Kennedy

“I should probably save my messy life for another day,” Grant replied. “Not ruin this whole moment. I really want to make this work Kennedy. It’s not that I don’t want to, I just need to figure out how to open up more”

Kennedy nodded quickly. “Oh, yeah, totally, I didn’t mean to assume that we were getting into all that today, right now. Sorry,” she said, taking a sip of her coffee to ineffectively hide the pink in her cheeks. “I’d like this to work out, too. And I know I said I needed time, but you can take as much time as you need, too. I don’t want you to feel like it’s now or never.”

Something about her tone didn’t match up with her words, but he didn’t think about it too hard, instead focusing on what she had said. “I mean, I always say you should get another dog. That’s literally always my view.” He grinned, shrugging. “I don’t think two dogs is quite enough to bump you to crazy.” Blake nudged her. “Especially not when my best friend is a squirrel.”

“Fair enough.” Kennedy smiled, “Honestly I was hoping you’d say another dog. I think I’ll need to look into a bigger place first though... Maybe I’m just paranoid and he’s perfectly fine. I mean, it’s not like he’s a puppy anymore. That was a rough year.” She shook her head, getting out of her memories. “Anyway, thanks for helping me solve that problem.”

“I was joking about that, he’s my best friend and I’d be lost without him.” Leslie laughed uncomfortably. “I’m sorry, I’m really bad in these situations. You’re the first person that isn’t family or drinking with me that I’ve come out to. So, uh, can we keep it between us? I’m not…I’m not out.”

When Leslie asked that Kennedy not say anything, she nodded quickly. “Don’t worry, I totally understand. No one will hear a thing from me. Well, I mean, I’m not just gonna not say anything ever again, but about this- you get it.”

“Okay, one Soy Caramel Mocha comin’ up.”

Kennedy waited for the drink, thanking Elliot when it was finished. She took a sip and nodded, “Oh woah, this is good. I think I just found my new favorite thing.”

Grant nodded. “I really appreciate that, Kennedy. And you don’t have to tell me anything you’re not comfortable with either” Grant sighed, rubbing the back of my neck. “Can I just,” he paused. “I, there’s a lot about me that’s really complicated, and I have a lot of baggage. I don’t mean to, but it just happened. So, at any point, you just never want to speak to me again, or something, just tell me. I’ll respect that and leave you alone.” 

Kennedy wanted to assure him that nothing he told her could ever make her want to cut him out of her life, but she couldn’t make a promise like that. What if he said something that did? She was better off hearing him out first. The way he’d set it up didn’t sound promising at all, however, and she was kind of nervous to hear it. “We all have baggage. I mean, obviously not all the same caliber, and that doesn’t- I’m gonna stop talking now so you can go ahead and get whatever you want off your chest, and I’ll just listen.”

“I saw you come home all upset when I was playing with the dog outside,” James held up a plate of cookies. “They’re gluten free, but they always make me happy when I’m upset.”

@kennedycarr

“Oh, I wasn’t-” Kennedy stopped herself there. She smiled appreciatively at James and took a cookie. “Thanks,” she said, taking a bite. “I always hear bad things about gluten-free stuff, but these are good. Did you make them?”

“Well, then you’ve come to the right brother.” He nodded, leaning his chin on his hand. “What’s up, Ken?”

Kennedy sighed. She wanted to ask him what she should do about the situation she was in with Grant and Leslie. If there were red flags she was somehow missing. But she couldn’t, she couldn’t say anything. Instead, she asked, “Should I get another dog? I’m worried that Jax gets lonely when I’m at work. Maybe I can take him to a doggy daycare thing or something? Or am I just being crazy?”

Kit shrugged. “I don’t know, probably because our pigs had enough mud,” Kit replied with a small smirk.

“That’s a good point. We’d probably definitely know if our pigs had too much sun and not enough mud.”

