Karre de Leon

That same person who makes you smile and laugh until your tummy aches will be the reason behind your tears. 

The person who made you feel complete will be the person who will break your heart into pieces. 

It’s not the quantity but the quality.

We may not know each other for too long, but the moment I saw that spark in your eyes, I’ve always known that this is the start of something endless.

Actually, writing this is never a joke. I have too many things to put down but I don’t know where to start.

From our fights and laughters. Our jokes and hugs. I’ve always loved you whatever we do.

Things come when you least expect them.

Yes, you came when I never wished for someone to love me.

I told myself I can do this on my own. Not until you made me realize how hard it is to live without you. How hard it is to wake up and not see a “Good Morning” from you.

You made me believe that fairy tales do exist. Maybe not like their stories, but atleast we have the unconditional love everyone dreams of having.

I won’t ge tired of looking into your eyes and smile with you. I won’t get tired of you. Of us. Even when you can’t even stand and hear. I won’t get tired of taking care of you when we both grow old. You’ll always be my better half.

Even when people try to knock us down, the love we have will always be stronger than them. I know you and I won’t let go.

Even when someone tries to steal me away from you, we both know we won’t let each other go.

I love how you get under my nerves when you bully me and you try to make me smile after. I love the way you make me cry with tears of joy. I love the way you say your’ feelings with that glow in your face. You don’t see it, but you’re amazing.

I love the way you hold my hand and rub your thumb around mine. Like it was the best thing in the world. The warmth. The love.

Every book, every song, every place reminds me of you.

How you carried me like a child. How you tease me. How you tickle me. How you make me smile. How you act like a baby.

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal; but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matt. 6:19-21)   

  Money. Gadgets. Earthly things. I don't invest on these things. I invest on something. Something more significant.

   I invest on love, friendship, charity and more. 

  Maybe, being in love is one of the best feelings in the world. Where you just wake up in the morning and think of the people you love and TA-DA! You're smiling. In that instant, your life is somehow perfect. Invest on loving. Loving people, loving your work, loving everything! Even the most unlovable thing on earth! Love! Love! Love! Keep on loving. I do believe that loving is one of the most powerful things on earth. When you love, everything changes. Your work may be hard, but if you love it, you won't get tired of doing it. 

    I am an only-child but I grew up having lots of sisters and brothers from another mother. They are my friends. I can't really tell who is my bestfriend because they are all the best in many different ways. I invest on friendship because when times get rough, they are the ones who cheer me up. They are the ones who support me. We may have fights and arguments but I learned how to swallow my pride for them. Whenever we fight, I make efforts so that we will be fine. I do everything for us to be okay. Invest in your friends. You will see the difference.

    The other day, I was so happy. I wanted to shout and jump for joy. The happiness in me is overflowing. It all started when I was on my way home from Protech. I was walking upstairs to the overpass. The old lady caught my attention. She's hungry. Miserable. Asleep. Dirty. Ignored. The second I saw her, I went down furiously. I went back. I went to to mini-stop. I have no idea why my feet took me there. I bought a big bottle of cold water and a siopao. I was wondering who told me to buy this stuff. As soon as I got my change, I went back to the old lady. Running. Catching my breath. Tiptoe-ing to see if the lady was still there. She is. So I went up again as fast as I could. The moment I reached her, she woke up. I handed her the bag with foods. And she smiled. That one smile really changed my day. I saw how grateful she was. I saw how her eye brightened when she received it. I was moved. I felt something inside of me that no words can express. Then. I realized that I just invested in Heaven. I invested on helping others. 

     Gusto ko ng wakasan ang lahat ng ito.

     Ayoko na. Ang hirap na. Masakit. Hindi ko na kayang ipagpatuloy pa ang buhay ko. Wala ng pa-asa.

     Simula nang mamatay ka, wala ng magandang nangyari sa buhay ko. Simula nang mawala ka, nawala na rin ang pag-asa ko para magpatuloy pa. Sana nandito ka para gabayan ako. Sana nandito ka para tulungan akong ayusin ang buhay ko.

     Lahat ng matataas kong marka ay bumagsak. Lahat ng kaibigan ko, iniwan ako. Pinalayas na kami sa bahay. Si Papa, iniwan na kami. Si bunso, namatay sa komplikasyon. Pakiramdam ko, pasan ko ang daigdig sa mga problema ko.

     Wala ng magandang nangyayari sa buhay ko. Kaya wala ng dahilan pa para ipagpatuloy ko ito. 

     Mama, sasama ako sa iyo. Ayoko ng mabuhay.

     Walang pag-aalinlangan kong kinuha ang lubid na matagal ko ng gustong gamitin. Buo na ang desisyon ko. Buong buo. 

     Isasabit ko na ito nang bigla akong may naapakan. Tinignan ko ito. Ako'y napaluhod. Napaiyak. Umagos ang luha pababa sa aking pisngi. 

     Naliwanagan ako. Hindi pa pala huli, Mama. Kailangan ko palang lumaban. Kailangan ko palang bumangon. Kailangan ko palang tumayo para sa pamilya natin Mama. 

     Nang dahil sa rosaryo mo, nagbago ang isip ko. Nang matapakan ko ito, naalala ko ang lahat ng alaala mo, Mama. Ang mga alaala nating nagdadasal ng sabay-sabay. Ang mga alaalang masasaya. Ang mga alaalang dapat naming ituloy. 

Minsan mararamdaman mong

ang hirap magaptuloy

Parang wala ng bukas

Wala ng pag-asa

Na parang wala ng bukas

Walang nangyayaring tama sa buhay mo

Kaya umiiyak ka nalang mag-isa

Pero ang hindi mo alam

Pagkatapos ng paghihirap mo ay

May mga mas mainam na bagay ang

Darating sa buhay mo na

Hindi lubos inakalang matatamasa mo

Matuto ka lang maghintay at magtiwala