THG LOVER🔥

    I know it’s not right to stay. I can’t leave my family with Greasy and Peeta. That’s not fair.

    I escaped to take a breath and figure out myself. It’s time to go. So I do, slowly.

    As I leave the woods I think about everything. I think about the past… Peeta, the games, war, death, destruction; I think about the present… My family, twelve, Peeta, my feelings; and lastly I think of the future… rebuilding, hope, love, fear.

    So many things.

    I finally make it home to the Victor’s Village when I realize it’s pitch black. I must have been gone for hours. Where had the time gone?

    I walk inside and find all the people I left sitting in the living room, talking.

    I can’t help it when my eyes won’t leave Peeta. I sit next to him and sigh. It’s good to be close to him again. He finally looks at me and I open my mouth.

    “Of course, Poet,” he just stares at me with his adorable confused face, “You asked me a question… before I left. You asked if I cared.”

    I watch as realization hits him and a small smile graces his perfect, pink lips.

    “I care about you a lot. You know that. How could someone go through all that we have and not care?” His smile starts to slip, so I continue, “you can’t go from loving someone so much it hurts to nothing. That’s not how it works.”

    “Loving someone?” He asks with a gleam of hope in his eye.

    “Well duh, Poet. Love sneaks up on a person, you know? It’s not always a fun game.”

    I suddenly become very aware that my entire family is in the room alongside Greasy Sae, but I continue anyway because I know I need to say it and he needs to hear it.

    “Sometimes it comes easy. Like your love for me did when we were younger. Other times it comes slowly. Friendship first, love second. Other times still, it comes slowly then all at once. A fragile friendship, a friendship that you never want to hurt, then slowly you realize you love little things about a person, and next thing you know you’re looking at them when their back is turned and the fact washes over you. You love them so much and you couldn’t imagine your life without them.”

    I can see him struggling, so I finish the thought, “I think it was that last one for me. In D13. I realized just how much I love you when you weren’t there. When you weren’t looking and I wasn’t pressured.”

    “So. You can’t go from loving someone to nothing, but can you go from loving so much it hurts to just caring?” He asks it with so much fear I can’t held but give him a small reassuring smile.

    “Nah. At least not in my experiences. Not that I have more than one. It’s kinda hard to love someone that much and let it fade. Even if it gets buried it a confused mind.”

    He grins at me, and for the first time since the beach…

     “Where’s Katniss?”

     “What do you mean? She ran past me on her way towards town. I would guess she was heading for the woods.” Greasy Sae says almost as confused as me.

     “She said she was going to help you.”

     She rolls her eyes at me, “You really don’t know her as well as you act like you do on tv.”

     “What do you mean? I know her just as well as I say I do in front of the camera!” I defend myself to the best of my ability, but I have a feeling she’s right. I can’t tell what she’s thinking anymore, but she seems to know exactly what’s running through my mind.

    “Where does she go when she needs to think?”

     “Why would I know? It’s where she goes to get away from everything.”

     “If you knew her you’d know where she went.”

     I think for a moment before deciding my answer, “The meadow?”

     “She does love the meadow, but no. She always goes to the lake when she needs to think.”

     Th lake? The one her father took her too when she was young?

Mr. Everdeen.

The strange man that sits in the same room as me, the father of the woman I love. The man I’ve never met, and thought was dead. The man that could make or break my future with Katniss.

“Oh.” I turn to face Mr. Everdeen. He really is an exact replica of his daughter, but she has her mothers beauty. Her father could never be called beautiful. He could only ever be called handsome. “Could you tell me how you’re here? I’m confused and it might help me cope with everything if I get some answers.”

    “Not until I get answers.”

    “O-okay… What do you want to know?”

    “Who are you? What are you to my daughter? Why did she run when you asked her if she cared for you?”

    “Well sir… I’m Peeta Mellark. I turn eighteen next month and I love your daughter. Of that I’m sure. I don’t know what I am to her. I was trying to figure that out when she ran. Lastly, my best guess for why she ran would be that she’s just as confused as I am.”

