keeping track of the days

I feel like something is shifting and there is healing going on but at the same time I still feel so disconnected from myself and others. I’m tired of things looking so distorted; it’s traumatizing. I wouldn’t wish severe derealization on anyone. It’s just so scary when people look like they are CGI and when everything feels like a video game from hell. My mood has been better lately, though, and I am able to feel calm in my body (not in crisis constantly!!!!) goodnight 🖤🫶 - Abigail, Miranda & Charlot

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I pet sat for someone nearby… they also had guinea pigs 🌷

here is a lil piece of my art 🙂🌷🌙

progress on the painting; me as a f@g; view from a walk around Cranberry Lake. I felt so disconnected from the world around me (everything looks extremely distorted almost constantly-- colors look either too vivid or too pale, and everything looks digital/CGI) though I tried my best to be present. 5/17/21.

I can't remember what happened on this day- I know I put on this outfit as an act of self care, though. 5/16/21.

beginnings of a portrait - 5/16/21.

doodle of a seaweed monster - 5/15/21.

flowers and a selfie I took in a friend's bathroom - we went over to her place for drinks & wound up sitting inside by the welcomed warmth of the fireplace - 5/14/21.

at a park in Yorktown Heights, NY - didn't walk far at all because of ticks!! 5/13/21.

started DHEA - the precursor to testosterone - even on the first day I took it, it gave me a sort of euphoric feeling. could be placebo, but who knows... 5/12/21.

drinking olipop outside - there were tons of bees and other bugs around. 5/11/21

I painted des fleurs pour ma maman - a mother's day gift :) 5/9/21.

I don't remember this day - but here is a photo of blue light in my room. 5/7/21.

Trevor got a new shirt - lol - 5/6/21.

getting drinks at a gay bar in the village (nyc) - my partner and I were the only ones in the whole back room/lounge. I had a breakdown on the way back because of how dissociated I felt. 5/5/21.

cottagecore IRL - I went to Audubon in Goldens Bridge, NY :) one of my favorite places. 5/4/21.