rey collapses onto the chaise in her room with a great heaving sigh. the last few weeks have left her weary ; it has been busy enough between her hosts surprising her with a celebration altogether more grand than a simple birthday could ever call for , and the subsequent callers after just such an occasion … and yet , all she ever seems to care to think about is the lack of a letter. rereading the two she has from him , how is it one she’s never actually met can have such a hold on her? she is not wanting for friends , thinking of the fast ones she’d made at the party who often come as early as breakfast to sometimes spend whole days with her –- and yet she truly yearns for only one , arguably the first one she made upon arriving here. she doesn’t dare let her disappointment seep through the facade for fear of seeming ungrateful , after all –- though rey wonders if , perhaps , she ought to have damned all modesty and convention and boasted about her birthday having been some days before the arrival of his last letter. she’s certain she could have worked it into her reply in such a way as to amuse him , though she’d worried coming off as an excitable child. the letter might have taken time to reach him with all his business and travels , but perhaps he might have appeared in the ballroom the night of his parents’ surprise for her though , if only she’d asked.
she bolts upright with the light knock and turning of the knob , a man peeking in with a tray –- oh , oh. just as swiftly as she’d sat up , rey leaps to her feet in an entirely undignified manner and meets the man before he even has need to step across the threshold. it must be him , it must be –- and then the man places a small box into her waiting hands as well , and rey could collapse again. when the man leaves her , she nearly does , grinning ear to ear as she dives onto her duvet , tearing open the letter with as much poise as she can muster else she risk ripping its contents apart. she knows he has been busy , that he travels often , but after so many days …
i beg we forget my reproofs , which the days since i put pen to paper will have smoothed over in my own mind , thus leaving little use for such worries in yours. i do not think you so impolite as warrants any apology , but rather , understandably discerning –- i am but a stranger in your home , one who has heard so much about yourself and yet who must still be quite a stranger in these letters too , no matter how poorly i might try and draw comparisons between myself and mother nature. although i am afraid i must kindly correct you on two other points , one being that of my age –- i was seventeen , and now i am just eighteen –- and the other being that of your portrait , which portrays you exactly as you say excepting anything dull about it. but please do not accept these as further marks against your manners , as it really is so happy to hear from you! i do wonder though , are there really no women present who take part in matters of business? how can men walk through this world with so few occasions for associating with them as to have such an effect on you? what talents do you mean?
ink drips in the margins when rey hesitates a moment too long , thinking better of scratching down everything she has wanted to know about him that these days have sparked her imagination into wondering about. another knock at the door startles her out of her reverie , her hosts calling her to dinner , effectively putting to an end her reply for the moment. as she sits up , eyeing the paper regretfully , rey picks up the small box that had accompanied his long - awaited one , prying it open curiously. her grandparents have never left her wanting , though she’s not so spoiled that this does not strike her for what it is –- fingertips grazing the delicate pink pearls , then plucking up the note with his familiar scrawl. her cheeks dimple as she gently sets it aside with decided reverence and hurries to fasten the pearls around her neck , leaving her room to attend dinner as though a piece of him goes with her , there at home after all.
if you can continue to endure my many inquiries with no small amount of patience and supply them with answers , i would only gladly extend my forgiveness for your absence –- though nothing else requires so much regret on your part , however kind of you it is to think of me. i might add here that shortly after beginning this reply , i was called away to dine with your mother and father and attended wearing the beautiful gift you sent. i had such a feeling as if you were there that i will accept none other apology , as your thought and generosity touched even their hearts. they had such smiles tonight that it is as though you gifted it to them themselves , i truly cannot thank you enough.
but you may also rest assured , your same dear parents aided me very well at every turn the other night –- with much of the curiosity redirected onto my grandparents , who arranged a visit as surprising to me as the celebration itself! it would have marked the passing of the first birthday without them in attendance , a dreadful idea i was never more happy to have worried over for naught. in your stead i made many a friend and have been so fortunate as to meet with them several times since , but i should have liked to have met you , too.
yes , perhaps you may return someday even sooner , so that we might stage a small concert for your mother together. i should really like to hear you play as well , before i would surely sully it with my tune.
she moves her quill away before it leaves any more graceless stains at the letter’s edge , deliberating as her cheeks warm in ways that have little to do with the candlelight flickering so close. he is so forward , declaring her his new comfort. she has a thought that it may not be very proper , though his parents would never put her up to anything that wasn’t –- so surely he means it as friends do. and perhaps the company of his colleagues truly is what it sounds , rey fancying that he is homesick indeed , missing his family but unable to express it. his father is a humorous man , pretending at a gruffness that his wife sees through easily ; perhaps ben solo is the same. it would not do well to ignore that last passage altogether , for she might offend him if she does … so rey dips her quill back into her pot for fresh ink , and begins the ending to her letter.
though in truth , i must admit i am not so selfless as to think only of your mother in regards to such a visit. i cannot tell you the agony it was to await your answer , nor the delight its arrival brought. i believe that if i am homesick , it is quite an honor to find one with whom comfort can be found for the same.
his friends are beginning to suspect him . he can tell from the way they watch the mail carrier , mirth tainting otherwise stoic features . worn down over long days and longer hours . unlike before , when nothing was of curiousness regarding ben solo ; now they cannot help but pry into his business . who has him so keyed up , what is on his mind ? he does his best to ignore the curiosities as they feel strangely juvenile and even feminine . men are to work , and be leaders of the people , not to stay up late wondering at what awaits them at home . perhaps , married men -- but never a man like himself , lonely , cold , and unlikeable . hux offends him with such direct questions . what are you keeping a secret ? who are you writing - surely not your mother . when ben finally admits his writing partner is of the feminine persuasion , hux is suspicious . questioning how - when ? ben tells him half truths , a girl his family knows . no one special . what a lie , what a desperate untruth he tries to feed himself . he wonders what the pearls might have looked like .
i am truly sorry to have taken such a long time in writing this letter . it feels that no matter what i say , it will not be enough of an explanation for your continued waiting . i can only say that your patience is never taken for granted . our travels have been difficult these past days due to unforeseen weather but i assure you , other than ruined trouser legs , we have survived the worst of it . my friend , general hux has become determined to know more of you but i find myself unwilling to share . you have become a dear part of my personal pleasure and to share your words with another , one who knows so very little of you , feels untoward .
i feel though , i should apologize as perhaps the lack of formality has been overly evident in my own writing . it has been sometime since i have had a friend . and knowing that now , we are engaged , it had given me a sense of informality that i fear may have made me seem less learned than i would like . i assure you that i would never be so forward upon our meeting and i should hope to regain any respect my earlier writings may have lost me .
tell me , if i am to return , what would you want of me ? my time ? my money ? my company ? my stories ? i worry , with great reason i suspect , that i will be entirely oversold and underwhelming . with each day we grow closer to meeting , i find myself more unwiling to return lest your affections become changed .
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