⋆★Kikih_daruh★⋆

(It's Hungarian)

★Esőfüggöny ★

Csepeg az eső levélről levélre,

S vizfüggönyként csorog a sima kövekre.

De ha azt a függönyt egyszer elhúzhatnám,

Gyönyörű arcodat újra tisztán láthatnám.

Halk kacagásod, mint a kovakő szikrája,

Égő tűzet ereszt lelkem tűzifájára.

Az a forró láng szétkúszik keblemben,

S felemészti sűrű búm oly könnyeden.

Aztán jön a rút zápor, s szívem víg lángja,

Elhalványul, elhal, csak hamva marad utána.

De mindig marad megbújva egy-egy aprócska szikra,

S mosolyod szépsége az esőt felitatja.

Most a sápadt felleg egyre csak sír,

A nap nem siet vigasztalni gyermekét.

De ha az esőfüggönyt egyszer elhúzhatnám,

Újra és újra

Felkelsz reggel, hulla módon,

A dogák miatt aggódsz folyton.

Aztán megkérdezik tőled;

„Miért nem alszol te eleget?”

Talán, mert ön óra után

Egy tonna leckét hagyott miránk.

A szünetben menjél ki,

Nem számít, hogy préri van kint.

Mert hogy: „Bohóckodtok itt bent!”

Ne általánosítani, kérem....

Ha jól tanulsz, stréber vagy,

De attól még, hogy okos vagy.....!

Ám amikor rossz jegyet szerzel,

A tanár "csalódik benned".

„Légy nyugodtan önmagad!”

De ha az vagy, az fura.

Elvileg a diákok egyenrangúak,

De van egyfajta hierarchia....

Vannak a "menők, normálisak, nyomik",

A "menők" döntik el, ki hova tartozik.

Uh, s a híres tesik!

A fele csinálja a feladatot, a többi verekszik,

De a bűntetést persze kapja mindenki...!

Menj haza, hátadon 9 kilóval,

És siessél eddzésedre, zeneórádra.

De ha nem jársz ilyesmire:

„Lusta dög vagy, nem viszed semmire!”

Aztán, mikor otthon játszol,

Mondják: „ezért bukdácsolsz!

Khm...ön olyanról hallott már,

Hogy szabadidő, kikapcsolódás?

Aztán este nem merülsz álomba,

A holnapon gondolkodsz egyfolytában.

Aztán még csodálkoznak,

Even when I was in kindergarten, I never really liked dresses, skirts, or traditionally feminine clothes. I often wore my older brother's hand-me-downs instead, and because of that, I was excluded by some of my peers. I had friends who were both boys and girls.

When I started school, I had several crushes, all on boys (none of whom liked me back, unfortunately 🥹), up until fourth grade. That's when I got to know one of my female friends better. I started feeling something familiar — the same kind of feeling I had experienced when I had crushes on boys.

I kept those feelings to myself for a while, especially since she got a boyfriend. Eventually, though, I confessed to her😅. She didn't judge me at all. She simply told me that she already had a boyfriend, so nothing could happen between us. Even so, I felt guilty and ashamed for confessing to someone who was already in a relationship.

After that, I had crushes on several other girls as well. Around that time, I also started dressing more masculinely, and I realized that I felt much more comfortable in masculine clothing than in feminine clothing.

Later, she broke up with her boyfriend, and after some time, she confessed that she liked me too. I couldn't give her a clear answer because I was terrified of other people's opinions and of being excluded because of my social anxiety🥲. I was also afraid because of the political climate in Hungary (Agh Orbán 😌).

My family made things more complicated. My father and my brother believe that being LGBTQ+ or talking about LGBTQ+ issues is just a trend. My mother was mostly neutral about it.

During one conversation about LGBTQ+ rights, my brother said that LGBTQ+ people already have too many rights and that he wished they would just d!e (💀). Some of my friends have had similar opinions, which is why I don't talk about myself with them. Thankfully, my closest friends are much more understanding and similar to me, and I feel the safest around them💖.

Eventually, I found the labels that describe me best: omnisexual (which is similar to pansexuality, except gender still plays a small role in attraction) and transmasculine (an umbrella term that includes trans boys, demiboys, and some people on the non-binary spectrum).

At one point, my father and brother tried to convince me that LGBTQ+ identities are just trends. I asked them, "Then are you straight and homophobic because it's trendy?" Needless to say, I got sent to my room.

Eventually, I told my mom about my feelings (at least the omnisexual part), and she told me that she accepts me and loves me just the same.

This is my story, cutie pies :3