“The reason I read that is because when I read the first description - those 3 paragraphs I was so astounded by the way the man wrote that I had to, being the aspiring writer myself, that I had to stop and write what he wrote just to see how it felt to write those words and - it’s amazing. The craft and the skill that is just sublime. And, this is important to me and its in my video, in my diary because books and writing and words are the artform for me that turn me on. And not necessarily in a sexual way although the two things are related. And I have to say that when I’m writing and I’m creating and when I’m reading my sexuality just comes up much more naturally - just comes out. And I think that art in general - any kind of creative pursuit - has that kind of an effect on people’s sexuality. I can only speak from a woman’s perspective but I think for women that is a general truism that I can say. For myself personally, in my twenties, I used creating arts to get myself out of a very bad suffering(?) or space, that included my sexuality and I often have dreams where the two things are mixed. Its not just a healing thing. Its actually the healing is just a step on the way. I think the two things are actually interlinked - the creative act. Sex is about procreation. yes we do it for pleasure, yes we just have pleasure for its own sake but its also about creativity, the deeper self, and I think that our urge to make things ties in somehow with that or to experience it coming in as well. For example, when I was 26, I went to the movies with a girlfriend of mine and I was kind of in the middle of feeling really fucked up about myself and my sexuality in general - not very good. She said, “What do you want to see?” I said, “I really want go and see Anna Karinina - That looks great.” I hadn’t read the book. I still haven’t read the book. But the film intrigued me. So I went and saw this beautiful and terrible film with my girlfriend and while I was watching the film, sitting there in the dark, and I can’t remember the scene of the movie because I was too busy being amazed at this spontaneous experience that I was having. I felt this flood of water - of wetness - in my own pants and this feeling that. I can only describe as a full body orgasm. It wasn’t like full pleasure like sexual orgasm but it was an orgasm. And it was a really huge thing for me. I hadn’t been touching myself. I had, in fact, at this stage in my life I was suffering from frigidity. And um, it was profound. Natalie Goldberg, who writes about writing - and also writes - said something about how when she’s writing there’s nothing happening on the outside she looks just… nothing really. But on the inside, she’s wild. And I think writing is like that definitely but I think also our sexuality is like that. There’s nothing going on on the outside but inside its wild. And having the opportunity to just be and read today I felt this feeling just welling up again inside of me. Just wild. Just yeah. So, I’m going to masturbate. And, I’m going to ignore the dog in the corner which has been sneaking in the videos and will probably get up at some point and go (makes whining noises) and she is on heat at the moment - she’s having her period for the first time. So, excuse the dog. Thats life and thats what this diary is about. Life and the way our wonderful sexuality fits into it.”
