Captain.*

how to have soft hair: so you know the part of the shower you spend staring into the indeterminable void, so far gone into nothingness that you almost expect it to reply, fully aware of the improbability of our continued existence, dazzled and terrified by the otherworldly creatures moving in a pane beyond ours, wondering if you’re imagining the black claws closing in around you? you put the conditioner in your hair before that

@greasemonkeyed

me during sex: can we stop for a sec i need a glass of water

me: comes back 20 minutes later with a Slurpee

I can say things like that because Jake isn’t online and probably will never again get online as he cannot figure out his smart phone. 

I think the phrase goes.. @ me next time.

relationship goal: a relationship

@prcserpina

i hate this website

*blows a kiss to the swimming pool* for barb

What I Might Suggest For The Sake Of Entertainment Is That Since He Is So Pleased With The Concept Of Either Hacking Or Encouraging Others To Hack His Political Opponents And Given Your Own Skill In The Area Devote Some Time To Digging Up The Skeletons In His Own Closet And Publicly Disclose Them 

Are we doxxing donald trump?

Jake You Do Realize That Your Tag Could Fit In Easily With Those Statements Correct

That was the point. :-)