yikes on bikes

a severe thunderstorm warning that doesnt follow through is worse than orgasm denial

Girl did you just quicksave

SMOKED SALMON IS THE ONLY THING THAT NUMBS THE PAIN

Are you free from your curse yet i miss you

i hate the part of depression that’s like all the things that bring me joy are empty and i can’t do anything. like come on bitch i know you love book can you just be happy about book :/

i was able to detect 5 recently divorced mothers in my area using the power of ley lines and this hall and oates cd

i say yay outloud too like this isn't just my internet persona this is real me

Im always like "i will not add my two cents. i will not add my two cents" but i cant lie the pennies are getting sweaty in my hand

Did you know that um…. (remembers that words are very unnecessary, they can only do harm) …………

i was sent as a test to see if a doomed person could undoom themselves out of sheer will

don't cry because it's over. attack. attack everything around you. do spin attacks

"I CANT HANDLE THIS" *handles this*

"I CANT TAKE ANOTHER DAY" *takes another day*

I reference this literally every time I'm at a bar because I'm somewhat convinced I saw it in a tumblr post somewhere but I have been informed that this is not in fact a known tumblr post in circulation and I was shown a prophetic vision at some point leading me to form the dichotomy from first principals

i havent seen the strong as fuck ice mummy in a while. i hope shes doing ok

spring thaw. weak as fuck water mummy now