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#DISCLAIMER : DO NOT FOLLOW THIS ACCOUNT PLEASE !!!#yay does everyone like this Amazon theme I made myself IT TOOK SM EFFORT #DORA ( the explorer ) ! • she|r • 9teen ! • INFJ • lawful good #YOU CAN ONLY PROPERLY VIEW THIS UNDER DARK MODE #professional kaveh kisser my estranged wife / husband / anything just come home گلبي #HE CAME HOME !!! 18/09/2024 !!!#c1 came home 20/09/2024 !!!#OH NO I MEAN /07/ why the heck did I write nine lmaooo

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just scrolling through my drafts and I see all the rants I went on and how suicidal I was and the way no one comforted me, I feel so distant to that version of me because I now have memory loss and can’t remember much of that time period or much of anything really, but looking back onto things and reading how I felt is just so heartbreaking when you read it in the third person

#I hope no one feels that way.#at that time I was genuinely that close to killing myself and the fact I didn’t have anyone who cared enough to spend time with me back then #makes me observe this from an outside lens I am just so sad for mini me #this is so unjust especially since I’d break limbs just to comfort people’s papercut like wounds :(#I’ll never comprehend how when someone says I’m alone or I’m sad you don’t feel in your heart okay I am on a mission to make this person #happy because it’s free to think of someone and consider them #this selfish world; what a pain.#poor mini me - she was saying smth about how nobody noticed her entire personality switches and I remember feeling that way #this breaks my own heart man #trauma so severe that she got entire personality and identity shifts #I still have them and also that’s why I have memory loss now but I can hide these things better

kavehayati

ITS TWENTY NOWWW !

kavehayati

twenty one ! yay !

#dora daily #honestly I rlly want to use this blog again but it just has sm horrible memories even if the bad or confusing ppl are gone from here #it feels like a deserted wasteland now with barely anyone here #but that is okay we can always make fifty more new blogs :3 #even if they won’t have the same vibe

c6jpg

NEFER ❖ an elegy for faded moonlight

#NEFER DHEIWKDMD #hi I’m back just for queenefer

so that’s what dollification is . .

#sob sob #I didn’t read too much into it and lowkey it’s not the clearest but I think I read enough #I THOUGHT ITD BE CUTE LIKE helping you pick out outfits yk like a doll ! like dress up !#the post was who do you think would be into that or smth and I was like hmmm w Kaveh being rlly into design it’s not too far fetched to #think he would idk like to pick out outfits for you right then I realised I was being so dumb 🧎‍♀️#ohmydays.#dora daily #perhaps I should’ve known that any word ending with the suffix ‘ification’#is nothing good 😞💔

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STAWP how does this day keep getting worse it’s literallly 1:51 am rn

#my crash out got traction this is Noor terror yall #on my fifty billionth blog I mean sob sob #dora daily #my poor heart . . hurts from stress even the tiniest spec of sad makes it start hurting lots #what have I done to myself like srsly this anxiety is getting out of hand like atp ill actually have a heart attack in my early twenties

nah cause ppl who used to be in my grade go out w each other and im stuck playing babysitter with ppl who never even seen my face before 😭

#dora daily #or heard me talk for that matter #djoeaksmsn this is insane 😭 I need to get Ela and sit her down and be like girl tell me honestly what is so off putting abt me #but that’s a convo for another time :3 #ugh I just had a big reality check + shock like these ppl out here living and idek the meaning of the word bc I’m stuck tethered to people #who won’t just tell me they don’t wanna be friends or apparently they rlly do wanna but they do nothing to show the want to be friends #stuff like this makes me crazayyyy #step one find ppl irl to hang out with who I actually like 😭#but that’s difficult bc lowkey everyone annoying and if they’re not annoying they just wanna … do stuff #this is the consensus I’ve reached over the years 😭 the only people who actually put in the same or more effort than everyone else is if #they wanna f u 😭 like dang that is so disrespectful on both counts the fact that ppl in generalthink with their metaphorical d all the time #but also ppl don’t give u their all or a lot of energy unless they wanna f 🥀#I wish I was a kid nobody thinks abt effing each other when we’re kids and we just do dumb stuff and ppl have no concept of cliques #smh #wait setara owed me a cafe date BUT SHE FORGOT I THINKKK 😭#stawp . . now what do I do I was kinda excited for that :(#wait if ur not gonna take action I will. wait here. not abt setara but abt the other girl setaras a queen she did nothing

kavehayati

I’d have loved being on this blog if the fifty trials of Noor didn’t happen all at once within a span of like a month last year.

