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@king-itchy

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why iphones gotta take two million years to turn back on after they die like you plug em in and you’re all ready to start texting again but they’re like “nope. i gotta take some time for myself. figure out who i am. you hurt me too much the last time. let me think.”
I feel so called out
(Wanted to answer these for Andreil, but knew no one would send them to my inbox.  Here’s the original post.)
who hogs the duvet - we all know it’s Andrew
who texts/rings to check how their day is going - post-canon, both.  especially on bad days and when they’re doing long distance
who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts - surprisingly (or not so surprisingly) Andrew. Â
who gets up first in the morning - N E I L
who suggests new things in bed - They T R A D E off
who cries at movies - Neither unless it’s an OOC AU...
who gives unprompted massages - Andrew, he knows Neil’s not always “FiNe”
who fusses over the other when they’re sick - B O T H but it’s totally low-key
who gets jealous easiest - They get jealous about stupid things.  Like when Andrew misses out on a chance to piss off Kevin.  Or when Andrew gets praise from Kevin and Neil’s literally like “yeah he deserves it but... WHAT ABOUT ME?  Aren’t I a good boy too??”
who has the most embarrassing taste in music - ANDREW, poor boy is truly my aesthetic gay son
who collects something unusual - Neil’s not possessive to objects (except keys) so I hc that Andrew has a collection of something akin to Bee’s figurines that she gets him like he gets her.  They’re adorable.  No one touch me.
who takes the longest to get ready - Isn’t this canon Andrew?  But sometimes it’s both because they get a little NSFT (not suitable for Tumblr)
who is the most tidy and organised - Andrew, he’s secretly a very anal person about his stuff and Neil’s messiness definitely is a reason he wants to throw the boy off the roof
who gets most excited about the holidays - neither, they’re both associated with bad memories, instead Neil gets excited about fake (not national, no one get in their feelings plz) holidays (first day of exy season, playoffs, anniversaries of Leslie Knope-levels like first “not-date”)
who is the big spoon/little spoon - again. THEY SWITCH but mostly big spoon Andrew because I love a tiny big spoon
who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports - Okay so obviously the answer is Neil, but I hc that if they play cards or something else NOT exy, Andrew gets SOOOO into it and is scary good at it
who starts the most arguments - Andrew, he’s such an instigator but it’s just because he likes to hear Neil get wound up
who suggests that they buy a pet - I like to go off Fanon and say ANDREW, the boy would never admit it but he gets super lonely during Neil’s fifth year and total breaks down and gets the first cat
what couple traditions they have - Smoking obviously, but also “not”-celebrating those crazy little holidays like the first trip to Columbia that was just the two of them or the first time that Andrew got Neil off (these are usually celebrated with doing something else new...)
what tv shows they watch together - Andrew’s guilty pleasure is total getting wound up about those style shows like Say Yes to the Dress or Project Runway
“No, Tasha, she did not ask your opinion and she only invited you because her mother insisted.  Sit your ass back down.”
Neil’s would be ESPN post-game shows
Together they like to flip back and forth between the two and sometimes Neil’ll get into Andrew’s pick and vice versa
what other couple they hang out with - Allison and Renee definitely
how they spend time together as a couple - Neil never gets into video games (idk, I think he’s like me and never gets into them) instead they get into binge watching new shows together.  They start with something a little older like LOST and sometimes they like to debate them like the whole zombie apocalypse thing
who made the first move - Canon, Andrew and forever Andrew.Â
who brings flowers home - Neither, but if I’m being indulgent I’ll say Andrew and it was a total accident--renee gave them to him and he didn’t pass a garbage can on the way home
who is the best cook - Andrew likes to do complex things in the kitchen but Neil can hold his own especially with boxed meals

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someone just asked me where i’d timetravel to and somehow my first thought was “to the middle ages, i’d be seen as intimidating as hell because i’m over six foot and i’m seen as rich because i’m pale and chubby. however, rather than try to make a life for myself with this perceived status, i use it to criticize the church and tell people weird facts about the future that they will discard as the mutterings of a madwoman. because of this, and because i will wear pants and know how to read and am also a woman, i will be tried for witchcraft by the townspeople. i die after giving a prophecy of doom accompanied by manic laughter, which will come true because i will have chosen to go to a european town in 1346, just before the plague hit said town, and as all townspeople get ill and die their diseased whispers will be of me, the witch who has unleashed the black death upon them and caused a third of the european people to die” so that’s where i’m at in life
when i grow up i want to be a library goblin. i get paid to wander the shelves and be discovered curled up and reading in unlikely places, perhaps hissing if i am interrupted in the middle of a good part. why would a library pay for this service you ask? because it will add to the ambiance next question
wow i can’t believe they named a whole planet after freddie mercury

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October 1st
i have never once in my life met someone who said they hated spider-man and tbh……i don’t want to
like how would u even respond to someone saying that they hate spider-man i would probably accuse them of being green goblin on the spot
Happy October, ladies!

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There’s an unspoken rule where if two strangers ask how the other is doing simultaneously, neither person answers.
tony, calling at 3am: but can you stick to a non-stick pan
peter: mr stark 🅱️lease let me rest
peter: *sprinting to the kitchen as soon as he hangs up*
It’s CANON.