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what doesn't kill you makes you weird with intimacy

your honor my client is guilty can i get another one

If you see this you’re legally obligated to reblog and tag with the book you’re currently reading

yeah, this is my pet knight, she's a rescue. i gave her a brief act of mercy and she followed me home and sat outside my door to guard me from intruders. she swore her undying allegiance to me in exchange for a gift of grace and now she sleeps at the foot of my bed and weeps when im late coming home. and yeah, she only eats wet food because she's a snob, also.

you ever start wondering about your cat’s genealogy? like ooooh I wonder if one of your ancestors was a mouser on a whaling vessel. maybe 175 years ago someone carried your ancestor up to that mountain you were born on, transported them by covered wagon in a wicker basket all the way to that old log cabin as a little girl’s birthday gift.

Y’all ever get fatigue so bad that you’re laying down and it feels like you need to lay down MORE? Advanced laying. Somehow.

Not to be confused with the time a kid showed up like 20? 30? minutes late for a different English class with the excuse "sorry, there is a bouncy castle outside and I lost track of time" to which the professor responded "There is a bounce house?! Class dismissed." and just fucking left.