Teach sloths how to kazoo pls

stop it. don't look at me like that. don't look at me like you miss me, like i make you happy. like you love me.

because you don't love me the way i love you. i don't make you laugh or smile the way you do to me. you don't hate the kilometers between us the way i do. because you don't miss me the way i miss you. you don't learn to banish these vocabularies so letting go was easier. the way i did so i could let go of the chain with the cannonball holding myself from being the version of me society deems normal. the version of my parent accepts, the version of me that can get me to places. despite my favorite version of me was the one making jokes with you. the world felt like it was just the two of us when we huddled up against each other, whispering and giggling. ignoring everything around us. except the world isn't just us. it's big, it's vast. it doesn't care about the words that lingers between us. and you know that, but i don't. i didn't. i was blindly following a map without looking at the road. you are the map i held on so tightly to and i finally learnt to place you down. but you're back, flying in the wind towards me, saying you miss me. and i miss you, i miss you everyday and during every moment, but i can't say those words. my mouth feels like acid, my throat becomes a desert and my limbs don't feel mine. i miss you so much i can't breathe, so how could you say those three words so easily? i was the ocean waves, pulling myself away then straying back to you. you were the beach, the shore. you only needed to call out my name and i found myself running, my feet burning. i had always called you stupid, gullible. but maybe i was the gullible one. the fool. the card that was dealt to me since the very beginning. glued to my deck of life. no matter where i go, the scenery i walk through. i'll always see you in every view. as if a parasite clings itself to the brain cortex hindering my vision. you were my north star, the brightest star, my compass to home. the compass out of reach from me. no matter how far i chase you, my arms could never reach. so that's when i'll make wings, like icarus. except, unlike icarus my wings won't melt. unlike icarus, i'm not chasing the blazing sun. i'm chasing my north star in the night sky. my wings won't melt from the beauty of what i'm chasing but i'll be flown away from the night wind. because i could never get hurt by you. but the universe will always keep me away from you.

when i’m on a school trip and i see everyone with their own circle of friends, even though i’m surrounded by people who think of me as a friend and i think of them as one too. i can’t help but want to share the moment with you guys who are cities away.

when i’m preparing for a school event and people count on me just like the years before. but the people supporting me aren’t you guys.

when i’m relaxing silently with people around me but the breaths aren’t you guys.

when i’m talking about things we like but the people aren’t you guys.

when i’m sneaking around getting in trouble with my classmates and skipping school things but it’s not you guys i run with.

when i’m laughing with people but the voices i hear aren’t you guys.

when i’m going to a convenience store with people but the ones who’re nagging me about my drink choices aren’t you guys.

when i sit in the aisle seat because i always want my friends to have the better seat but the one next to me aren’t you guys.