch her, she moved, putting it on and practically teleporting to the front door. “I'm going to find them. I'll be back–”

“woah, woah, woah.” Sans managed to somehow get in front of her when she turned her head.

“You are not going to stop me,” Toriel warned.

“never said i was.” Sans raised his hands. “just wanna come with you– make sure you don't get lost yourself.”

Toriel paused, a warm feeling managing to fight some of the bitter cold, before she shrugged it away. “Let us get going then.”

“just think of me as your body-guard,” he joked. Toriel gave a weak laugh, but trudged onward into the rain.

It was colder than she was expecting, making her thankful she had thought to grab her coat. She hoped Kris was okay; they were always refusing to wear anything over their sweater. And if they were by the lake, the chill would be extra hard, and– a-and–

“you know, i don't think i’ll ever get used to this stuff.” Sans stuck his hand out, water dropping visibly.

Toriel sniffled. “What, the rain?”

He nodded. “never rained where i lived. always snow.”

“...Kris always liked the rain.” Toriel crossed her arms. “They said– they said it reminded them of the opening scene in that scary ghost movie that December–” her voice got caught in her throat.

“...some kid, huh?” Sans tried to stay light hearted.

Toriel nodded, desperately trying to swallow the pain down her throat. “Y-yes… yes, she– you know, it is funny talking to you, sometimes. You are the only person in this whole town who– who does not know everything about me, about them, about… everything…”

Sans snorted. “i’d make a joke about studying and ‘falling behind’ but i think even just walking does that.”

“Oh–!” Toriel just noticed– with their height difference, the skeleton was already steps behind. “I– apologies, I–”

“don't sweat it. we’re on a mission anyhow,” Sans reminded, picking up his own pace.

Toriel looked at the ground. “R-right, right, I– goodness, I forgot to grab flashlights, didn't I? How on earth–”

“i got you.” Sans pulled two from his coat pocket.

Toriel sighed with relief as they turned the corner towards the Cattenheimer’s. “Thank you, Sans. I'll never understand how you always seem so prepared for these things.”

Sans shrugged. “lotta experience, i guess.”

Toriel smiled weakly, before turning on the flashlight and continuing her search.

“...i know i, uh, joked earlier about the kid wanting to kill me,” Sans spoke up after a bit. “but they seemed like they were having fun with their friend.”

Toriel nodded, the knot in her throat burning intensely. “Good, good. Susie, she is– she is a good girl.”

Sans nodded. “funny too.”

Toriel again nodded. “Very funny… I just– gosh, I have not spoken to her all day, I– I wanted to apologize. The poor girl, she seemed so… something was wrong with her last night, too, but I was so– we were so–” Tears started to escape, tears Toriel rapidly tried to wipe away.

“hey, that's not your fault. their phone wasn't working and you thought they were with the mayor,” Sans recalled.

Toriel shook her head. “I– I should have known, o-or questioned, or something– Kris has been so much– so much worse lately and– and if anything happened to them–”

Sans interrupted by holding her hand. “you don't know that yet. there's still time.”

Toriel nodded shakily, but didn't dare speak.

Sans was good to her– almost too good. He didn't know a thing about the town, or what really happened between her and Asgore. If he knew, he surely wouldn't be holding her hand, helping her through all of this. He wasn't a father, so he couldn't see just how badly she had been failing her child, and now her friend too. She was pathetic. She was a pathetic, pathetic old woman who was walking through the rain and itching for that bottle of wine in Sans’ pocket again.

When Asgore’s shop came into view, she couldn't help but stop. It looked… darker than normal, the windows looking black against the rainy night. It… worried her, like it was an omen.

“woah there, you alright?” Sans stopped too.

Toriel gripped the flashlight tighter. “Asgore, he– no one believes me, but he is– it's been bad.” Her eyes started to fill with tears. “H-he just will not– I know, I know it is a small town, I do, but– but sometimes it is like he follows me, and with those crazy ideas he has– what if he– what if he hurt them?” Toriel placed a trembling hand on the door.

“hey.” Sans placed his hand on hers. “let’s just check the lake first, alright?

Toriel's hand remained. “...S…sometimes… sometimes I feel like– like he– he and Carol are both… conspiring against me, somehow,” she whispered, before shaking her head. “I know, I know, it is perfectly paranoid. She is a family friend, she wants to help– a-and he has never hurt me, or most anyone like that before, b-but…”

“sounds tough,” Sans sympathized.

Toriel closed her eyes. “They just want things to be normal, while I just– I just want everyone safe and happy– is that so wrong?”

Sans shook his head. “it’s tough.”

“That is certainly one way to put it.” Toriel snorted a little, but her chest still ached. “Let’s… let’s move on. We can come back.”

Sans nodded. “smart.”

Toriel rolled her eyes playfully as they started moving again. “You’re just saying that because it was your advice.”

Sans snickered. “what? you saying i gotta be a numb-skull?”

