pinned . carrd . icon credit . low activity , not really star wars heavy tbh . est. 2018 . please do not interact unless you are 18 & older .
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pinned . carrd . icon credit . low activity , not really star wars heavy tbh . est. 2018 . please do not interact unless you are 18 & older .

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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this blog layout still slaps.
⸻ ❛ a modern interpretation of ben organa-solo sans the force . *
themes of * ego death, kill your darlings, grief, loneliness, cowardice, loss of agency, hurting those closest to you, death of a childhood friend, living with consequences, quiet violence, religious imagery, assault.
¹ inbox open, ² open to new followers, ³ rules below.
I'M MOVING BEN TO A NEW BLOG. after i think like 4 years, it's time for a fresh start because i simply want to write ! please like & lmk if i should follow you!!!!
i want to write on ben but it feels like no ones around . if you want to hmu im on @aliterary , @bluntache , @baitlure , @011994 .

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I ACHE , a pain from deep within : devouring my blooming guilt , it builds alters inside me . YEARNING FOR THE BLADE of regret between my ribs once more , I ACHE : but not for absolution . my gaze sharpened against your knife ; empathy is not regression . it is a new weapon , to know thine enemy as you know yourself. I ACHE to change you just as you ache to devour me. / @baitlure , ind. will graham of nbc hannibal .
ind. vinsmoke sanji of the one piece live action netflix series !* ft. on aliterary . written by bast .
"Oh, if you knew just what a fool you had made me..."
Truth Saga in lyrics: Lydia x Tori - Stray Italian Greyhound by Vienna Teng.
I blame myself for their death knowing there was literally nothing I could've done
sheresists:
rey collapses onto the chaise in her room with a great heaving sigh. the last few weeks have left her weary ; it has been busy enough between her hosts surprising her with a celebration altogether more grand than a simple birthday could ever call for , and the subsequent callers after just such an occasion … and yet , all she ever seems to care to think about is the lack of a letter. rereading the two she has from him , how is it one she’s never actually met can have such a hold on her? she is not wanting for friends , thinking of the fast ones she’d made at the party who often come as early as breakfast to sometimes spend whole days with her –- and yet she truly yearns for only one , arguably the first one she made upon arriving here. she doesn’t dare let her disappointment seep through the facade for fear of seeming ungrateful , after all –- though rey wonders if , perhaps , she ought to have damned all modesty and convention and boasted about her birthday having been some days before the arrival of his last letter. she’s certain she could have worked it into her reply in such a way as to amuse him , though she’d worried coming off as an excitable child. the letter might have taken time to reach him with all his business and travels , but perhaps he might have appeared in the ballroom the night of his parents’ surprise for her though , if only she’d asked.
she bolts upright with the light knock and turning of the knob , a man peeking in with a tray –- oh , oh. just as swiftly as she’d sat up , rey leaps to her feet in an entirely undignified manner and meets the man before he even has need to step across the threshold. it must be him , it must be –- and then the man places a small box into her waiting hands as well , and rey could collapse again. when the man leaves her , she nearly does , grinning ear to ear as she dives onto her duvet , tearing open the letter with as much poise as she can muster else she risk ripping its contents apart. she knows he has been busy , that he travels often , but after so many days …
april 1840
i beg we forget my reproofs , which the days since i put pen to paper will have smoothed over in my own mind , thus leaving little use for such worries in yours. i do not think you so impolite as warrants any apology , but rather , understandably discerning –- i am but a stranger in your home , one who has heard so much about yourself and yet who must still be quite a stranger in these letters too , no matter how poorly i might try and draw comparisons between myself and mother nature. although i am afraid i must kindly correct you on two other points , one being that of my age –- i was seventeen , and now i am just eighteen –- and the other being that of your portrait , which portrays you exactly as you say excepting anything dull about it. but please do not accept these as further marks against your manners , as it really is so happy to hear from you! i do wonder though , are there really no women present who take part in matters of business? how can men walk through this world with so few occasions for associating with them as to have such an effect on you? what talents do you mean?
