this post is suddenly getting notes like a week after i posted it and im seeing some tags expressing surprise that this post wasnt actually a sad post
i just wanna say that you dont always have to think about things connected to a Big Sad Thing as inherently sad!! you can have good memories connected to a sad moment!!! we all process things differently!! if you ask me about anything in my life that was vaguely traumatic i WILL tell you a funny story having to do with it or i will explain the event in a funny way!! so let me tell you about one time i DID get the opportunity to successfully clown someone as a result of my father’s untimely death!!
one time in high school i was telling a group of people a story having to do with my mother and stepfather. upon hearing that i have a stepfather, one person at the table (who didn’t know me particularly well) paused the story to ask me “did you ever know your real dad?”
so then she asks “do you still talk to him?”
which, hey, let me pause this story to tell you all that it isn’t cool to ask someone about a parent if they talk about a stepparent but dont mention a biological parent. it’s just a bad move in general. but, in this moment, for me, it was EXHILARATING
at this point, ive realized: this is the moment ive been waiting for. the ultimate clowning. im gonna drag this shit out as long as i can. im gonna make this person really wait for this punchline. and dear god do i hope everyone at this lunch table who is well aware that my dad was smashed to smithereens a few years ago doesnt say a fuckign word. this is my MOMENT
so i try to school my expression into something neutral and tell her, “no, not really…i guess i could, theoretically, but it’d be kind of weird for me to try.”
this would be a good moment for her to realize she’s made a mistake and drop the conversation. but…she doesn’t drop it. im THRIVING. my little asshole heart is leaping out of my chest in excitement. she pushes onward. she asks me, “have you ever visited him?”
she still doesn’t drop it. she doesn’t know when to stop. im LIVING for it. she asks, “where does he live?”
“oh he lives in (town name)”
im praying she continues to question me. im so close to delivering the most drawn out, morbid punchline of my young life. im absolutely trembling. finally, she asks, having a vague knowledge of the geography of the town im talking about, “oh, where in (town name)?”
now. i ruin the moment slightly. i giggle. im just losing my mind at this point. one of the other people at the table snickers with me, knowing full well what’s about to go down. i decide it’s time. i put this horrible joke into the oven and now it’s piping hot and ready for the home delivery.
“oh, he lives in sacred heart cemetery.”
THANK YOU FOR ORDERING FROM TAYLOR’S SHITTY DEAD PARENT JOKE DELIVERY SERVICE. WOULD YOU LIKE TO FILL OUT A FEEDBACK SURVEY?
yeah apparently 0/5 stars because she was PISSED at me