Grant listened intently to everything that Kennedy was saying and by the end he was nodding. “It’s okay if you need time, honestly I kind of expected it.” He shrugged. “It’s complicated, and I know that, I’m really sorry that you kind of got dragged into the most complicated part of my life.” He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. “But if you still want, I would love to get to know you more, and you get to know me more. Like I said before, there’s a lot people don’t know about me. It’s a lot for me to open up, but I really do want to try.”

Kennedy shook her head. “No, you don’t have to be sorry, it’s okay,” she told him. “Nothing worthwhile is ever easy,” she shrugged. When he offered for them to get better acquainted with one another, she smiled, “I’d like that. And maybe it’ll help me with all this. Somehow.” After a beat, she continued, “But I don’t want you to feel like you have to tell me everything. Just what you want to, what you’re comfortable with.”

“Well how do they get sunburned?”

“If they don’t have enough mud. They use that kinda like sunscreen. Huh. How did we grow up and not know this?” Kennedy shook her head.

“I really like the Soy Caramel Mocha,” she replied. “But I usually put an extra espresso shot in mine.”

“Oh. That actually sounds really good,” Kennedy chuckled. “I’d like to do that instead, please.”

Grant nodded his head when she told him about Leslie, though he still felt bad even though she said she wasn’t upset anymore. “I’m sorry,” he apologized again. He couldn’t remember the last time that he apologized so much. “I wish I didn’t lie to you. If I could’ve I would’ve told you everything from the beginning. It’s just, Leslie is my best friend, one of the most important people in my life, and I could never betray someone that I love. You deserve better. I understand if you can’t trust me, but know that the only thing that I ever lied about was my relationship with Leslie. Everything else I ever told you was true, from the Davenports basically being my family, to what happened with my family and my sexuality. All of that, it was true.” He ran a shaky hand through his hair. “I was really messed up after that happened, and I agreed to help Leslie because I didn’t want her to ever feel like how I felt after my parents kicked me out.”

Listening to him, Kennedy’s heart ached. “I never thought you lied about the Davenports, or-” she stopped herself there. She hadn’t thought he lied about any of it. She trusted him entirely, and maybe some of that was broken now, but it was on the mend. She didn’t resent him for it. He was doing something for someone he saw as family, helping her keep a secret she hadn’t been ready to share with anyone else. Kennedy couldn’t hold that against either of them. She’d do anything for her own family. She still couldn’t believe his parents had kicked him out, and now hearing the reason he did this come from him- she wanted to reach across the table and hug him. “Okay,” she began, adjusting in her seat so she was sitting up even straighter. “Laying all my cards on the table here. Is that the saying? Doesn’t matter. Leslie said that nothing needed to change and I should just go for it with you. She also said that you’d give me time if I needed it, and you have, you gave me a lot. Which I appreciate, I didn’t say that before but I do.” She took another deep breath, exhaling shakily. If she hadn’t been anxious before, she certainly was now. “I think that maybe I need a little more. If that’s okay, I- it’s-” she found it difficult to explain, the words just not coming to her. Frustrated, she scratched the side of her head. “I don’t know, I feel like it’s a lot to ask, I guess?”

“His shield is way cooler than any of the other Avengers owers. Except maybe Thor, but he’s a god so it doesn’t count.”

“Tony Stark is literally a human super computer. Steve Rogers was a science experiment with very positive results. At least Thor’s god-status is natural.”

“That and he wanted to make sure I, uh, didn’t get hurt.” Leslie shrugged. She listened to Kennedy with a slight frown, glad that she was accepting of the whole situation and not mad about the lie, but still, she frowned. “Nothing has to change, Kennedy. I mean, not to betray his trust but he likes you, so if you want to pursue him I say go for it. But he’s a good dude, he’ll understand if you need some time. And if he doesn’t understand I’ll slip some mercury in his coffee.”

Kennedy nodded at what Leslie told her. It was easier that way. “Yeah, you’re right, nothing has to change. In fact, this is better,” she said with a small smile. Though, hearing the other woman describe Grant as ‘good’ was somewhat reassuring. Leslie would know better than anyone what he was really like, so maybe Kennedy really did have nothing to worry about. That didn’t stop her, but it was still nice to know. “That’s a nice offer,” she joked, “But please don’t poison him no matter what happens.”