Toriel laughed. “No, no, I’m sure you know about a skele-ton.”

“glad you agree, otherwise I’d have a bone to pick with ya.” He grinned.

“Mm, I doubt it,” Toriel chuckled. “After all, it’s not like much can get under your skin.”

“ooh, good one,” Sans conceded. “you got a real knack for this, anyone ever tell you that?”

Toriel hummed. “Not in a while, no… it usually flares up whenever I'm stressed or nervous.”

“hey, if it works,” Sans tried his best to be supportive. Toriel appreciated it, but it didn't make the pit in her stomach lessen the more they carried on.

Stepping past the park benches made her woozy– though she nearly jumped out of her skin when she stepped on something with a loud crunch– only to somewhat relax when it was something sweet and sticky.

“Someone must have dropped their ice cream,” Toriel took a breath, trying to wipe off what she could from her foot. Sans didn't seem to have anything to say, shining his flashlight further ahead.

There was little sign of life outside of the remnants of ice cream though, the rocks not exactly known for showing footprints or struggle. If someone had been swimming, there wasn't a single thing left behind.

“That's… a good thing, right?” Toriel looked at Sans. “Nothing being here– that has to be good, right?”

“could be,” Sans tried to agree, but she could feel the waver in his tone.

Still, she forced a nod, before noticing something– a trail of breadcrumbs leading into the lake.

She stopped cold in her tracks, her heart pounding in her ears. Thousands of thoughts raced through her mind as to what it meant, and where Kris was, and why it was even there, before she suddenly just shouted–

“Kris!” She stumbled forward, her bare feet wading into the water. “Kris! Kris, I– are you there?!”

The lake water echoed her cries, her steps creating large ripples that disturbed the regular pattern of rain against the pool.

Toriel instinctively went deeper, soaking her nightgown. “Kris, it's okay, I– I'm not upset! I just want you home. Can you come home for me, sweetheart? Please?” she begged.

Sans removed his slippers and stepped in the water, trying to grab her arm. “tori, i–”

“Kris! Kris, honey, I'm here!” She went deeper. “I– I know it's been hard, but– but it's been nice knowing that– that despite everything, I still have you!”

Tears escaped Toriel's tight grip, tears she tried desperately to stop but it was simply no use.

“I love you, Kris! I-I always have, a-and– and I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry I messed up– I'm sorry I messed everything up–”

“tori–”

“–But I'll make it right! I-I’ll– I’ll be perfect for you, honey, just– just come home,” she sobbed, collapsing onto her knees, the water up to her waist.

“M-my baby,” she wept. “My sweet baby– I'm so sorry, I'm so, so, so sorry– I-I could not help you– I could not save you, I'm sorry.” She held her aching sides as she shook uncontrollably.

Sans finally got next to her, and while the water frankly should’ve been up to his neck, he was still able to gently place his hands on her. “c’mon, lets get you back…”

Toriel shook her head, sobbing louder. “My child, my poor, sweet, little Kris, a-and– and Noelle, and even Rudy– all of them! They're all going to–” Toriel shuddered. “They– they're never– and all I have are two stupid pies no one will ever eat!” she cried.

Sans looked away, somehow still managing to guide her back to shore, where she again collapsed onto the rocks. Sans sat right next to her, seeming unable to argue. Eventually, he quietly reached into his jacket and pulled out the bottle of wine.

Toriel eyed it with a sniffle, but gave him permission to take the first drink. It was nearly impossible to stop her cries long enough to drink, but once the wine touched her lips, she started to guzzle as much as she could. Her tears were what eventually forced her to stop, hunching her over in disgust and overwhelmed by her pain.

Sans took the bottle back silently, his thumb picking at the label. His eyes were low and dim, before he placed a gentle hand on her back.

The rain soon stopped and the lake became completely still, reflecting the stars and the moonlight. Toriel stared at it, urging– pleading– for the lake to be disturbed, for Kris and Noelle to pop out and– and laugh, admitting it was all a dumb joke. Toriel would be furious, but she’d take her baby and hug them tight and they could go home, a-and–

But that couldn’t happen. Sans could deny all he wanted, but she had been through this before.

They would search for days, weeks, months for them– there would be traces at first, but they would get older and older quick, soon losing all meaning. From there, conspiracies would arise, crackpot ideas, or theories on Toriel’s neglect. She would barely be able to show her face in public for days, weeks– maybe even never. Asriel–

Asriel.

Asriel would be home in two days– Toriel couldn’t– she couldn’t–

Toriel cried. She cried, and cried, and cried until there was nothing left but the dark abyss in front of her, twinkling stars and a shining moon cold comfort for the emptiness inside. The cold was cutting deep into her bones at this point, her damp nightgown clinging to her fur like her own desperation. But still, Toriel could do nothing but sit and stare at the stars. The serenity was borderline offensive, but still she could do nothing.

Toriel could do nothing.