ink drips in the margins when rey hesitates a moment too long , thinking better of scratching down everything she has wanted to know about him that these days have sparked her imagination into wondering about. another knock at the door startles her out of her reverie , her hosts calling her to dinner , effectively putting to an end her reply for the moment. as she sits up , eyeing the paper regretfully , rey picks up the small box that had accompanied his long - awaited one , prying it open curiously. her grandparents have never left her wanting , though she’s not so spoiled that this does not strike her for what it is –- fingertips grazing the delicate pink pearls , then plucking up the note with his familiar scrawl. her cheeks dimple as she gently sets it aside with decided reverence and hurries to fasten the pearls around her neck , leaving her room to attend dinner as though a piece of him goes with her , there at home after all.
if you can continue to endure my many inquiries with no small amount of patience and supply them with answers , i would only gladly extend my forgiveness for your absence –- though nothing else requires so much regret on your part , however kind of you it is to think of me. i might add here that shortly after beginning this reply , i was called away to dine with your mother and father and attended wearing the beautiful gift you sent. i had such a feeling as if you were there that i will accept none other apology , as your thought and generosity touched even their hearts. they had such smiles tonight that it is as though you gifted it to them themselves , i truly cannot thank you enough.
but you may also rest assured , your same dear parents aided me very well at every turn the other night –- with much of the curiosity redirected onto my grandparents , who arranged a visit as surprising to me as the celebration itself! it would have marked the passing of the first birthday without them in attendance , a dreadful idea i was never more happy to have worried over for naught. in your stead i made many a friend and have been so fortunate as to meet with them several times since , but i should have liked to have met you , too.
yes , perhaps you may return someday even sooner , so that we might stage a small concert for your mother together. i should really like to hear you play as well , before i would surely sully it with my tune.
she moves her quill away before it leaves any more graceless stains at the letter’s edge , deliberating as her cheeks warm in ways that have little to do with the candlelight flickering so close. he is so forward , declaring her his new comfort. she has a thought that it may not be very proper , though his parents would never put her up to anything that wasn’t –- so surely he means it as friends do. and perhaps the company of his colleagues truly is what it sounds , rey fancying that he is homesick indeed , missing his family but unable to express it. his father is a humorous man , pretending at a gruffness that his wife sees through easily ; perhaps ben solo is the same. it would not do well to ignore that last passage altogether , for she might offend him if she does … so rey dips her quill back into her pot for fresh ink , and begins the ending to her letter.
though in truth , i must admit i am not so selfless as to think only of your mother in regards to such a visit. i cannot tell you the agony it was to await your answer , nor the delight its arrival brought. i believe that if i am homesick , it is quite an honor to find one with whom comfort can be found for the same.
faithfully ,
rey kenobi.
his friends are beginning to suspect him . he can tell from the way they watch the mail carrier , mirth tainting otherwise stoic features . worn down over long days and longer hours . unlike before , when nothing was of curiousness regarding ben solo ; now they cannot help but pry into his business . who has him so keyed up , what is on his mind ? he does his best to ignore the curiosities as they feel strangely juvenile and even feminine . men are to work , and be leaders of the people , not to stay up late wondering at what awaits them at home . perhaps , married men -- but never a man like himself , lonely , cold , and unlikeable . hux offends him with such direct questions . what are you keeping a secret ? who are you writing - surely not your mother . when ben finally admits his writing partner is of the feminine persuasion , hux is suspicious . questioning how - when ? ben tells him half truths , a girl his family knows . no one special . what a lie , what a desperate untruth he tries to feed himself . he wonders what the pearls might have looked like .
dear miss kenobi ,
i am truly sorry to have taken such a long time in writing this letter . it feels that no matter what i say , it will not be enough of an explanation for your continued waiting . i can only say that your patience is never taken for granted . our travels have been difficult these past days due to unforeseen weather but i assure you , other than ruined trouser legs , we have survived the worst of it . my friend , general hux has become determined to know more of you but i find myself unwilling to share . you have become a dear part of my personal pleasure and to share your words with another , one who knows so very little of you , feels untoward .
