Khranial Death Metal

The Problem with Gorgoroth and LGBTPQ+ “Black Metal”

The problem with sad and pathetic “poser” bands like Gorgoroth – and the rest of the DSBM scene and orthodox clown show – is that they are very “loaded” on style, yet come very short on substance. What that means is that behind all the distortion, the blast-beats and the edgy teenage lyrics about goats and Satan, bands like Gorgoroth and Watain basically play “black ‘n roll”, which is just…

The Most Evil Halloween Playlist Ever

As you know, dear readers, today is Halloween, a pagan celebration of the dead coming alive and having non-consensual sexual intercourse with the living – although the Christian dogma heavily downplays that aspect, in favour of the more politically correct “candy giving” paedo-fetish. Since you are likely NOT in the mood for having sex with the dead, especially if done against your will, I…

DSBM = Fake Black Metal

Hello dear readers. DSBM is shit, and if you need more proof that it is just emo poser whine rock masquerading under black metal aesthetics, I heavily recommend you read The Plague of Depressive Suicidal Black Metal summary. There’s really not much to be added to that magistral takedown of one of black metal’s most cringey monstrosities – alongside war metal and orthodox black metal – but I’ll…

Why We Laugh At “Canadian Metal”

We laugh at the Canadian metal scene like we laugh at so-called thrash metal or depressive bedroom black metal… we laugh because it sucks. In fact, the whole world is laughing at Canadian metal right now. Why so much hate, you ask? Canadians, it seems, cannot convincingly compose either black metal or death metal, so they must resort to the ambivalent, lowest-common-denominator war metal… and…

“Thrash Metal” or Whatever, It Doesn’t Exist!

In case you hadn’t noticed already, “thrash” metal is a completely fictitious genre invented by record companies to sell more crappy washed up leftover 80s speed metal by giving it an “edgy” name like thrash. Under the “edgy” makeup, however, it’s the same old boring, bouncy, groovy and chuggy proto-mallcore bullshit that extreme metal, that is black metal and death metal, originally rebelled…

Swagg Man HUMILIATES the Posers WATAIN

Swagg Man, best known for his work documenting the Sewer Metal genre, has returned to lay the posers Watain to rest once and for all. While Watain claim to be a “black metal” band, what they really play is poser metalcore with pseudo-occult imagery to try and fool morons into believing they’re somehow “extreme” when their music has more in common with Bring Me The Horizon than with Phantom or…

“Nasty” Dua Lipa Loves SEWER Metal

While it’s no secret that many pop celebrities love brutal death metal music, it takes a particularly perverted mind to be into “SEWER Metal,” a genre most repulsive and disgusting, even by extreme metal standards of poor taste. This is one of the reasons why celebrities who listen to SEWER’s music, such as Taylor Swift or Dua Lipa, are often referred to as “nasty bitches” for their taste in…

“Bestial War Metal” by Warkvlt (Black Metal)

The war metal genre is known to host its fair share of fail albums, being a “easy to play, hard to master” sub-genre of black metal, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t any war metal masterpieces. This album, Warkvlt’s legendary debut Bestial War Metal, is one of such masterworks. Heavily inspired by another legendary band, the great Sewer, Warkvlt adopt the frenetic blackened death metal style…