Kaycee Ellen

Jan Richardson

All those days you felt like dust, like dirt, as if all you had to do was turn your face toward the wind and be scattered to the four corners

or swept away by the smallest breath as insubstantial –

did you not know what the Holy One can do with dust?

This is the day we freely say we are scorched.

This is the hour we are marked by what has made it through the burning.

This is the moment we ask for the blessing that lives within the ancient ashes, that makes its home inside the soil of this sacred earth.

So let us be marked not for sorrow. And let us be marked not for shame. Let us be marked not for false humility or for thinking we are less than we are

Today at my church we sang When You Do This, Remember Me. The lyrics are by Alexander Campbell, a leader in the Restoration Movement (Stone-Campbell Movement) and founder of the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ). They were adapted into a hymn in 1988. I noticed the arrangment was dated 1993.

You my friend, a stranger once, do now belong to heaven. Once far away, you are brought home into God’s family. Now my lord is also your’s, your people are my own; embraced together in God’s arms, I enfold you now in mine. All your sorrows shall be mine; your joy shall be my joy; indebted to God’s love in Christ, we die and reign with him.

Today’s sermon was about Jacob, the ladder guy in the Old Testament. The minister said 30 years passed between the time of Jacob’s dream and when he built an alter at the place where God spoke to him. Jacob called the place Bethel which means “house of God”.

I was up 24 hours yesterday and much of the time I could have been sleeping, I was reading this book. It was so good.

The beautiful cover illustration caught my eye at the library. I think I am the first person to check it out. I may buy a copy because it was wonderful.

I haven’t posted anything in such a long time, but I have to vent. 

There’s an event tomorrow at work that I am responsible for planning. I have been stressing out all week because I know I could have done a better job, but I also know I don’t care all that much, other than I need a job and don’t really want to get fired. I also think I may have undiagnosed ADD, which while that explains a lot about how I function, it’s not an excuse for not being more on top of things, except that it is because I don’t know any coping mechanisms to operate with ADD.

I was off work yesterday for Veterans Day, so that was a nice break, but it didn’t help with the event coming up. Kiddo has a cold, texted me that she wanted to come home. She was caught crying in the hallway by the principal, who sent her to the nurse, who then sent her home. Yeah, so that means we had to either get to the doctor for note or have a COVID test to come back to school. *sigh*

I texted last night that I had to take Kiddo for a test in the morning, but would be at work in the afternoon. I had trouble getting through to the attendance line and while struggling with that, realized I was supposed to promote the event on a local radio station. So then I freaked out and tried to contact the station to let them know I wasn’t going to make it in this morning.

I finally made it to work by 2:00 pm and find out the damn newspaper printed incorrect information about the event, mainly the wrong location. I sent them a press release with all the correct information but apparently they are all idiots and only looked at the flyer, and assumed the wrong information. The funny thing is the phones don’t work at the wrong location, so know one can call them with questions and the rest of us won’t be in the office tomorrow to answer our phones. So, I scramble to update the flyer and posted it to our website and social media, but the damage is done and it wasn’t my fault.

Next I go to Walmart to get food for the volunteers and staff working tomorrow. By the way, my boss won’t be working because she scheduled an appointment she can’t get out of without a penalty fee, but wouldn’t you think she’d know we were having an event??(Just to be bitter, I had to reschedule an appointment this week because my coworkers never think of me when it comes to lunches and I wasn’t going to be able to make it.)

But, I digress. I got soaked in a rain storm coming out of Walmart because I was in there so long. I thought I could make it out before the rain and decided to know wear my rain coat. But I had to wait on a mom with three kids, who unfortunately wasn’t able to pay for her groceries, and an old lady who wrote a check. I couldn’t go through the u-scan because I had a tax exempt card.

By the time I got back to work, everyone was gone and the gate was locked. I let myself in and unloaded the food. I prepped the lunch and left before it was very dark. On the way home I almost hit two guys on bikes who had no lights or reflectors. One was riding the wrong way in traffic! 

Dinner was local sweet red wine and double chocolate Haagen-Dazs ice cream.

I’m not happy that I have to work this Saturday and next. It might be better if I got paid for the extra time, but I just get comp time. I’m also bitter that I will once again miss participating in the holiday parade and lighting with my family and church because I have to do another parade for work on a third Saturday. I’m bitter, angry, and ready to quit.

We've been observing Jupiter and Saturn move toward the Great Conjunction. Thankfully, the sky cleared up this afternoon and stated clear long enough after sunset that we could see the planets just by stepping out the back door. We tried using the little telescope, but we couldn't get it to focus. There's a better one in the garage that will be revealed on Christmas morning.

The Solstice is the return of the light, defeating the darkness. It's a time if change and hope. I feel hopeful about the new year and the new administration. There's lots of work to fix the mess, find hundreds of parents, right wrongs, and heal. I've been praying for Peace. I will continue to pray, but I will also go out and feed the hungry, help the less fortunate, love my neighbors.

Today is the feast day of St. Thomas in some traditions. He doubted that Jesus was resurrected. He needed to see and touch his wounds as proof. Some are calling the Great Conjunction the Christmas Star. It's possible, but I know it's two planets because I can see them with my naked eye. I understand the science of it, and it is still a remarkable event to witness in my lifetime.

I am thankful for the scientists who developed the vaccines against COVID-19. We have a long fight yet, but we have a weapon. Is this not a miracle?

Today I did something I didn’t think I would do. At 45 years old, with my little family and my oldest friends in attendance, as well as people viewing via Facebook, I was baptised. My sister in Christ, Christina Lynn, and I are neither one for showing off or drawing attention to ourselves, so for this special day to be shared live via the internet, was a very 2020 thing.

We sat with our families until Pastor Evie called us down to the altar. The congregation sang Down to the River to Pray as we were led around the sanctuary. I took my daughter with me and we both cried. Christina took her mother.

I went first, after pretending to play Rock, Paper, Scissors with Christina. We were behind a partition, so no one in the sanctuary saw. I haven’t watched the video, but I slipped going in. Thankfully, I didn’t fall. I also inhaled water coming up, because it was colder than expected and took my breath away going under. The little white robes we wore were actually pant suits with coulottes.

We originally were to be baptized at Easter, but our church wasn’t gathering in person then. So many things have been cancelled and postponed this year. We haven’t been able to gather with friends and family. Our pastor wanted to have a celebration and we agreed that it was needed.

My husband smoked 20 pounds of pork and 10 pounds of chicken. We had lemonade and iced tea, coleslaw and potato salad, cupcakes and cookies. We rented a creekside shelter in one of the city parks and had a fire in the stone fireplace. It was a beautiful, sunny September day with a clear, blue sky. And I was so happy to spend it with good friends and family.

Just as the baptism represents the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ, it symbolizes the death and burial of the old self of the repentant believer, and the joyous birth of a brand new being in Christ. Those who founded the Disciples movement taught baptism by immersion as the accepted form. – From Word to the Church on Baptism, Commission on Theology, 1987