Just Katieeoh

Some film photos from the Wanderland 2016 music festival.

Sometimes it just doesn’t feel right at all. There are always worries, fears and delusions that you couldn’t seem to forget as much as you want it to. The fear of tomorrow, the other tomorrows to come and the tomorrows of the future is inevitable and will never remain constant. I really don’t want to comprehend when people say that “whatever comes on the next few days will be as is it should be done” makes me feel as if I cannot control everything that will happen, feeling as if it will just slip off my fingers and crumple to the ground. 

I hate to feel this way, yet it happens and I can never stop it. I really hate worrying, as much as you want to become a positive person you just can’t shake the feeling of uneasiness and despair. Much like a curse you may say.

The last playlist I did was about 5 years ago, and looking back I realized how it would have been amazing if a lot of people knew the songs I mentioned there, but now not even half of the people I know recognize or even heard those songs. It’s a bit selfish of me to keep them like my little treasures. So far, there’s always more to discover. While these songs are not new to me, I hope they’re new to your ears, and find them beautiful and mesmerizing. 

Convince me to speak the words you want me to say. Convince me to keep doing what you want me to, to keep thinking and replaying all over my head the things we want to change, the things we want to stay and the things we want to overcome. 

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Milagres - IDNYL 

Blonde Tongues - Hey Good Lookin

The Honey Trees - Ammon’s Horn

Anthony Hegarty - Landslide 

Amber Run - I Found (Acoustic)

Broods - Taking You There

Niki Colet  - Say Something (cover)

Bon Iver & St. Vincent - Roslyn

Vancouver Sleep Clinic - Stakes

Cigarettes After Sex - Keep On Loving You

Damien Rice - Cheers Darlin'

Setting dates and keeping them seems to have lost a bit of its importance in our generation — it’s almost as though we expect promises and appointments to come with a bit of an asterisk. You know that people will be late, you wait for the call to cancel, you don’t believe the confirmations that people give you for your upcoming party. Texting and social media and messaging in real time have made it too easy to say that you are going to do something (and it feels good, in the moment, to make that plan) but it also makes it incredibly easy to discard. We all have so many events to attend, people to speak to, messages to answer. We know that, if we don’t get back to someone right away, it won’t be the end of the world.

When we are waiting for someone important, someone who promised that you were going to be a priority and who insisted that they would do what they say, the silence is devastating. Every minute that passes, it becomes less and less likely that they are actually going to follow through. It becomes more and more obvious that you are the fool, the one who is left waiting, stuck waiting on your phone. We never want to be the person who reaches out repeatedly, who sends reminding messages, who insists on being heard — it’s tacky. We have become a world of communication which hinges on a certain level of detachment. You cannot use your ability to reach out to someone five times in one day to actually do it, that would be weird. We all have to keep our cool.

You said you would call me back, and I believed you. I didn’t follow up, because I knew it would only reduce my chances of ever hearing back. And you didn’t call me. I waited by my phone, just as you wouldn’t want to imagine me doing. I checked over and over to see if you had attempted to contact me through another medium; you didn’t. And you’re right in thinking that I will get over it, that it’s not the worst thing in the world, that you’ll soon forget. But we erode one another’s belief in promises little by little, we slowly teach each other that we should not believe the things people say which we desperately want to hear.

The pretty things are not always what they thought are the pretty ones. It’s not mostly in the details, all the pink-slippered, all-contained fullness of everything that we can experience in our lives. It can be in the messiest of things, the dullness of things and even the blackness that we often call nothingness. It depends on the eye, if it is clouded with judgement.