    “Well. Since you couldn’t answer two of the three questions, let me ask another. Who is she?” I sit there for a second trying to understand his question. He knows Greasy Sae. Who else is there?

    “Katniss?” He nods, but I don’t understand his question.

     “You aren’t very bright boy. Who is she to you? What do you think of her?”

     “Oh! Well she’s beautiful, kind, funny, honest, caring, loving, brave, bold, daring, determined, sweet, loyal, smart, dedicated, fun, crazy, creative, amazing, strong, talented, and so much more! She’s ambitious, but not in a bad way. She’s so very stubborn, but I’ve never seen a problem with that. I love her and her beautiful, but hidden, heart.”

    “You do love her, don’t you.” Not a question. He knows I do.

    “I gave you your answers, can I have mine now?”

I finally found a good name! The story I’ve put a chapter up for is called Nightmares

I look at Peeta sadly. I don’t know if I want to be friends… Er… Maybe that didn’t sound right… Maybe I don’t want him in my life. Or do I? I’m scared. Scared of getting hurt. Not physically, but emotionally. I can’t have him break my heart again. I wouldn’t be able to live through it.

“I’m so sorry, Kat!”

“Why? I keep telling you… You didn’t hurt me. Stop it! I’m fine and I told you exactly what happened,” I try. Knowing he can see right through me.

 “Katniss…” He doesn’t have to say another word. We both know I was lying, but he continues, “What really happened? I know I hurt you. You can’t deny that, but what did I do? Please… I have to know. I have to.” He says the end more forcefully.

Peeta… The boy that would do anything for me. I sigh. I can’t keep things from him, but maybe I can just tell some of the truth?

“Okay, fine. You got a hold of my throat there for a second, yes, but the eye really was an accident. The cut was of my own hand.” Half true. I pulled it away from my father, and then he knocked it into my face… On purpose.

He doesn’t look convinced.

“Kat. I know you too well. You may not be lying, but you aren’t telling the whole truth either. Please tell me! Kat, I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt you beyond repair. I hurt you and that hurts me, but if I hurt you and it wouldn’t heal…” He takes a deep breath.

“Peeta. That didn’t happen, and it never will. I care too much about you to ever let you take the fall.” He looks super happy, but also confused.

“You- you care about me?” He asks so astonished, and I regret opening my mouth as I feel my face get warm.

“Erm… I uh- I gotta go help Greasy carry the food.” With that I run out of the house, leaving my family to explain how Dad and Prim are alive, and leaving them all to figure out why I ran. When life gets hard I run. It’s how I deal with the aching pain I feel every day.

I run past a worried looking Greasy Sae, past a hunched Hob worker, past the bustling shops, out past the meadow, the fence, and the trees. All through the woods not stopping until I reach my safe haven: The lake.

It glistens in the sun. It may be February, but it couldn’t be a more beautiful day. Spring came earlier than usual. It came halfway through February. Next month Peeta turns eighteen, and in May I will too.

March 16th. His birthday will be here in no time. When it comes the Capital will beg for details on our relationship, they will ask all the most personal of questions; They will ask if the war has hurt us. Us meaning what they think is happening, but I want it to mean us as in the people behind the camera. The people that act in love, but only one really feels it. The other is just as confused as before.

After everything we’ve been through… I can’t imagine being without Peeta, but at the same time I’m terrified, and I can’t imagine a life with Peeta.

Will he ever go back to normal? Will I ever be my old self again? Will we go back to the good days? Will the nightmares stop? Will I want someone someday? Will I have to be scared the rest of my life? Will I be with him the rest of my life? Am I all he says I am? Am I a mutt, an enemy? Does he believe I am that? Or does he really love me? And if he does? Could I ever return the affection? Do I care for him as much as I said I do? Could I love him? Do I love him? If I do, do I even deserve him?

The answers are clear.