kavehayati

huh I see . . so she follows that ares girl but still has me blocked . .

kavehayati

So I’m not blocked there or removed and she posted like two days ago

#bruh what am I supposed to do w this info 😭 like either let me leave or just you communicate to me what’s up aren’t u the one missing me not #the other way around ???#not to be mean but when I miss someone and I rlly miss them you’re meant to take action if ur not on outwardly bad terms #get me o ur of my misery I don’t wanna play footsie with a friendship I’m done bro #no way I have to treat friendships as important as relationships and then yall don’t pull through and now I have to wait on you 😭#leave me be 🥀 like it’s actually so cruel of ppl to do this to me but ofc yall don’t care about my feelings ever #like this is genuinely why I have a hard time seeing anyone as my friend anymore bc yall don’t take friendship srsly then act up saying ur #lonely like what do you want me to do abt that to help you if u don’t even wanna ask abt me or check up on me or forget that #apparently I’m too pathetic and not worthy of human kindness to check up on I will forgo that duty a friend would do LOL #treat me like a dog it’s okay; then in such an event wouldn’t u at least speak to me abt literally anything else 😭 wth 😭#how are you gonna cry abt missing me then not take action to want to be w me #that’s like what SOME ppl said like oh ik im a bad person so i dont blame u for hating me etc etc #ok clearly u don’t feel enough cognitive dissonance enough to want to be better for me since ur mental health is obviously not that bad for #u to use that as an excuse 😭 u ain’t sick either soooo #anyways before everyone throws a fit no I’m not mad idk why everyone likes to asssume I’m mad I’m also #almost never mad ☠️ I’m laughing the entire way through the post cause this situation is funny icl 😭 like okay bestie ik ur hurting bc u #stopped reaching out to me and caring abt me when I should be the one hurt but it’s ok if ur hurt too ig LOL #anyways Noor for professional comedian 😜

kavehayati

I’d have loved being on this blog if the fifty trials of Noor didn’t happen all at once within a span of like a month last year.

kavehayati

huh I see . . so she follows that ares girl but still has me blocked . .

#then posts a lament abt how she’s sad I’m gone ?? fellas I am beyond confused this confusion is of the highest caliber bc #realistically speaking what am I supposed to do rn 😭 like yea okay you allegedly love me and I helped you find hope in humanity etc etc #so I am just confused #???#Dora daily #one more chance I’ll check instagram and reactivate my account then next week deactivate it I cbb for insta #I hate insta that whole app dry as heck everyone annoys me

I’d have loved being on this blog if the fifty trials of Noor didn’t happen all at once within a span of like a month last year.

#Lowkey I wanna know who that anon was like that’s so sweet sobs #Dora daily #Ok now to why I came here for. To check smth and investigate lolol #Detective Noor back at it again :3

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Ur so cool 😞

omg hello ! 🥺 I literally just had the grand revelation to randomly open this blog up since such a long time ago and :0 imagine my shock to see this 🤧 thank you mystery friend, I think you’re cooler >:3 !

#Luckily; this wasn’t too long ago and was sent to me on July 5th 4:30pm haha but srsly you’re cooler 🤍

logging in and it’s me realising just how ugly this blog is.

#dora daily #I can’t believe I used to adore this blog. it’s so weird.#I’m sure it would’ve looked nice but it feels so gross #it’s like me being the owner of it ultimately ruined it #because it’s my thoughts my words my interpretations and my thoughts.. I hate it.#I’d delete this blog but idk I really like having record of everything I’ve owned. I just like to see how I was in the past #like a diary #plus after my mega psychosis that kind of ate away at most of my personality and gave me sm issues I forgot so much abt myself #way too much #I even forgot most of why I liked kaveh lols #I’m so grateful I documented some analysis and thoughts and my povs regarding him here #and a lot of drafts I felt too ashamed to publish #I miss liking Kaveh so much. liking him was the only element of consistency and predictability I had in this turbulent existence of mine #can’t trust anyone but myself or rely on anyone but me #and ik I don’t work like that. I’m the type who needs to rely on others but nobody fits my standards and nobody even likes me anyways lols #you can just tell when ur forcing some1 to like u or speak to u #so as pathetic as this sounds yes that dumb blond is the only stable thing I have #you can laugh if you want ik it’s pathetic #I can’t stand being here smh. will keep this as an archive of my thoughts. I’d like that at least

Ykw. I give up. Nothing I do ever works out even if I put my heart and soul into it. And even beyond. All tumblr has ever given me is more problems than I need. So ! I give up. Hope everyone has a good life.

