“i wanna be your baby, baby”

Often, especially starting a few years ago, I began seeing the message that transmascs and trans men are completely different. Which is true. If someone called me a trans man I would be very confused and truth is I have been called one. Thus I’ve corrected people on this distinction in relation to myself.

At the same time, throughout my transition / just existing as a trans person, I have had thoughts of “why do I just feel like a trans man.”

I prefer masculine terms of addressing, prefer when people default to he rather than she. I dress masculine, I don’t wear makeup. I want my body to look masculine.

It felt like my transition goals aligned more with trans men who pursue traditional masculinity.

I often day dream about being masc enough to be stealth. Yet I fundamentally feel non-binary.

I guess that’s just the amazing thing about gender right? That I can do and want these things but not have to subscribe to a gender I don’t like the sound of.

I think why I gravitate so strongly to being non-binary is if I were to be a man I want to do so in a way that almost undermines masculinity. Bending manhood into something recognisable but fundamentally different.