No. We won’t ever go back to who we were. We’ve changed and lived through bad times. We’ll never be the same; the nightmares will never end. If I do choose to be with someone I would know in the moment. Fear is a huge part of life, and no: it will never go away. I will have Peeta in my life one way or another, and we will both be content. I’m nothing he says I am, not a mutt or his enemy, he wouldn’t believe that. He wouldn’t believe it because, yes, he does love me. I could change, maybe. Someday. I do care as much as I say, I could learn to love him. I don’t deserve him. I never will, but the last question I have no answer to. Do I love him?

The answer to this is unclear. It lives in the dark, murky water of my brain on overdrive. I think about it focusing on the thought.

I have my answer.

Katniss’ Mother

I wake up in a cold sweat. My body tingling and my eyes full of tears. My family’s dead corpses are engraved in my mind.

“Mom? Prim? Dad?” I call out wanting this to all be a horrible dream.

I hear running foot steps and sigh deeply. It was just a nightmare.

“Kat? Are you okay?” Prim. My darling Prim stands in the doorway. I give her a small sad smile and she grins back at me, “Love you, Kat. Nightmare again?” She asks going from happy to worried in an instant.

“I’m fine, Little Duck. Just a bad dream. Nothing to worry about,” I try to act calm and collected, for her, and she seems to believe me. Good.

My father enters the room next, “Well good morning to you too my little mockingjay!” My smile grows. He is the only one that can fix my mood when I’m down. I love him and Prim more than anything.

As my mother joins us, my smile falters. I love my mom, but she doesn’t try to calm me or make me feel better after an episode or bad nights.

“What was this one Katniss?” I wince at her harsh tone.

“You… You all were… Well-”

“Well what?! Talk!” She’s not a great person at night, after I wake her up. She can be kind in the day though. When I’m not engulfed in a panic attack, that is.

“WELL! As I was saying… You all died… and Finnick, Annie, Madge, Gale too,” I start to tear up, but my mother just stares at me until she decides that it’s enough, and leaves my room.

I sigh, thinking about how she used to be kind, caring even. That is until the bullies at school got worse. She doesn’t like that I am ‘mentally unstable’ as the doctor says.

Peeta’s Mutt

“It’s me, Peeta,” I say hoping the worry will leave her voice if she hears it’s me.

She walks into the entry hall, and I can’t stand to see the the stone cold look she gives me, “Kat… Please. Please talk to me!”

It hurts to see that expression on her features. That is an expression of annoyance and anger. It’s not a look my girl on fire has ever given me. I hate it with every bone in my body.

I have to fix things between us, “I’m so sorry! Please forgive me!”

She stares at me. I can see the disbelief written in all the lines of her face. Then she starts yelling and I couldn’t be more scared, “You really think you can walk into my house and ask for forgiveness?! I don’t want you around me, Peeta! What do you not get about ‘leave me alone’? I’m so tired of the mess between us, so please…” All the fight leaves her body, you can see it in her eyes.

When her next words come out of as a whisper, I don’t know how to feel… “Leave me alone, Peeta. That’s all I ask. I’m trying to understand everything, and all I need is some time.”

This hurts me more than anything has ever hurt me before. I can feel eyes on me, but I don’t know where they are, or if they’re in my head.

That’s when tears form in my eyes and I slump to the ground. It’s all I can do to hold back the water that threatens to break free.

I look up at her with a blank gaze and all I see is the mutt behind the girl.

I see her eyes widen, but I don’t register what’s happening until I am on top of her. We are wrestling on the ground, me trying to get to her neck, her trying to push me off.

Everything gets dark, and I wake to see Katniss in front of me, rubbing her neck with one hand and the other on my shoulder. Her eye is black and blue, and a cut runs along the side of her face. My eyes widen as I realize what happened.

“I- I hurt you.”

“No Peeta. You didn’t hurt me. You tried, but the black eye was an accident. You elbowed me. It wasn’t on purpose. Yes you did try to strange me, but my father took care of that. He tried to cut you not knowing who you were, but I told him not to as the blade knocked into me.”

It takes me a second to understand everything she just said, but then a word she used gets my attention. Father. She said ‘father.’ I look behind her to see her mother, a man that looks so much like Katniss, and… No… Prim?

“Who…” I think for a moment, “No… How?”