#I shouldn’t be getting this physically ill from a stupid app.#I don’t think I’ll leave a place to reach out and if I do I’ll probably check socials like way later.#you’ll be fine without me 👍#everyone always is anyways #I am sorry to have ever bothered anyone at all.#this place was just a huge mistake.

Bruh this is why I hate inviting ppl to my new blogs bc wth :/ literally so annoying isn’t it common courtesy to be like hey ! I was sad to see you deactivate bla bla bla im glad to see you’re back etc etc etc <- THATS WHAT EVERYONE DOES ?? And also ! The way ppl be like making whole ass posts when ppl deactivate but they did not even do that for me, and the ppl who DID have my socials, didn’t even ask shit abt why I deactivated etc like bro —

#dora daily #listen this is my problem … I DONT UNDERSTAND why they do stuff for every other person they’re mutuals with EXCEPT me #like whenever ppl make new moots they come pop in and be like hi ^^ ! you have a cool *insert thing here* and im happy to be mutuals with #you etc etc etc #THEY DO THAT ! nobody does that with me at all #and the thing is ! if nobody did that in general then that’d be JUST FINE #but it sets a precedent that I have to do that FIRST all the time #and for WHAT ?!#I only ever get absolutely ignored by everyone.#like - I send an ask that I gathered up all my courage and energy and everything to send #I mentally prepared myself #and then I only get ignored #like wth :/#and it’s the same thing with Eris all over again #it’s the same thing with my old tumblr blog #I thought that that girl was nice …#but she is not !#ykw .. I’m gonna ask Athena if I ever come off in a certain way or anything in her honest opinion bc I’m going mad #like #what vibe do I give off ? am I doing something wrong ? like I could’ve sworn I act exactly like everyone else ??#but Athena has been mia for a while and idk …#like listen ;; why on earth would you willingly mutual me if you’re gonna ignore me in the rare chance I even interact #like I’m not holding anybody at gunpoint I swear #?!!:&392292 #ykw. I’m probably autistic #bc the way this happens irl and online with completely different ppl is insaneeee #and the thing. is IM FOLLOWING THE SCRIPT goddamit I swear I ammmmm #and there’s nobody on earth more observant on my OWN behaviour than I am #if anything I am hyper aware !#so like that shouldn’t be the issue

Ohmygod I haven’t shown what dahlia made me when I get enough strength to leave my bed I’ll take a picture 😞

#dora daily

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kavehayati

CAN SOMEBODY JUST ASK YOU TO YOUR FACE IF YOURE ANEMIC ?! WHAT

kavehayati

What the heck is the definition of anorexic then ? “A person who has a bad relationship with food and undereats” BRO are you telling me I’m STILL IN THE TRENCHES OF AN ED ?!

#Dora daily #hmmm in my eyes I used to think eds are the worst thing ever #like it genuinely made me panic for sm reasons #one being the fact I had to be sneaky and I could nawtttt be sneaky I’m not used to it #so it made me panic #then I’d be miserable like crying over the fact I really just wanted to taste the food for once because my mum made a dish I really liked #but I forced myself not to eat it and just throw it away #but now idrc cause I don’t rlly like eating things ?? like some are nice yea but #idk I have this mental block where it feels illegal to finish my plate #like I HAVE to leave something there it’s just a rule in my head #well at least they were like oh why’d you go on a ‘diet’ and she listed reasons like if I had an allergy or whatnot #then I was like girlll I did it to loose weight and they looked at me like I grew another head #LIKE I WAS TELLING THEM IN SUCH A WATERED DOWN WAY #NAUR IT WASNT A DIET I HAD AN EATING DISORDER HELP #and you best believe that if I could purge I would’ve but I tried SO HARD I swear I did but nothing would come out #oops I think that was tmi #yeah I just undereat + I’m not completely hesitant around food it’s just #less than before but I think there’s remnants #now I feel guilty for ‘improving’#God this is what everyone means when they say it’s competitive like ughhhhhh #now I just don’t want to eat period maybe do something right for once #wait but I don’t count calories so idrk if I’m under eating or not #but I’m like 90% sure I am #hmm CONFUSINF #CONFUSING*

stuckinapril

woke up to this message and it literally sent me into a spiral bc so true…….. what type of things DO I like………

#the girls asked me this at work the other day and I was like erm #about that #nah I outright told them I’m too depressed to like things #they asked me what’s my favourite thing to do #but I don’t think she understood what I meant #Dw I wasn’t over sharing the girl literally told me her life story and her trauma by that point 😭 I think saying I’m depressed is nothing #add to cart !

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