meow

And kid, you’ve got to love yourself. You’ve got wake up at four in the morning, brew black coffee, and stare at the birds drowning in the darkness of the dawn. You’ve got to sit next to the man at the train station who’s reading your favorite book and start a conversation. You’ve got to come home after a bad day and burn your skin from a shower. Then you’ve got to wash all your sheets until they smell of lemon detergent you bought for four dollars at the local grocery store. You’ve got to stop taking everything so goddam personally. You are not the moon kissing the black sky. You’ve got to compliment someones crooked brows at an art fair and tell them that their eyes remind you of green swimming pools in mid July. You’ve got to stop letting yourself get upset about things that won’t matter in two years. Sleep in on Saturday mornings and wake yourself up early on Sunday. You’ve got to stop worrying about what you’re going to tell her when she finds out. You’ve got to stop over thinking why he stopped caring about you over six months ago. You’ve got to stop asking everyone for their opinions. Fuck it. Love yourself, kiddo. You’ve got to love yourself.

i have all this anger in me. i wish i didn’t but it’s so much and so bright and i don’t want to keep swallowing it. it eats at me because it has to eat something so all this rage i have for no reason comes swinging back to punch me. like my fists are tired of me not using them so they only raise to leave my own body bruised. it’s tiring. i’m tired. in the movies depression is sobbing at two in the morning. in my life depression is being heartsick so loudly you can taste it. in my life depression is a sharpness that you can’t pull back. 

Yesterday I had a friend tell me how one of her close friends has a whole bunch of succulents, and she has given each one the name of her close friends. She nurses them, takes care of them, talks to them, and if one ever starts to get sick or not grow well, she talks to the friend in question and something is almost always bothering them.