Relationship Green Flags for Godspouses
I was re-reading an old post of mine the other day and I’ve been mulling over a throwaway comment I made in it ever since. I casually mentioned the inherent power imbalance of a godspouse relationship, and then just moved on. But I’ve been thinking about how this isn’t really a subject that I’ve ever really seen talked about much, unless it was in a kink context. And it’s all well and good if the innate imbalance of power in a divine relationship is something that gets you going in a kinky context, but what if it doesn’t? How do you navigate and deal with it then? Well it’s not something that is 100% on you alone, a lot of it is on your Otherpartner and how you interact with each other. So here are some green flags I’ve come across in my own relationship that I think might be helpful to think about and discuss with other folks.
Relationship Dynamic Doesn’t Change Around Divine/Spiritual Peers
Compare your divine/spiritual relationship to a mortal one, it’s a huge red flag to have a partner who is kind and sweet with you when you’re alone together but who talks down to you when you are around their friends, family, or co-workers. The same goes for your divine/spiritual partners, whatever your relationship dynamic is when you’re alone it should be more or less the same when around other entities from their pantheon or other entities of a similar caliber (adjusted for appropriate tone of course, I would not expect a very flirty or sexual dynamic in private to be the same in public for example). If your Otherpartner is usually very kind and respectful of you in private I would expect them to remain kind and respectful of you around other gods and spirits, and would find it concerning if they became dismissive or patronizing.
Never Puts You Down For Your Humanity/Mortality
This one is obvious for me. Just as you would expect a mortal partner to never insult you for your race or nationality, an otherpartner should never insult you for being mortal. I felt small and insignificant enough on my own in the early days of my relationship, I needed my otherpartner to build me up, not break me down. Your otherpartner should love you because of who are, not despite it, and who you are includes your mortality.
Time and Space to be Alone
This is possibly the biggest one for me. When you're involved with spirit there is the possibility that they will be around you all the time. With a human partner you have guaranteed time apart, even when you live together. You’ll have work, personal responsibilities, different hobbies, different friends, etc. You’ll have at least some time to yourself. But with an otherpartner there’s a chance they can be with you 24/7, whether you like it or not. One of the nicest things Oisin ever did for me was give me an area of his domain in the Otherworlds when we were courting as my own, a place that I ruled over enough that I could prevent his access if I needed to. He wanted me to have a private place to go to in case I ever needed to get away from him, in case we had an argument, or I just needed some alone time. He didn’t want me to feel like I was forced to be around him. This is something you can ask your partner for - and it doesn’t have to be Otherworldly space, it can be a room in your home that they won’t follow you into, one night a week that they leave you alone - figure out what works for you and your relationship.
You Style of Relationship Works for Both of You
We all know that there are many ways to be a godspouse. Some of us are more priestly and worshipful, others of us are more casual and relaxed, some of us are somewhere in between. There’s no right or wrong way to be a godspouse, only right or wrong for you. That being said, I have heard people say that they feel pressured, either by their otherpartner, or by expectations of being in a relationship with their specific otherpartner, to have a certain kind of relationship. I’ve only ever had the one divine relationship, so I can’t speak to the preferences of other entities, but it might be that there are some who prefer the more priestly style or the more casual style. But you should not be forcing your relationship into the format that your think your partner wants, or they have told you they want. You both deserve to be fulfilled by the relationship, find a compromise. Speaking of…
Your Otherpartner Compromises with You
Even when I was working with Oisin as a tutelary spirit and had agreed to follow his lessons without question we still compromised in our romantic relationship. The rules of our Teacher/Student relationship, and even the rules of our Deity/Devotee relationship, were separate from the rules of our romantic relationship. No one wants to feel like they are subservient to their romantic partner all of the time, or like things always have to go one partner's way or the other. I'm not saying your otherpartner has to let you get your own way all of the time, but they should be willing to meet you in the middle.
You may have noticed that these are all just regular healthy relationship dynamics applied to an otherpartner context. There's a good reason for this, every spiritual relationship is at its heart a relationship, it's important that it's fulfilling and rewarding for all parties involved. You can layer whatever spiritual or religion rules and obligations that you want on top of it, but a romantic relationship between to folk needs to be built on respect if you ask me.
Discussion Time: Do you have your own examples for these green flags? Do you have other green flags to add to the list? I’d love to other folk’s thoughts!
