not quite original, not quite creative

his face kills me here. he's trying not to cry because he does know he's gay. in this moment - underneath all the bigotry and hate - is this desperate sad kid about to cry, begging for help. he's looking at two people that he was just hateful to and begging for help because that's what he's always doing.

that's what fuels everything. that's what was the driving force behind the bigotry is him begging someone please tell me it's not true someone please convince me this isn't true. look at the heartbreak on his face at being called out for being gay.

because that's the hardest part of it, he knows. he always knew he was gay. that's where the anguish comes from. his arc is not him actually figuring out if he's gay, it's him trying desperately to be able to break free from feeling like he has to pretend to be straight, about desperately trying to believe that it's okay for him to be himself. that he's allowed to exist and be loved anyways despite being gay, something that he is so so ashamed of because he was conditioned to believe he isn't lovable and this is why.

underneath all that reality warping and denial he knew the whole time. all the bigoted tirades were him begging for someone to convince him that he can exist and be loved anyways.