Grant let Kennedy have her space, he didn’t want to invade that after what he did. It made work so lonely, he didn’t realize how much time he spent with Kennedy at work before now. Grant was happy when she invited him for coffee, yet he was nervous too. Grant already had his coffee when Kennedy approached him sitting at one of the tables. His hand were gripped pretty tight around the coffee, since Leslie stopped him from drinking the other night, he was still shaky. He was anxious, resulting in wanting a drink, if there was a tigheter grip on the coffee, he’d crush it. 

He looked at her, there was a slight smile upon his face, but he also had sadness in his eyes. He opened up his mouth to say hello back but she just kept going. “Kennedy, Kennedy,” he said, hoping to slow her nerves. “I understand. I scared you. I should be the one that’s sorry. I kissed you and I am dating Leslie, I shouldn’t have, I shouldn’t have done that.” He wasn’t sure if Leslie had told her yet like she said and he wasn’t about to force her to, or rush it. Though, he hated that he had to keep up this act with Kennedy because he really liked her.

Kennedy took a deep breath and set down her coffee, sitting across from him. She listened to him talk, shaking her head slowly as he spoke. “Leslie told me everything,” she admitted, speaking softly. For a moment she felt like she was telling someone’s secret, but then remembered that Grant was in on it. She didn’t want him to feel like he had to keep this up in front of her. “She told me about her and about what you’re doing for her. It’s very sweet of you. And I’m glad she found me and told me, because to be honest, I was really upset up until then. But, uh, yeah, I know.” She paused before adding on, “I mean, I understand why you didn’t tell me, of course. I just- I didn’t want you to feel like you still had to watch what you say to me. Or be worried that I was still upset.”

“Hi,” she greeted upon seeing him. Then, in good ol’ Kennedy fashion, she blurted, “Sorry I’ve been avoiding you, and I’m sorry that it’s been all of ten seconds and I’m already apologizing about it, and thank you for meeting up with me. Wow. Why did that feel so formal? Jeez.” Great. She was already a rambling mess. This was a wonderful start.

“Grant told me what happened.” Leslie blurted out. She paused for an uncomfortably long time, trying to figure out the right words to say. How could she say what she needed to say? The only time she’d come out to anyone not in her family was when she was drunk. “I’m uh…I’m not mad. Because…” She took a shaky breath. “Me and Grant were never ever, ever really dating? I, uh….I’m.” She choked. Oh god, how could she say this without being…horribly, horribly horrible. “I’m sorry, I’ve never done this. But, uh. I’m a lesbian. Grant was just my pretend boyfriend because I didn’t want people to ask me when I was going to bring a boy home and it was just easier to say it was Grant and…yeah. So I’m not mad. In fact, I’m, like, really happy. Because he’s my best friend, and he finally made a move. And I’m proud of him.” Leslie stopped. “I’m rambling. I’m sorry.”

Oh boy. Ken groaned inwardly. “I’m so sorry, Leslie, I never meant for anything to- wait, you’re not mad?” She stopped talking so that the other woman could continue, wringing her hands nervously as she listened. As the situation was explained to her, Kennedy stopped fidgeting, instead letting her hands fall to her sides. “Okay,” she began slowly, trying to process all of the new information that had just been dumped on her. “So you and Grant aren’t dating, you were pretending to because you’re gay and didn’t want anyone to ask questions?” She was pretty sure she understood. “I’m feeling a lot of things right now,” she stated. “I think mostly shock because I was ready for you to be really upset, but you’re the complete opposite. Which is good, it’s really good, I’m relieved,” she smiled but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “And I’m happy for you, and I really appreciate you telling me all of that. Like, a lot. I can’t begin to imagine what it took.” Kennedy paused for a moment. “I’m just not sure how to go on from here. I mean, before it was all fine because I thought you two were dating, and I just had a little crush that I thought was going away and I would move on. But now...” Now she had to face the fact that it wasn’t just a little crush. Now he could actually break her heart.