i feel though , i should apologize as perhaps the lack of formality has been overly evident in my own writing . it has been sometime since i have had a friend . and knowing that now , we are engaged , it had given me a sense of informality that i fear may have made me seem less learned than i would like . i assure you that i would never be so forward upon our meeting and i should hope to regain any respect my earlier writings may have lost me .
tell me , if i am to return , what would you want of me ? my time ? my money ? my company ? my stories ? i worry , with great reason i suspect , that i will be entirely oversold and underwhelming . with each day we grow closer to meeting , i find myself more unwiling to return lest your affections become changed .
longingly ,
ben solo

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mmm . . . i love the idea of one piece ben solo !! grandson of a great pirate (anakin) and a rich marines daughter (padme) , born to a rich ship yards daughter (leia) & a famous thief (solo) , nephew to an incredibly , talented marine general (luke) ! he is raised by luke until captain snoke convinces him to leave ; after the death of his friend tai at the hands of the knights crew , ben renames himself to escape his heritage & begins again as kylo ren . he would have observation haki to the level of precognition . whereas luke would have armanent haki and anakin conqueror haki . for the most part however , he would just be a very adept swordsman thanks to lukes training & his observation haki would be tapped into but nothing he's an expert with .
sheresists:
“ is that what you –– ” her lips part, passing a noisy huff of indignation between, before they curl to bare teeth in disgust, brows furrowing above in outrage, nose scrunching at the audacity of him to even entertain the possibility, let alone concern himself over it ––
“ sorry you’re such a twat that no one likes speaking to you, satan, ” rey starts in on him hotly, fuming at the sheer ignorance coming off of him in waves. how lucky for him that society would sooner high five him and stamp a red ‘ a ’ onto her. “ but some of us mingle with the peasants in the office, and to them it looks like i’ve slept my way to the top. except that doesn’t actually make any sense, because if that were the case, surely i could have finagled my way somewhat past tortured assistant to you. ” well, if he hadn’t been about to do it over worries of harassment, let her get fired and sent to some strange place for telling the truth.
"indeed,” hardly escapes his lips in hasty retort before he finds his attitude fouled by her own disgusted snarl . she talks like a woman scorned but he can’t find it in himself to accept his manner is the sole reason . ben finds himself standing , quickly , angrly ; hands flattened upon the cool black top of his over priced office desk . “ and that’s what you think of me , is it ? ”
the question comes off so antagonized , that ben regrets the emotions he know will be sussed out by her immediately . flattened palms , push against the cool desk top harder , straining as they appear to try and break through the obstacle . he breathes , one in , one out , irritated . “ well then , you should consider it a blessing . you won’t have to suffer through fake feelings for the devil himself . i’ll leave the details of our engagement in your apparently tortured hands .”
so , i found my old windows computer ❪ bless be mac but it was such a pain in my ass when writing and doing any aes stuff ❫ .... anyways , i think maybe if i just leave it on my desk i'll write something . i tried looking around to see how on earth to use tumblr again rip me, its been like a year tbh . xoxo .
currently writing at :
@bluntache , dean winchester / @011994 , allison argent / @enlaw , foggy nelson .
currently can be found writing at the following !
dean winchester , allison argent , foggy nelson .

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Tony Kushner, Angels in America
Send 👂 to overhear my muse talking about yours. hahaha
kylo falters, his boots seemingly catching on nothing. the floor is smooth, untouched and without err. yet he pauses, hearing snoke turn behind him - towards him , his robes making soft noises as it drags across the imposing throne before him. it reminds him of being a child, of the way snoke implored him to forget tai, to stop allowing the jedi to tame him, to bleed his crystal out. he doesn't turn towards snoke, too afraid in his heart, still fearful as a child would be of being lashed at for making too much eye contact. appearing to disagree in an impolite way would only bring agony for himself. instead he simply says, "armitage is not so stupid or so weak as to believe himself lesser than i. giving him such power, then expecting him to release it at your command, is dangerous. cruel even. i fear you are underestimating him."